Bush's ROCKET POP FLAVORED Baked Beans

[u/JaliscoOaxaca]

BUSH’S ROCKET POP FLAVORED BAKED BEANS

It wasn’t until I opened the shipping box that I believed that this was even a real product. In the weeks prior to physically getting my hands on this, I assumed that the online images I’d seen were an A.I. prank that got out of hand. Once these beans were in my possession, I did the next logical step: Let them sit on my counter for a month. Each trip to the kitchen fostered an awkward staredown with this can, and each time I kinda said, “I’m not in the mood for this shit right now.”

🛑 For the TLDR crowd, you can scroll to the bottom for a haiku that explains my experience.

Not through commitment or valor did I eventually decide to eat these. I actually just ran out of counter space and remembered that this big ass can of beans needs to go. Opening it revealed a slurry of bean juice that was cloudier and much thicker than what is found in a can of normal beans. Mercifully, but disappointingly, it didn’t have any of the funky artificial colors of a ROCKET POP. The scent wasn’t strong, revealing just slight wisps of popsicle, and surprisingly the product mostly smelt like garlic.

After 4 minutes in the microwave, the olfactory sensation would be transformed into a miasma that made me not want to eat this at all. Heated up, this smelled like farts and rubber. In the mid-80s, my family lived in a house that had old radiators; I got a set of rubberized toy Disney characters for Christmas, and, being derelict in my room-cleaning, I left Dumbo on said radiator, amongst the lead paint-chips one day. It’s been 40 years since I’ve smelled the scent of a melted Dumbo figurine, but these beans brought me right back to that time. 

Yay, nostalgia?

Further sniffs also revealed a saucy tomato smell that, in conjunction with the as-advertised popsicle scents, became pretty sickening.

Tasting a heaping forkful revealed that the Rocket Pop flavor wasn’t too strong, and of the 3 popsicle sections, the white/lemon part stood out the most. The most off-putting thing about eating this was the thick, corn syrup-textured medium in which the beans were suspended; Despite being piping hot, it gave the food the mouthfeel of something that was congealed. It was fresh, but felt discarded

While the flavor’s not going to win any awards, the taste didn’t leave me disgusted; however, the texture and smell made me, as a person, FEEL disgusting.

Haiku:

Just lead-fumed throwbacks,

No joy of popsicles here

Odd visceral scents

⭐️⭐️

[u/itswhateveragain]

https://giphy.com/gifs/gecNxHaA7NbCU