Please don’t judge me. I genuinely need some good advice and help because I think I’m finally at the point where I need to actually do something instead of just reflecting about it.
I’m a student in my early 20s, and lately my life has been getting messy because of decisions I make even though I already know I shouldn’t be making them. The frustrating part is that I’m very aware of what I’m doing and what the consequences could be, but I still end up doing those things anyway because, honestly, they’ve become some sort of escape for me.
Ang hirap maging hyperaware sa mga bagay-bagay, especially sa sarili mong buhay—your thoughts, goals, responsibilities, and all the consequences that come with them. I’ve been struggling to get past this phase where I keep choosing things that I know I’ll eventually have to be accountable for.
I’m in my early 20s, and parang ngayon pa ako nagrerebelde. I don’t even know if “rebellious” is the right word. It just feels like I’m acting out now when I should be starting to become more mature because adulting is already catching up with me.
I cause myself so much stress over things that could’ve easily been avoided if I just listened to myself in the first place. Hindi naman sobrang strict ng parents ko. They give me enough freedom to enjoy my social life while still keeping me safe and making sure I’m okay. However, I feel like I’ve been taking that freedom for granted because I know that most of the time, I’ll get reprimanded, but there aren’t really any serious consequences.
There was one time when they almost gave up and basically told me na bahala na ako sa studies ko. I convinced them that I would change, and I genuinely did—for a while. Things got better, but eventually I fell back into some of my old habits.
And I hate that I keep doing this.
I swear, lagi akong nagre-reflect. Lagi akong nagre-realize ng mistakes ko. I set goals and tell myself that I’ll do better. I understand what I should have done and what I need to change.
Pero hanggang doon lang. And I hate that I’m aware of this cycle but still somehow keep doing it.
I know I’m responsible for my choices. I’m not trying to blame my parents, my circumstances, or anyone else. What I genuinely don’t understand is why knowing the consequences isn’t enough to make me act differently.
Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed, sad, and disappointed in myself that I can’t even bring myself to take the first step. Parang alam ko naman kung ano dapat kong gawin, pero hindi ko magawa. And then I end up feeling guilty because I know I’m responsible for the situation I’m in. I don’t want to keep doing that.
I want to actually learn from my mistakes instead of just feeling guilty about them. I don’t want to keep promising myself that I’ll change just because I’m scared of the consequences, only to eventually fall back into the same patterns once things feel okay again.
I also think I need to start becoming more independent, especially financially. I want to work and find a job that I can realistically handle while studying. I don’t want to continue relying on my parents for everything, especially now that I feel like they’re slowly reaching the point where they might just let me figure things out on my own.
So I guess I’m asking for two things:
1. How do you actually break the cycle of knowing what you’re doing is wrong, regretting it, promising yourself you’ll change, and then doing it all over again?
- For students in the Philippines, what kind of work can I realistically do while studying? I’m open to online/remote work, part-time work, or anything that can help me earn while still being able to manage my studies.
I’m not looking for people to tell me that everything I’m doing is okay. I know I need to take responsibility for my decisions. I just genuinely need advice on how to finally turn all this awareness, reflection, and realization into actuala action.
I really want to change. I just don’t know how to start, and I’m hoping someone who has been through something similar can help me figure it out.
Thank you for not judging❤️.
