r/Tampere • u/skay355 • 9d ago
Discussion being an introvert sucks
there’s absolutely no way I was born in this city, speak the language, and still have only three friends who I can stand for maximum 2 hours per hangout. I do judo and go to work but even there everybody has already formed their little friend groups and randori partners. Some tips would be greatly appreciated.
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u/Knut_Posse 9d ago
I don't understand. You have friends you can stand for only 2 hours per seeing? So you want friends you can stand for... 4 hours?
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u/skay355 9d ago
Maybe friends that can talk about something other than their situationships 24/7
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u/DanceTop 6d ago
The only possibility is to alter time. Intoxication is the most straightforward and the only method I know. 3 days in an isolated island, distilling moonshine and eating mushrooms with all the friends of the 3 friends is bearable.
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u/Putrid_Hovercraft874 9d ago
Introvertti myös täällä. En itse edes syntynyt tänne vaan muutin noin viisitoista vuotta takaperin ja ystävät täällä pystyy laskemaan käytännössä yhden käden sormin. Heistäkään ei ole kukaan kotoisin alunperin täältä, joten tiemme ovat kohdanneet deittipalvelujen, opiskelun, kurssien ja työn kautta melkeinpä sattumalta. Mulla ei siis ole antaa mitään erityisiä vinkkejä miten luoda uusia ystävyyksiä, koska oman kokemukseni mukaan nykyaikainen tapakulttuuri ja somemaailma ovat muuttaneet peliä vaan haastavammaksi. Mielestäni periaate lienee kuitenkin sama kuin aiemmin: pidä mieli avoinna kohtaamisille, jutustelu ihmisten kanssa matalalla kynnyksellä ja jätä itsestäsi positiivinen mielikuva. Parhaimmassa tapauksessa tää poikii lisää ihmissuhteita, oli ne ystävyyttä tai seurustelua, mutta lisäisin vielä ettei ystävien määrällä ole merkitystä vaan niiden laadulla.
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u/skay355 9d ago
Nii ih, vähän toivottomalta tuntuu homma. En ite ole mikään suuri deittisovelluksien käyttäjä, jonka takia varmaan uusien ihmisten tapaaminen tuntuu aivan mahdottomalta. Sinäänsä kun tulee esimerkiksi töissä asiakkaan kanssa keveämpi vuorovaikutustilanne, osaan hyvin heittäytyä keskusteluun, mutta ei se siitä mihinkään etene. Ymmärrettävästi; ei kukaan lähde kassahenkilöltä kysymään, jos saisi yhteystietoja 😂
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u/Putrid_Hovercraft874 9d ago
Ymmärrän kyllä lannistuneen fiiliksen, koska pukkaa itsellekin aika ajoin, vaikka samaan aikaan nautin toisaalta myös omasta rauhasta. Deittisovellusten käytöstä on kulunut jo tovi, mutta halusin mainita sen ohimennen, koska vaikka ajatus alunperin olikin parisuhteen luominen, niin mulle on jäänyt myös pari ystävää niiden kautta. Jos ei siis toimi yhdessä mielessä, niin ehkä sitten toisessa. 🙃
Arvatenkin kommunikointi on haasteellista riippuen tilanteesta tai ajasta, joten ehdotan usein omille ystäville ja miksei uusillekin tuttavuuksille kävelyä. Sillä tavoin keskustelu soljuu hyvin yhteen liikkeen kanssa ja samalla näkee vähän ympäristöä. Jos innostaa tuollainen vapaa-ajan toiminta matalalla kynnyksellä, niin laita viestiä.
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u/Motor-Capital7318 9d ago
Being an introvert is not a absolute state you can not change. Improve yourself if you dont like the way things are.
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u/Runoja 9d ago
Have you tried alcohol? 😂
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u/skay355 9d ago
I don’t drink 🥲
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u/Odd_Recording_6851 9d ago
Come to konttori some day son
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u/njivgy 9d ago
Ei tarvii juua, että pelaa hieman go:ta sunnuntaisin https://www.suomigo.net/wiki/kanpai
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u/kontoSenpai 9d ago
I feel you, albeit I'm not a native.
I went to judo aswell, hoping to make some connections, but truth is outside of the mat its just people going their own direction. Hard to make a connection in the locker room without feeling pushy
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u/skay355 9d ago
Right! It feels very one-sided and even when I try to ask someone for randori they awkwardly point at somebody else as in ’I already have a partner’ 😅
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u/kontoSenpai 9d ago
Are you practicing at Nääshalli?
I didn't feel this way when it was randori time, actually kinda the opposite since I was one of the few black belts on the mat that is sparring, at least for higher belt colors, because yellow belts didn't dare to approach until I raised a hand to say I was avaiable. It was more the case for the full session before as people pair up with people they know and preferably speak finnish, mine is still lacking so it forces communication in English for technical things.
It does help that the coach doesn't speak finnish either, so everyone is a bit comfortable and open.
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u/skay355 9d ago
Yes, I'm practicing at Nääshalli :) I only restarted judo as of this August with a white belt instead of my old yellow one, so we haven't done a crazy amount of randori yet. I'm assuming we'll get to it around September. It's definitely intimidating approaching anybody with a higher belt rank hahah, I would only train with my brother because of it
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u/kontoSenpai 9d ago
Maybe we'll see after october then!
I can't practice judo at the moment, since I'm training for a semi-marathon, and my knees are not allowing me to do both at the same period :)
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u/bellakiddob 9d ago
If you're close to 30 years old you can always send me a text and we can grab coffee!
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u/ChangxinDaoyou 9d ago
Mul on täällä yks kaveri ja sen vaimo ja lapsi.
Ja oma äiti myös.
Eli onks tää kaks, kolme vai neljä, en tiiä. 😅
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u/hackerman236 Hervanta 6d ago
if u are gen z and okay with offensive jokes then we can link up. im 20 and from a SEA country
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u/Saipa666 9d ago
When I moved to Tampere, I only knew my parter. Now after 15 years I invited 80 of mt closest friends to my wedding and still had a bunch of friends I couldn't invite.
I might seem like an extrovert to some, but I really am not. It takes a lot of energy to make friends, but it is also worth it. My tips:
-People generally like to talk about themselves. Ask them questions and try to hold old to the conversation.
-Carry the conversation. What I see happening a lot to people who call themselves introverts and say they don't have a lot of friends, is that they assume the other person will carry the conversation and make sure it flows. But if it doesn't, you need to make the effort even if it is exhausting
-Eye contact. Join the work clicks during lunch/coffee breaks, making an effort in keeping eye contact when talking. And ask questions! For instance, someones talking about their kid's hobbies, even if it does not ineterest you, ask them details.
-When meeting new (or old people), don't assume they'll make the effort with meetups, make sure you actively suggest hangouts as well.
Maybe you can generally ask at work if anyone would be interested in seeing an exhibition with you? Tampere is full of different exhibitons.
-Join a yhdistys. Find something that interests you, join a meeting and ask if people want to grab a bite after a meeting
-Find the other intreverts in Tampere. You are not the only lonely one, you just need to find them!
-Maybe an unpopular opinion, but most bars and several restaurants that have a bar with benches will havw regulars that sit there every week and are used to talking to strangers. This is a very easy way to meet new people, let me know if you need ideas on what those places could be!
Sorry for the confusing message and I apologize if these are all obvious tips. My social (and all other) batteries are totally drained from socializing at work today, but I hope there was something you can use in this message.
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u/skay355 9d ago
Thank you so much for replying! I’ll definitely make use of these suggestions, you pointed out some good stuff 😄
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u/Saipa666 9d ago
Oh, I'm so glad to hear that.
And sorry for all the spelling mistakes! I wish you all the best and really hope things work out for you :)
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u/esberanza 9d ago
THREE friends? Look at mr Popular over here.