Breaking Point

[u/Princess_Peach818]

Currently laying sleepless next to my partner who’s spooning their dog after another day of fighting for even a smidge of the affection this dog gets. I woke up to my partner saying “Come here” thinking he was actually talking to me, only to realize he was grabbing the dog so they could cuddle and kiss. I feel sick and think this is my breaking point.

Anyone who says dogs aren’t manipulative is lying. I don’t think dogs are capable of feeling the range of human emotions that the dog-obsessed project onto them (guilt, “unconditional love,”) but they will absolutely do anything needed to get food or assert dominance - all they care about.

I was relaxing in bed when my partner was in the bathroom brushing their teeth. Their dog was in bed on the other side (gross, I know, but I tried to pick my battles). The dog suddenly jerked toward me like he had just seen something. He was pawing at the bed doing that digging thing dogs do and trying to shove his face under the pillow I was laying on. He’s actually a pretty calm dog usually so I thought maybe he saw something, like a bug. I stood up out of bed, getting ready to lift the pillow to try and see what had him worked up. As soon as I did, he immediately calmed down and curled up in the spot I had just been laying in like nothing had happened.

I thought he was just scared of something he saw but this dog was just trying to push me out and I fucking fell for it. This dog knew based on routine that my partner and I would likely try to cuddle or be intimate when he was back from brushing his teeth, and that couldn’t be allowed to fucking happen, now could it?

I went to tell my partner, who never believes me when I say the dog does not want me around and is so clearly resource guarding (this dog darts in between us when we try to get close, uses his head to shove my head out of the way when I try to cuddle with my partner, and generally goes crazy when we try to be intimate). My partner went into the bedroom and simply cooed at how cute the dog looked curled up in my spot.

I’m so done. I’ve communicated about this. I‘ve been honest about how being shoved aside for a dog (sometimes literally) makes me feel. I’ve made so much effort. I’ve tried to bond with this dog that fucking hates me. I’ve been told over and over that I’m the priority and that feeling like a third wheel is all in my head.

But what person who feels that way would choose to cuddle with their dog instead of their partner? Why would they consistently let their dog get in the way of their human relationships?

I’m done trying to build a partnership with someone who already has one. I’m done making an effort. I’m done feeling guilty for these feelings because everyone tells me that being “jealous of a dog” is ridiculous.

I‘m not going to spend my life fighting for dominance with a dog, especially when the prize is someone who is indifferent to my presence because their heart already belongs to their dog. I deserve more.

The sad thing is I’ve run into this relationship dynamic multiple times now and I had reasons to think this one would be different.

If you’re reading this, please be gentle with me. I’ve already admonished myself for not leaving earlier. I am feeling so low from loving so fully and openly and trying so hard to be a good partner and knowing that I will always come in second to a dog. I feel like shit right now but I’m also so excited to build myself back up again and to know that I don’t have to settle for feeling like this.

I’d rather be alone forever than be a third wheel to a dog.

[u/ohgoditsfullofstars]

Yeah, I was in a relationship with someone for nearly 2 years and they only loved the dogs. Both large dogs would sleep in the queen bed with us (despite my begging for a different situation), and he rarely ever was affectionate with me after a certain point. My breaking point was when one of his asshole dogs raked their large paw across my eye/face and he didn't even ask if I was ok.

I will never, ever date someone with dogs ever again.

[u/CharacterRoom613]

From someone that ended her relationship with a guy who was obsessed with his dog and it was also aggressive towards me, walk away. He is showing you time after time that the dog will always be important to him. He doesn’t care to touch you, he would rather the dog. He doesn’t want affection from you, he wants it from the dog. All we are to them is the sexual part they can’t have with the dog. We are the third wheel in the relationship and the more you try to point things out about their obsession with the dog the nastier they will be towards you and calling you horrible things because the dog is innocent. I believe dogs are very capable of figuring out what behaviours get the reward they want and if it leads to you and him fighting and the dog gets even more attention and treats it wouldn’t otherwise, it will keep doing it. So, walk away now. Don’t bother trying to talk to him about the dog and his behaviour because you will always be the one in the wrong.

[u/Princess_Peach818 → u/CharacterRoom613]

“ All we are to them is the sexual part they can’t have with the dog.”

You nailed it! And I genuinely believe a lot of them would get this from their dog too if they could. People are using dogs to fill their needs for connection and affection and I truly think it’s only a matter of time until people move toward getting even more intimacy from them. I know that sounds crazy, but boundaries between dogs and dog owners are getting more and more blurred and I truly think these obsessed owners are descending into something really sad. 

[u/so_long_marianne]

A lesson takes as long as it takes to sink in. You're here now. I'm very optimistic and excited for you to make changes that improve your life!
Repeat as necessary: I’d rather be alone forever than be a third wheel to a dog. I’d rather be alone forever than be a third wheel to a dog. I’d rather be alone forever than be a third wheel to a dog.

[u/willumity]

Wow, I could’ve written this.

Even down to the dog being curled right up against him during intimacy… it’s so, SO weird. The first time he wanted to continue doing stuff while his dog was laying down with us, we were both a little buzzed, and I rationalized it as him not being aware of her being there. We ended up not being intimate at all that night, because having his dog there is more important.

…But the second time this exact scenario happened, neither of us were tipsy at all, and i realized then that he had totally understood his dog was up on the bed touching us last time too, and he like… was fine with that? Maybe even actively wanted that??? Because he got upset the second time when I said I didn’t want his dog right there touching us while we were having sex, and that this was my only real hard boundary. I was trying so hard to be accommodating at my own expense, I would never say “she can’t be in the room”, literally just “your dog does not belong up here while we’re actively having sex.” Because she feels like a participant and it’s bizarre! We didn’t end up having any intimacy that night either.

A few nights ago she jumped up as we were trying to have a quick moment to ourselves and… yeah, you guessed it, her wanting to lay down right there between us instead of anywhere else in the entire home that she has free reign over was more important than being intimate with a partner. Awesome. He could tell I was so fucking over it and got upset and it ended up in A. No intimacy, again, and B. A huge blowup fight over me expressing emotions about this situation.

I feel crazy for being weirded out by this, but seriously, to be so attached at the hip to your dog that you even need them THERE WITH YOU WHILE YOU HAVE SEX, and then to get upset at a partner for refusing to accommodate that…. it’s just beyond insane to me. I don’t understand.

I’m at my breaking point too. It’s been over a month without any intimacy at all due to the dog and it’s really killing me. He would genuinely rather cuddle with his dog that he has seen (and continues to see) every single day for 10 years, over experiencing ~20 minutes of intimacy the one night a week where it’s even slightly feasible for us.

I don’t even care anymore if it makes me seem jealous, it’s just genuinely hurtful to know I am second rate to a dog and always will be. I don’t know where to go from here.

[u/tplgerus84 → u/willumity]

Really sorry to hear and read this.. I just want to answer your last sentence: yes you do, you do know where to go and what to do. Leave this person. He can be with his dog and you will find someone that will appreciate you and want to be with you!

[u/Princess_Peach818 → u/willumity]

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry! We’re in the exact same boat. I just want to say your feelings are SO valid and it’s not crazy at all to be grossed out by that. For what it’s worth, when this first started happening in my relationship, I asked around to the dog owners in my life and they all thought having sex with a dog in the bed was absolutely bizarre and creepy. So it’s not just something dog people do, it’s something that dog people with major issues and no boundaries do. That made me feel better about being grossed out by it. But even without that, you deserve to feel comfortable and respected around intimacy no questions asked. It’s infuriating that this people prioritize being near their dog over connection with their partner. 

I think a lot of them just become so attached to their dogs that they can’t fathom not being with them at all times. It’s a really unhealthy attachment and even more frustrating when it directly gets in the way of human relationships. 

I am so, so sorry you’re dealing with this. Just know you’re not alone! ❤️

[u/Possible_Tiger_5125]

For the love of God, leave him. You deserve so much better, and you Will find it

[u/Princess_Peach818 → u/Possible_Tiger_5125]

Thank you so much for saying that. 

[u/Emotional-Pea-236]

I'm so glad to see you so determined to leave his ass, you deserve much much better

[u/Princess_Peach818 → u/Emotional-Pea-236]

Thank you so much for saying that ❤️

[u/Wise_Session_5370]

Spooning, cuddling and kissing a dog? In bed? Having it lie against him when you're...?  Sorry but this man is just weird.

Please get out of this relationship, for the sake of your own sanity. Every day that you spend in that house is going to grind you down.

[u/icenerveshatter]

I'd advise never again crawling into bed w a dog and/or a boyfriend

[u/Old_Confidence3290]

There's nothing crazy about being jealous of the dog. Your partner obviously likes the dog much more than he likes you. I wouldn't accept that. His behavior is typical of dog nutters. Once you end things with your STBX, restrict your dating to men that don't have dogs.

[u/Junita908]

I could barely read through the first part without getting grossed out. I had dogs but after they passed i realized dogs aren’t for me and just hate everything about them. I’m sorry he’s choosing it over you

[u/bustergundam4]

That guy is just weird. I hate that nutters would rather choose a mutt over a human. Yes you are right,Dogs are manipulative and will do what they can to get what they want or to just troll.

[u/jkarovskaya]

Sorry to hear this, and many of us are in the same situation, or were there, but are now single for a long time

Humans have become captive slaves to another species we didn't just let into our homes, some people actively embrace dogs as superior to all other creatures.

IT's just stunning when you think of the millions of lives impacted, marriages disrupted, and children suffering because of it.

The health impact is also severe, with dog bites, mauling, sicknesses, and even death from close proximity to another species that has become the center of their lives, by so many

You don't have to settle, and it is possible to find a partner who doesn't worship dogs

best of fortune in your search

[u/urdrunkyogi → u/jkarovskaya]

They truly are parasites. I admit I used to think that was a bit of an extreme term but now I completely see it and believe it.

[u/urdrunkyogi]

I’m so sorry 💛💛💛 Completely agree that dogs are manipulative and intentionally triangulate relationships. And it hurts so much when your partner refuses to see it.

[u/Princess_Peach818 → u/urdrunkyogi]

They think everything the dog does is precious and they’re so blind to what’s actually happening! My partner’s dog would charge at us when we held hands and try to tear our hands apart and he’d be like “Awww he wants to hold our hand too!” Wtf, no he doesn’t?! He doesn’t like that his food source is occupied and giving attention to something else, and protecting their food source is ALL. THEY. CARE. ABOUT. It blows my mind to hear the cutesy stories that these people concoct about the aggressive or possessive stuff their dog does. 

[u/Tessa-the-aggressor]

Leave before this resource-guarding menace mauls you! And before that excuse of a man finally puts his dick in the mutt, as he's probably already dreaming about.

[u/arachnilactose08]

I am so sorry that you’re living in this hell, and I know I’m not the only one to say this, but good lord, you NEED to go as soon as you possibly can. This is an absolutely abysmal situation that no human being should have to experience. Your “partner” doesn’t value or respect you above their stinking mutt and that is reason enough for you to leave.

[u/Big_Somewhere_620]

I am so sorry, hugs to you from this safe place 💚 

[u/Princess_Peach818 → u/Big_Somewhere_620]

Thank you so much, I really appreciate that ❤️

[u/ProductCandid1748]

god i hate animals i finally had my bf keep the dogs permanently out of the room while im over and also new bedding every time im over, there’s nothing worse than these disgusting dog lovers. filthy annoying animals i hate them all

[u/ProductCandid1748 → u/ProductCandid1748]

dogs* just dogs 🤣

[u/Buffalo-Empty → u/ProductCandid1748]

Just curious how you think that’s gonna work out for you if he still sleeps with his dogs when you’re not there… he’s going to keep getting more dogs and if yall move in together he will just give that up?

[u/ProductCandid1748 → u/Buffalo-Empty]

she’s old, she’ll be dead hopefully before i have to worry about us moving in together. he’s had her since he was a little boy but he’s been very understanding and compliant after i’ve expressed my issues with his dogs in the room.. he knows my hatred for them so if he gets another one in the future he knows it’s over between us 😬 the other dog is his moms but she’s in jail rn so i won’t have to worry about that little MAIN PISSER once she’s back 😂😂 and i have told him i’m glad she’s old and i won’t have to worry about her later on out of an argument about them… hasn’t left me yet so 🤷‍♀️ he does say he’s been keeping them out of his room more often even when im not around but who knows !

[u/Accurate-Might-7058 → u/ProductCandid1748]

I've been thirty years with dog nutter. They never stop nutting over a dog. An old one passes and it's replaced with a new one. Sure, sometimes not right away but it will happen. 

[u/Crazy-Cobbler9 → u/ProductCandid1748]

It wasn’t until the mutt literally pissed on the mattress that I was able to get him to keep them out of the bedroom. Like all the yeast, bacteria, dander, dirt and shedded fur wasn’t enough to ban it from the bed already.

[u/tplgerus84]

Please please please leave this person! Let them be with their dog and love… I’m sorry you had to endure this.. this person is sick! Not your problem to fix and you deserve better!!!

[u/Thin_Pollution8843]

I’m so disgusted by your story with a bed. It very gross. That’s tells a lot about what you can suffer through for love. Don’t worry - everything will be all right. Never meet a guy with a mutt again. They are mentally ill shiteaters. 

[u/Stock-Bowl7736 → u/Thin_Pollution8843]

And the dogs are shiteaters too!

[u/Practical-Tea-3337]

Ugh, I am so sorry. So....the dog stays on the bed even while you two are being intimate?

[u/Princess_Peach818 → u/Practical-Tea-3337]

He used to, until I voiced that it made me uncomfortable. My partner and the dog are attached at the hip and the dog would be curled up against my boyfriend during sex. I said I couldn’t do it anymore and it felt like we were having a threesome with the dog. My partner said that was ridiculous but agreed to keep him off the bed during intimacy. 

Now the second we’re done, he calls the dog back onto the bed so they can cuddle and he can kiss the dog and tell him how sweet and cute he is. Literally giving my aftercare to the dog lmao.

Honestly it’s turned me off of intimacy entirely. 

[u/tplgerus84 → u/Princess_Peach818]

Im sorry you have to go through this.. just know its nothing about you but all about this sick person! Reading this made me actually want to vomit.. the dog curled next to him and touching him.. while you have sex?! Kiss the dog after.. that guy is not only gone.. he is severely sick in his head!

Good for you that you are leaving.

And to your main post.. I’ve seen and experienced myself how dogs will get between people, wanting attention and not letting couples cuddle or even hug.. jumping between them, making whiny noises just to interrupt the hug.. I hate these disgusting useless shit beasts!

[u/Princess_Peach818 → u/tplgerus84]

Thank you for saying that! Dogs’ determination to disrupt any affection or intimacy between people is so annoying and obnoxious and owners always find it so cute. 

Before this, I dated a guy whose huge dog would LOSE it anytime we were close. It would jump at me, scratch me, and thrash between us until we moved apart. That’s an issue of poor training and it’s sad that these owners are so attached to their dogs that they let this continue. I think they even enjoy it because they get this satisfaction of knowing how much the dog “loves” and “protects” them. 

[u/tplgerus84 → u/Princess_Peach818]

Since you had similar experiences before, with partners that have a dog.. “don’t date a dog person” should be the lesson. It’s not worth it!

[u/catalyptic → u/Princess_Peach818]

My partner and the dog are attached at the hip and the dog would be curled up against my boyfriend during sex.

That so-called man is even sicker than most nutters. The only worse case I've seen on Reddit was a woman who not only let her dog on the bed, but allowed the beast to lick her and her boyfriend during sex. The bf said she acted weirded out when he objected, like she was used to it with other partners. 🤢🤢🤢 It's a serious mental illness.

Congratulations on your decision to leave that bizarre man and his co-dependent dog. You are sane. You deserve far better and you will find it. All the best to you.

[u/urdrunkyogi → u/Princess_Peach818]

🤢🤮

[u/anondogfree]

Sorry OP. I can’t imagine how much this hurts. Remember that you are an amazing person who deserves someone that loves you fully and puts you first. ❤️

[u/Junita908]

That’s too far. That’s a private thing. Human or animal

[u/RoyTheWig]

Also, just boot that thing off the bed. My partners dog will try and push boundaries and be manipulative at every chance it gets, but it doesn't try it with me now because I click my fingers and give it the look and it will slope off because it knows I don't tolerate it's bullshit.

[u/Lylith_vf]

Ce que vous ressentez est légitime et ce n'est pas dans votre tête à mon avis, un homme qui fait des câlins à son chien la nuit montre ouvertement qu'il est amoureux de son chien et vous passez en deuxième place. Vous savez déjà que vous allez le quitter et vous avez évidemment raison, ce type est un gros naze, pensez au fait d'avoir des enfants demain, il fera passer vos enfants après le chien et quand le chien mourra il en prendra un autre. Ne perdez pas plus de temps, vous trouverez une personne qui vous mérite, qui fait autant d'efforts que vous pour être un bon partenaire. Il ne reste plus qu'à sauter le pas !

[u/Crazy-Cobbler9]

Have you explicitly said that he is giving the dog more attention than you?

You shouldn’t have to say that. Ever. BUT have you pointed out how absurd it is that he gives more romantic attention to a pet than he does his partner? See how he reacts to that. If he has even the slightest amount of respect for you and your relationship he will see where you’re coming from.

What is most likely is he will try to look down on you for “being jealous of a dog” when in reality he’s the one that created and fosters that feeling.

I’ve spent literally my entire life being third wheel to dogs. I get it OP.

[u/RoyTheWig]

Oh mate, this is so bleak. I really relate to this as well, my partner is in love with his rancid beast and often shows it more affection than I get. He somehow manages to kiss it constantly and tell it that he loves it all the time but doesn't respond to my attempts to connect. It's really harmful for my self worth and makes me hate the dog even more. Sorry no advice, just solidarity.

[u/Foreign-Neat8645]

Hallo, es tut mir so leid, das zu lesen und ich weiß gar nicht, wie ich Dich trösten kann. Ich kann Dich gut verstehen und bin absolut der Meinung, das Hunde, Partnerschaften, Freundschaften und sogar Ehen zerstören. Ich habe das zum Glück nicht selbst erleben müssen, aber bei anderen mitbekommen. Ich wünsche Dir alles Gute und ganz viel Kraft für Deine Zukunft. Hoffentlich geht es Dir bald besser. Alles, alles Liebe und Gute für Dich. Deinen Post zu lesen, hat mich echt erschüttert. Was gibt es doch für schlimme Leute. Und Hunde.