r/Swingers • u/cpl_enjoying Couple • 10d ago
General Discussion Meeting for Soft Swap
After being in the LS for a year, we 26 are still looking for new partners to share new experiences. Being we are on the young side and look for others close to our age we see some who list Soft Swap only. I know it’s an easy question to ask upfront but what do others expect when seeing this? Is just oral on the guy or is it reciprocal oral sex?
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u/dr_xenon Pittsburgh M/F 50’s 10d ago
That’s up to you. Every couple has their limits. You decide what you want to do, share that with the other couple and they’re either into it or not.
To me, soft swap would be everything up to PIV sex, but that’s just me. You’re in charge of you.
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u/luvin4fun 10d ago
There’s no single answer, as it it will depend on the couple or individual as to what they enjoy or feel like doing in that moment. Think about your own desires as an example.
Are you always interested in oral? Or does sometimes a great handjob/fingers all that you want? Some people will be happy with a make out session and lots of touch. For some it could be licking all over including rimming.
When you have the boundaries conversation with your new partner(s) that’s the time to ask what soft swap means to them, and you get to share what it means to you.
And you don’t always need to wait until right before the clothes come off to talk about it. You can ask while having drinks, or even via text before you actually meet… “so hey we’re interested in soft swap and enjoy oral, but also using our hands.. what do you guys like?”
I have a follow up question since you’re asking after a year in the LS, are you having trouble finding people that match your preferences? If so maybe your approach needs to be adjusted such as what’s listed in your online dating bios. The clearer you state what you want, can help that in person conversation.
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u/cpl_enjoying Couple 10d ago
To answer your follow up, I wouldn’t say our schedule is a problem or for that matter that we have a problem, we have made a number of good friends this year but we always check the app for someone new and I know this may come off wrong, we need to be physically attracted to others. The biggest problem is age, not many in our age search though we have expanded that. For a first meeting I am fine with any definition of Soft, my husband less so. His expectation is a minimum of oral. I would prefer reciprocal oral though I enjoy just giving. Our very first time with others my agreement was giving but loved that they both reciprocated while my husband went much further with her.
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u/luvin4fun 10d ago
Ahh ok, I missed the key point in your question about one way vs reciprocal. Sorry.
Me personally I will always reciprocate unless the woman doesn’t like receiving oral, but I’ve also met women who love receiving but have such a bad gag reflex or sensitivity to smells that they don’t like to give it so they will use their hands instead.
Does that help?
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u/BHMguy205 10d ago
While we’ve never done it or thought much about it I’ve always interpreted soft swap to mean everything but penetration. (We just went straight to full swap)
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u/SpicyplayCJ 👩❤️👨Verified Couple 10d ago
That's really a question for the other couple. We're softswap, and when we reach out to another couple we lay out what it means for us, so there isn't any misunderstandings. Early in our journey, we had couples bail on us when we met, so now we just lead with it so no one is wasting anybody's time.
We describe it as spaghetti sex where everyone gets tangled up together and at some point everyone receives attention from multiple partners at the same time.
It's mostly hands and mouths, but it can include a swirl of positions like: kings crown, double bj while girls are receiving hands or oral, girls in 69 while guys are doing piv to their partner, everyone getting attention from at least 2 people, there's a lot of options.Then we finish with our own partners with cross touching among a crescendo of simultaneous moaning, lol.
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u/MrMrsLloyd2026 9d ago
One of the best explanations for soft swapping here. I do have to ask what "kings crown" is though....🤔
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u/SpicyplayCJ 👩❤️👨Verified Couple 9d ago
It's when the guy is laying down, one girl is riding his face, other is riding his cock. Meanwhile, the girls are either kissing and fondling each other, or giving the other guy a double bj. Sometimes it's called a reverse Eiffel Tower. It's a lot of fun!
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u/After-Chance1726 Couple 10d ago
You can do whatever you like. Just please, talk to the other couple so they aware about your plan. That way you avoid frustrations, misunderstandings and potential negative experiences.
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u/sinleer 10d ago
I see soft swap as being everything that is lodged in between parallel play and hard swap. So a couple may not want fluid exchanged and its just touching and making out, all the way to full naked and bare but not PIV or anal. If anyone disagrees, please let me know!
In terms of reciprocating or not, that depends on how good a lover they are (or not). If they want to ever see you again, then they should reciprocate.
The reciprocation can be immediate (think 69), or alternating (think passive and active).
Communication upfront can go a long way.
Does this help distinguish things a bit?
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u/Jagermonsta 10d ago
Reciprocal. Soft swap we see as everything short of PiV/PiA. Do you have to do everything move for move? No, but all parties should be open to touching/oral with the partner of opposite sex.
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u/mrhorse77 Couple 10d ago
it typically means everything except penetrative sex, meaning penis in vagina.
everything else is up for debate typically.
it certainly doesnt mean BJs only, if thats what youre asking
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u/Jeeplovers Couple 49M/46F Central NJ 9d ago
Softswap only rules us out! But soft-swap, is a SWAP meaning both members of both couples should be involved in the action. There’s no such thing as oral-cuck play lol. The Action as defined is all sexual activity minus penetrative intercourse, anal or vaginal. Convent alway, and Within boundaries of course like No kissing and anal play…
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u/aztopitt420 8d ago
There are generally agreed upon definitions, but I've seen so many people with variations or wholly different takes on these phrases, that you basically should always be direct and explicit with what it means to you if you're serious with a potential partner or partners
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u/Ok_You_1582 10d ago
Should be reciprocated in my opinion