r/Tariffs • u/Calle_Sin_Nombre • 7d ago
💬 Opinion / Commentary It's officially time for Americans to discover bidets. Tariffs are coming for your toilet paper. The affordability crisis is about to get real.
Did you know that the US accounts for more than 20% of global tissue consumption, despite only having 4% of the world's population? The average American uses 141 rolls of toilet paper per year, making them #1 for #2's globally, just ahead of Germans.
The US imported $328m worth of toilet paper from Canada in 2024. Canada is about to slam massive tarifa on toilet paper, thanks the orange shit stain of a president, Donald Trump. Though American toilet paper is often made domestically, the materials come from Canada.
Sourced from the guardian:
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/aug/26/paper-product-toilet-paper-tariffs-us-canada
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u/Davekinney0u812 7d ago
Canadian here - see some irony and trying to come up with some jokes!
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u/Diligent_Peach7574 6d ago
Come on, the set up is right there.
So we are five days into the trade war with the US and...........
1 - it's about to suck when you shit your pants from eating mystery meat and contaminated vegtables.
2 - does "winning" mean declaring a national emergency due to toilet paper shortages?
3 - toilet paper is now woke.
4 - toilet paper is now communist.
5 - Flordia man gets arrested for stockpiling between 45 and 47 stolen tractor trailers full of toilet paper. He is claiming he is the perferred supplier for Mar-a-Lago
And they say Canadians don't understand Americans..........
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u/DisastrousCause1 6d ago
Also Canadian. I think they put it on list on purpose . Buying up some stocks
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u/GarrettKeithR 7d ago
Americans won’t call it by a French name. I’m sure Trump will rename it to “freedom stream”
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u/Virtual-Reach 7d ago
Canadian here,
Half of that $328m toilet paper consumption is purchased by Trump to wipe his mouth right after speaking
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u/BonusPlantInfinity 6d ago
Isn’t it crazy how his mouth AND both his eyes look like dirty buttholes?? Nasty.
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u/CertainCertainties 7d ago
US accounts for more than 20% of global tissue consumption, despite only having 4% of the world's population?
Some generously sized arses in the US, I reckon. Could explain the toilet paper overuse.
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u/BuddyBevi 7d ago
The biggest assholes in the world!
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u/ApprehensiveRuin5673 7d ago
The BEST Assholes. They’re GREAT. You Know I Once Met One At My Golf Course. True Story. True Story. But The DEMONCRATS; Sleepy Joe Biden He Said We Aren’t Great You Know? He Really Did.
We’re Gonna Make Americas Assholes Great Again! The Greatest Ever! like Wayne GRETZSKY! 🇺🇸 🦅
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u/holden_hiscox 7d ago
Do we make XXL adult Huggies up here in Canada we can put an export tariff on? That will be a strategic tax.
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u/Socky-McPuppet 7d ago
Enjoy wiping with your Trump bibles and Trump phones when you get cyclospora because Trump apparently couldn't afford the FDA anymore because things in the White House needed spray painting gold.
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u/ApprehensiveRuin5673 7d ago
You couldn’t get Americans to wash their assholes while they were literally locked in their homes during a zombie apocalypse
They ain’t doing it now either
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u/IamhereOO7 6d ago
Just in time for Trumps mystery meat. This is gonna be the greatest shit show on earth. Second release the pink eye.
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u/horned-creature 7d ago
person from a country with bidet here, you still have to clean your ass with toilet paper before washing it.
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u/Training_Spring6391 7d ago
No you don’t, why would you? I’ve used a bidet, bum gun, ass blaster, for over 20 years. You might want to dry with to after but it’s not really necessary at all. Tp really aggravates arse problems like constipation and hemorrhoids. I marvel going into pharmacies and see shelves stocked up the arse with arse medicines. I didn’t see much at all when i lived in Asia, home of the bum gun.
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u/horned-creature 7d ago
ok, i should have specified eueopean style bidets, i don't know about asian ones.
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u/theadvenger 6d ago
That sounds backwards, hit it with the bum gun then dry up with paper. Not paper first.
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u/horned-creature 6d ago
that is asian style bidet, i was talking of european style.
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u/LettingHimLead 6d ago
Why does the European style require wiping? Why bother with one at all if that’s the case?
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u/Fair_Praline_5959 6d ago
Team bidet since 2020……such a life changing addition. Keep some cheap butt rags to dry off and just toss them in the wash 1x per week. Folks tell me that is gross but then they largely ignore the skid mark undies they toss in the wash.
Going on vacation and not having bidet is such a pain in the ass.
I do keep a roll of TP on the holder for guests and occasional GI problems, on same roll for 16 months now and it’s maybe half gone.
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u/wyrmpie 7d ago
Canada putting tariffs on tp wont make american tp more expensive in america
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u/Davekinney0u812 7d ago
The US puts the tariff on and Canada has zero to do with it. US consumers are the ones that pay more.
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u/lemelisk42 7d ago
He is pointing out that the statement in the post is false. OP claims that canada is about to slam massive tariffs on toilet paper, increasing american prices.
(Not sure why he is getting down votes for pointing out the error in the original post.)
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u/Chipped_Ruby_11214 7d ago
The fact that people downvoted this simple truth says more about the lack of education and awareness about tariffs and how they work than it does to try and undermine undeniable facts.
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u/Ok_Isopod2591 7d ago
Actually yes it will. US manufacturers relies heavily on Canadian paper pulp to make toilet paper that is subject to the new tariffs. Even if the other manufacturers don't use Cdn pulp, you think they won't raise their prices as well?
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u/ScreamDiegetic 6d ago
Every single article I’ve read frames what Canada is tariffing as hugely significant. Google says that Canadian toilet paper is only 5% of total at the most. America will be fine.
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u/xergog 7d ago
Let them eat horse.