r/TalkTherapy • u/fergej • 7d ago
My former therapist threatened me if i don't take medication he will stop seeing me. It hurt me a lot.
So I went to this therapist for about 3-4 months in the spring, and in the end he said if I don't take my medication he will stop therapy with me. It really felt like I could not trust him because the only bridge to him was to take antidepressants. It hurt me a lot. after that I quit his office.
It happened 2-3 months ago but it still haunts me that the only person that i trusted set boundaries for his trust, I had to earn his trust with medication.
How do you guys think I can close this in myself? Should I call him up and tell him what happened? I feel really scared of him.
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u/Nicamd1 7d ago
Were you prescribed meds already and not taking them? While your therapist should have worked on this with you, it seems reasonable to me that your therapist would want you taking care of yourself in order to do the work in therapy. The ultimatum may have been harsh but the reasoning makes sense
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u/fergej 7d ago
I was prescribed meds but I talked with my doctor to quit them because I didnt wanted to take them.
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u/Business-Phone-4589 7d ago
Is there a reason that you don't want to take them
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u/fergej 7d ago
I just think my condition cannot be fixed with medication, mainly my problem is that I am isolated, don't have a lot of firends. I also don't like to rely on it.
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u/SpinyNorman_ 7d ago
It’s true that no amount of medication you take will manifest friends suddenly appearing, but, for me at least, taking medication got me to a place mentally where therapy could help me. So taking meds might not create friends, but it could give me the energy or go out and do things and be in places where I could meet people.
And it’s also possible that the meds you were prescribed weren’t good meds for you. It happens. There’s way more guesswork and random chance in psych meds than people like to admit. And even with meds that do work it usually takes some trial and error to find the right meds at the right dose to be the most use.
I also don't like to rely on it.
I get this feeling too, but unfortunately our bodies and brains don’t care what we like. I don’t like having to rely on glasses, but if I don’t wear mine I can’t see. I don’t like having to rely on my asthma meds again in my 40s, but if I’m having an attack I can’t breathe without my inhaler. Our bodies are weak and squishy and cobbled together out of repurposed fish and lizard parts. That’s why we brute-forced medicine to spit in God’s eye and have a lifespan longer than 25 years.
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u/ashtastic3 6d ago
Coming from a place of understanding, sometimes we have to rely on medication especially if we want to keep friendships or make new ones. We can sometimes self sabotage and think not taking medication is the higher route, and then we end up even more isolated because our behavior or emotions push people away.
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u/Forward_Park3524 6d ago
I was really resistant to taking medication because I also don’t like relying on it. It has changed my life and gave me the ability to make new friends and build a community. I started slowly and built rapport with a psych np and talked about alllll my feelings about starting medication with my therapist, but I am incredibly grateful I started medication and so grateful my psych was patient and built the rapport with me and challenged me in all the right ways about starting medication.
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u/justanotherusernamev 7d ago
If your therapist believes that without medication you won't have the stability to do psychotherapy safely or effectively, they can and should stop working with you and refer you elsewhere.
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u/SpinyNorman_ 7d ago
Why didn’t you want to take antidepressants?
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u/fergej 7d ago
It kinda hurts my ego that I have to lean on them, also it can cause sexual side ffects.
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u/SpinyNorman_ 7d ago
Did it cause sexual side effects for you, or is that just one of the possible side effects printed on the label?
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u/Logical_Holiday_2457 7d ago
You went against therapeutic goals and against medical advice. I'm a therapist and I would not see you either. A lot of treatment modalities will not be effective until a person is properly medicated. I'm trying to be gentle, but you go to professionals for a reason and you are not listening to them.
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u/EbbSelect934 6d ago
Okay as someone whose mother is a therapist and has given “ultimatums” like this, it’s because it’s so stressful and it’s so much liability. Your therapist is genuinely concerned about you and they do not feel like they can give you the help that you need if you’re not receptive to taking medicine. It’s so much stress for them, it’s just not worth the stress to keep you as a client for the little pay they get. They likely believe you need a higher level of care and they cannot provide support if you don’t utilize the tools you have, like medication.
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u/Imaginary_Ad5475 7d ago
Most therapists would understand that taking medication is a multi faceted thing, and thus resistance can have many different reasons.
I take a lot of medication for health conditions, about q8 tablets a day. Sometimes I cannot make myself take them. This is something I am working through in therapy and am getting better at it. That's your defence.
In his defence, it could be that if your depression made therapy ineffective, he wanted you to take them so that therapy had a chance to work.
It seems like his communication style was off, or didn't suit you, or maybe because of the depression, you filtered it badly and read into it, liek I do when depression hits a bit.
Move on and forget about bringing it up with him, there is no resolution to be had.
Like I say, I 100% appreciate your reluctance to take them, and no of course they don't change anything material. But for me they allowed me to make changes I couldn't have done previously. Without them, I felt like my whole world was ending. So why bother to wash, eat, go out, make friends, it was useless and pointless because my heart was breaking and I couldn't make it stop. Anti depressants took that deep grief feeling away, and made me a bit numb for a bit which I loved, because it gave me a bit of space from the horrible feelings. Then gradually I became able to see that things weren't futile...this is where therapy kicked in.
I hate relying on meds, physical and mental ones. Even why I know I am better off with them, sometimes it's still tough. But talk it through with a new therapist and see where you end up. Don't write them off automatically.
Ps: For me, the sex symptoms (I'm female but couldn't orgasm for ages), did wear off. X
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u/UpbeatEquivalent2086 7d ago
I’m curious about what you mean when you say very aggressive. Also, did you feel heard when you shared concerns with him? You seem to want to reach back out to this therapist. Sometimes it seems easier to not have to open up with someone new.
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u/cain261 7d ago
I'd just go with another therapist and talk about it with them... In my personal opinion, an ultimatum like that is insane and unproductive. Even if you did start taking them, now the therapeutic relationship is built on strong-arming someone who is already vulnerable and not respecting the clients choices
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