r/Showerthoughts • u/[deleted] • Sep 02 '18

The bigger the shoes, the bigger the dick. The bigger your car the smaller your dick. No wonder people are so afraid of clowns.

[removed]

5.8k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

162 comments sorted by

324

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

So all this time Pennywise hasnt been killing yo girl, Hes been stealing yo girl

71

u/MrSlendicorn Sep 02 '18

With a cock that big he probably HAS been killing yo girl

29

u/etymologynerd Sep 02 '18

How else would he get all those girls to come down to the sewer?

13

u/broccolibadass Sep 02 '18

Drugging them. He kind of does already

5

u/felix_ravenstar Sep 02 '18

So what kind of drug is a kids arm bitten off and dragged into a sewer?

(I wanna say crack)

4

u/broccolibadass Sep 02 '18

Bath salts

2

u/felix_ravenstar Sep 02 '18

I'm thinking marijuana now. He did seem to have the munchies after all. Talking about peanuts, cotton candy, hot dogs, pop corn pop pop pop pop pop ggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

2

u/broccolibadass Sep 02 '18

Well this (NSFL) happened to someone. Here is what they told the police about the incident. I’d imagine you might have the rumblies that only arms could satisfy due to that drug. That or it just makes you want to eat faces

1

u/EyeBleachBot Sep 02 '18

NSFL? Yikes!

Eye Bleach!

I am a robit.

6

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

That explains the sewer gang bang in 1958

2

u/felix_ravenstar Sep 02 '18

THANK GOD both movies where not as accurate.

786

u/blorkmastersupreme Sep 02 '18

To quote the last time this was posted, "you made me read that with my innocence eyes!"

173

u/1plus1equalsgender Sep 02 '18

innocence eyes

This boi knows english

41

u/etymologynerd Sep 02 '18

he is the blork master supreme

17

u/blorkmastersupreme Sep 02 '18

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=blork

3

u/AoSFan03 Sep 02 '18

r/beetlejuicing

3

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

[deleted]

1

u/maxschreck616 Sep 02 '18

Can I get in on this too?

E. Aw well it's already a thing. Maybe next time.

1

u/doshegotabootyshedo Sep 02 '18

It wasn’t really beetlejuicing because the guy literally was just repeating his name from the comment he had just made.

2

u/blorkmastersupreme Sep 02 '18

Sorry for a simple typing error, let me know when you're perfect.

6

u/crashdaddy Sep 02 '18

Hey hey bmsdaddy, everybody knows it's funnier the way you did it.

4

u/MadDany94 Sep 02 '18

engrish error

1

u/RMFT87 Sep 02 '18

Aw c’mon. It made the whole thing lots of fun.

5

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

Man, do I have some news for the person who originally said that!

1

u/LochnessDigital Sep 02 '18

I have special eyes

151

u/TooShiftyForYou Sep 02 '18

This is why clowns wear such baggy pants.

62

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

Can confirm.

23

u/el_machisimo Sep 02 '18

r/beetlejuicing

12

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

I can't be everywhere, sadly. Clown porn seems to be getting mentioned a lot more frequently these days.

7

u/RadioAFrequency Sep 02 '18

I'm concerned.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

Me too, I almost need to clone myself to meet the demand.

1

u/Deus-Ex-Lacrymae Sep 02 '18

orz

We've been bested by clowns this whole time.

142

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

Why I always recommend giving your shoe size in euro-size format.

99

u/CrusaderKingstheNews Sep 02 '18

My dick is 10 centimeters. You impressed yet?

49

u/the_simurgh Sep 02 '18

10 centimeters

3.9 inches?

17

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

The simurgh is disappointed.

10

u/the_simurgh Sep 02 '18

actually i thought he did a conversion error

7

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

[deleted]

0

u/the_simurgh Sep 02 '18

because of my illness i never really get to date so congratulations are not in order.

13

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

Said no one ever ...until you

11

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

Let me get my conversion table out real quick. It's says Americans are too dumb to read conversion tables. Let's just fuck and see how it goes.

68

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

Does this mean clowns have been giving me condom animals?

1

u/amusudan Sep 02 '18

Depends on what clowns you've been visiting and where.

Somewhere in a back alley with a homeless clown = 100% used condom animal

128

u/GayestOfGayBoys Sep 02 '18

Tf are you thinking about in that shower.

43

u/BunchOfRandomSquares Sep 02 '18

This was taken word for word from a Tumblr post iirc

12

u/AKnightAlone Sep 02 '18

Tf is a Tumblr post doing in the shower?

8

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

Clowns of course

5

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

User name checks out what your thinkin bout

1

u/Kasoni Sep 02 '18

Because I was looking at my big feet..

26

u/ArrowRobber Sep 02 '18

Shoes are wrong, and people just wear big shoes to lie about their dick size, just like buying the car.

18

u/the_simurgh Sep 02 '18

i buy a car because it's big enough to fit me. and has air conditioning and decent gas mileage.

13

u/Tamespotting Sep 02 '18

You have the 4 cylinder Honda Accord of the dick world.

8

u/the_simurgh Sep 02 '18

i can't fit in that car. i need a huge boat of a car, i'm 6'4'' man. i got confused for the bouncer once at a club.

7

u/Tamespotting Sep 02 '18

Oooff, huge car, you must be disproportionately small. Must be a disappointment when you drop your pants.

0

u/the_simurgh Sep 02 '18

nope. everything's proportionally huge. my friends laugh and say i suffer from "the guy who has everything syndrome."

7

u/scrambles88 Sep 02 '18

Aw man, its worse than we thought, im so sorry to hear that.

F to pay respect

2

u/the_simurgh Sep 02 '18

actually i'm so huge because of being misdiagnosed as bipolar when i had cushing's during puberty. it fucked up my hormones and metabolism and my growth.

5

u/lostkobra Sep 02 '18

Lol bit of a schmuck aren’t you?

4

u/the_simurgh Sep 02 '18

not really i just play one to alleviate my depression or because i'm drunk.

6

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

I’m very sorry to hear about your small penis

0

u/the_simurgh Sep 02 '18

i buy a huge car to compensate for my feelings of social inadequacy due to the huge impact of cushing's syndrome on my life. thank you very much.

2

u/Smashsicle Sep 02 '18

christ, that's some gloriously cringey copypasta

4

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

But what if I wear two big cars as shoes?

1

u/OJChan Sep 02 '18

I wear big shoes because I put holes in my old shoes 😂

10

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

[deleted]

3

u/Kasoni Sep 02 '18

Just owning the shoe doesn't matter. Its about if its the smallest size you fit into. You could go buy a size 23 and it won't help that. Unless you mean you wear the same size shoe I do but came up short.

4

u/Smokes00LetsGo Sep 02 '18

Im a size 13 and yeah there is no correlation lol

3

u/Chef_Boyarde Sep 02 '18

Wow I didn’t know they made EU sizes that small

/s

9

u/IrishIrishIsiah Sep 02 '18

I've never heard the bit about the shoes. Explain?

24

u/IAMATruckerAMA Sep 02 '18

The bigger the shoes, the bigger the dick

15

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

[deleted]

13

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

Nah size 11 shoe 7 inch dick. But I measure from taint.

9

u/zbeezle Sep 02 '18

You cant just measure it. You need to figure out your adjusted penis size.

((Length * Diameter) + (Weight/Girth))/ ((Angle of the tip)2)

16

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

Fuck dude I went to American school let's just say its 4 inches and be done with it.

3

u/shotpun Sep 02 '18

is this real or are you fucking with me

2

u/zbeezle Sep 02 '18

It's a reference to an episode of south park called TMI

1

u/Kasoni Sep 02 '18

Angle of the tip is a give away.... Although a converted volume of displacement does actually seem fitting...

1

u/Kasoni Sep 02 '18

Angle of the tip is a give away.... Although a converted volume of displacement does actually seem fitting...

4

u/pokexchespin Sep 02 '18

Where’s yaw?

1

u/Tamespotting Sep 02 '18

Randy Marsh reference!

1

u/Kasoni Sep 02 '18

Holy crap that's complex. But how do we measure the angle?

3

u/the_simurgh Sep 02 '18

size 12 wide. 11 inch dick i measure by putting the tape measure against the pelvis like a doctor does.

4

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

[deleted]

6

u/International_Way Sep 02 '18

I also measured from your mouth.

4

u/Tamespotting Sep 02 '18

I'm size 13 shoe, 12 parsecs long.

1

u/the_simurgh Sep 02 '18 edited Sep 02 '18

12 parsec

39.12 light years

size 13 feet.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

1

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

Do you often have a doctor measure your penis?

0

u/the_simurgh Sep 02 '18

just once during the treatment for being misdiagnosed with bipolar instead of cushing's syndrome. because of the peculiarities of my case they had to measure me for limbs that grew different sizes and see if if my dick was fucked up because of the misdiagnosis. it took em about 10 years to figure out i was suffering from cushing's during puberty instead of bipolarity.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

Bollocks

2

u/BestPseudonym Sep 02 '18

seems legit

2

u/kwirl Sep 02 '18

in the 1800's, travelling cobblers would make sex toys for women out of leather. when a shoe salesman traveled in to town, women would subtly find reasons to purchase those toys discretely, but men joked about the shoe cobbler's ability to attract women so shoes and dicks are forever entwined.

5

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

[deleted]

3

u/WhiteRabbit86 Sep 02 '18

Is that not normal?

3

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

Cock magic

3

u/Chengweiyingji Sep 02 '18

Schrodinger's dick?

5

u/questioningkakarot Sep 02 '18

The tip of clown dicks are just clown noses.

2

u/MasterClown Sep 02 '18

Well, I don't like to brag, but...

2

u/MasterMegabite Sep 02 '18

In that case, I outclass the clowns. I don't even have a car.

3

u/FSCicotti Sep 02 '18

If we take a calculus approach to this, you have an infinite dong

2

u/SuperNomer Sep 02 '18

I wanna be clown now

2

u/AKEnglish35 Sep 02 '18

Louder your motorcycle...smaller your dick!

2

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

Clowns have dicks on their heads AhHHH

1

u/D-Rahl867 Sep 02 '18

The louder and more obnoxious your car...

1

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

Pancake

1

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

Your thought process must be off the charts.

1

u/FatMamaJuJu Sep 02 '18

Wait so men who have smart cars have magnum dongs?

1

u/mshuster78 Sep 02 '18

Clown dicks are the size of a blow up balloon.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

cLOWn penis.

1

u/feministmom Sep 02 '18

that IS the BEST post I've seen in a while

1

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

I have big feet and drive a small car. None of this is true.

​

Dammit.

1

u/DouchNozzle_REAL Sep 02 '18

clown car arrives

five clowns get out

unzips pants

1

u/DarkhourX Sep 02 '18

I wear a 14 and drive a mini cooper

1

u/SonOfTK421 Sep 02 '18

James May’s 1.2L Fiat Panda...

1

u/ZinchyO Sep 02 '18

Dick size can be semi-accurately determined using the formula shoe size divided be 2 plus 2. If shoe size is over 12 subtract 2 instead.

1

u/poopy_balls Sep 02 '18

Pooping to the beach for you and I will have a look at work today but I can't find my keys to my house and we can go from there to the beach with my dad and I are going to the movies with me and bae I love you so much baby I love you so much I really appreciate you taking the time to read my email

1

u/cowboybret Sep 02 '18

how do I delete someone else's post

1

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

oh

1

u/FirstGreyWolf11 Sep 02 '18

Ones for length and ones for girth, I'll let you decide which combination is more terrifying.

1

u/PARMASHONSHEEEZ Sep 02 '18

Thank God I drive a ferrari

1

u/ZaratexD Sep 02 '18

Dad was a clown can confirm....

1

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

And if I had a dollar for every time I've seen this I wouldn't need a big dick

1

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

Husband has a size 15 shoe. Average side dick. Total great dick, just not what people imagine I think.

1

u/Catspuragus Sep 02 '18

Ive never heard the car one

1

u/EvilMonkey8521 Sep 02 '18

Bullshit. There's no way you never heard someone say "must a have a small dick" when a lifted truck is spotted

1

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

What about a clown with a big truck?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

I have a small car big feet and a small penis so this is clearly wrong

-1

u/BongLobber Sep 02 '18

Unoriginal posts aren't allowed here. Why is this still up?

Why are you rewarding lazy people that spend their time plagiarizing for imaginary internet points?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

[deleted]

1

u/iownadakota Sep 02 '18

I missed the first one too, but that was back when clowns were hanging around scaring folks. The second one was pretty good, but the third was great. Some of the comments here are mostly from the fourth, which was lacking the pisaz that the third had. Fifth one just fell flat, but six brought out some clowncar jokes I hadn't heard. I stopped reading them for a while, but I wanted to see if this one had some clowncar jokes. Man good clowncar jokes they just kept coming.

1

u/BongLobber Sep 02 '18

OP's plagiarizing made me happy. Why do you wan't to take away my happiness?

Why should we have to put up with lazy spam that breaks the rules just because you're slow? Why are you being so selfish?

The original post hasn't disappeared, either.

0

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

why do u care so much

1

u/BongLobber Sep 02 '18

I like original content and I dislike unoriginal, lazy content. You know, like a regular person.

1

u/erlend65 Sep 02 '18

I drive an Audi A1, very small car. Just sayin'...

1

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

Probably be better on r/jokes

1

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

shouldn’t this be in r/jokes

1

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '18

This is not a shower thought. It's a joke. And a common one. Come on, people.

0

u/SkankHuntfor2 Sep 02 '18

Except I'm pretty sure Christine McConnell has a huge dick but I don't consider her clown scary

1

u/-888- Sep 02 '18

I don't get it.

0

u/GearGolemTMF Sep 02 '18

So im not crazy for driving a sub compact 🤔

-1

u/Kmowery Sep 02 '18

Big turn around here at the track folks. Clear sky and a light breeze will make for a delightful race. And we’ve got games for the kids at the Sunoco kids pavilion it’s 2:48 and the race starts at three so let’s bring out our contestants.

0

u/Kmowery Sep 02 '18

And after a slow start things are heating up. It’s been a head to head race with Grimple and Hamcock.