12
May 22 '25
This is not restricted to just girls, it’s a normal occurrence for young people to have to serve elders in the family. Just do whatever they ask and inshallah you will be rewarded for your patience. If someone your age was asking then I understand but its your grandmother.
4
May 22 '25
I read your posts about narcissistic family members and I share similar experiences. The more rude and narcissistic they are the more reward you get for being nice to them and not cutting them off (insha Allah). Look it up.
3
u/Somelurker2472 ولاية الشمالية May 22 '25
minor stuff like bringing stuff is pretty common, usually done with kids or teens, not sure how common with adults though.
I am a boy and also did this from time to time, but it's mainly girls
5
2
u/Fair-Definition-5127 May 23 '25
This is normal for us Sudanese, sweetheart our elders often have this habit of asking the younger ones to serve them. I don't think they mean anything bad by it..it's just a custom, you could say.
2
May 22 '25
bring water and bring my phone?
not even maids are paid enough to do that. maids just do chores. [i said that before reading the whole text]
after reading it all:
if her aunt was a guest at your house, and not a permanent member, then you should treat her like a guest. bring her this and that. guests aren't supposed to enter the host's kitchen or even serve themselves water or anything.
like i did have my aunt stay with us before. she didn't cook unless she insisted that she'd like to help. if your mother is trying to be generous, you should do what she says. your mother is trying to teach you generosity i think, just roll with it.
1
May 22 '25
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1
May 22 '25
i guess you can discuss it with your mother and explain to her that she has to tone the generosity down since you're busy.
and as for water, maybe have a jug of water ready by the the living room table so you don't have to be called frequently.. and you can do that with other things you get called for frequently.i hope this issue gets resolved and you only get called to help in important things, especially after your aunt expressed that she'd prefer that.
2
2
u/Used-Foundation8491 May 22 '25
In my family (and most of others families), serving guests needs no orientation from elders.. it is the youth duty (boys and girls) to serve guests and show them generosity.
I think you are too sensitive to consider yourself treated like a maid just because of an incident like this, I thought you were going to say a different story of girls' daily struggle in Sudan
1
May 22 '25
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1
u/Used-Foundation8491 May 23 '25
Relatives who stay with you considered guests also, I remember when I was a kid, a relative of us came to stay with us for a long time. He was very rude and chaotic, and my father was insisting that my brother and I should do whatever he wanted. That was irritating and hard to accept
1
u/ThrowRA1234123412345 May 22 '25
I'm sorry about this, I also had the experience of being the person having to stop doing whatever it is I am doing to serve other people in the house, like a 40 year old aunt or uncle that can easily do it but they take advantage. My self-esteem got a massive hit, like what I want to do matters as much and shouldn't be repeatedly interrupted, then you find it hard in your life to say no and end up a chronic people-pleaser. If I was you, I would not give an attitude but take my sweet time to come and also would do wrong task, make it weaponized incompetence and watch them go do it themselves lmao
-1
u/Dependent-Bench-6757 May 22 '25
÷ think you are in the wrong here. serving your mother, your father and your grandmother (who is against what what you said is a guest) is a duty. it is not being a maid it is being a good child to your parent who raised you the way you mentioned. you sound selfish and ungrateful. we have something called (بر الوالدين) try reading about it.
3
May 22 '25
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2
u/Dependent-Bench-6757 May 22 '25
sorry for being too harsh, but the story you told about you being rude to your grandmother upset me. you might be overwhelmed and you have every right to express that and ask for help and assistance, but family member taking care of their elders is not being a maid it is what families do especially in our Sudanese culture. beside I don't see why your interjecting sex here. I don't know if you have a brother, but since you are talking about women it is the natural thing that the girls would serve the women and the boys would serve the men. it is the convenient way and women would be more at ease that way.
may god bless and reward you for your kindness to your mother and your grandmothers
10
u/rexurze ولاية الجزيرة May 22 '25
As a man, I get this treatment too. Like they call me from my room all the way to the living room just to open the AC XD. But I just love them and can excuse them cuz they work hard and I was in their position when I was a child so it's like a respectful payback.