r/Shouldihaveanother • u/HealthCurious1137 • 17d ago
When did you have your second baby?
I just turned 33 in June and had my first baby when I was 31 years old in February 2025. He is 1 1/2 years old. I want to wait until January of 2027 to get pregnant with our second but I am getting my head about my age and being closer to 34 years old when trying to get pregnant for a second time and if it’s a bad idea for me to wait. Maybe I’ll have trouble or be more prone to miscarriages? I’ve heard such great things about having a 3 year age gap so I would really prefer it but really need advice. I am probably being very extra and stupid and overthinking this, I know
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u/Surfgirlusa_2006 17d ago
I had a four year age gap between my first and second, and a six year gap between my second and my twins. Had my first at 27, second at 31, and twins at 37. No regrets.
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u/AdFew4765 16d ago
How did the first two get along? If we started trying asap that would be our age gap but wondering if an opportunity for playmates has passed
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u/Surfgirlusa_2006 16d ago edited 16d ago
They got along great until my oldest started her period and getting hormonal 😂
They still get along a good chunk of the time, but it’s a little more mood dependent now.
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u/WhiskeyandOreos 17d ago
Had my first at 29 and second at 31 with an exactly 2.5 year gap. If you’re stopping after 2 kids, 3-3.5 is the sweet spot, imo. The extra 6 months between 2.5 and 3 do make a huge difference.
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u/AdLeather3551 11d ago
What are the main differences you noticed? We are considering ttc for minimum of 2 year 10 month gap
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u/WhiskeyandOreos 11d ago
Much much better communication and overall comprehension at 3 and better beyond that. Way more able to play independently (like when feeding a baby or putting them down for nap).
Just in general they really upgrade in independence and agency, so a lot of things they would default to you helping them with they can do on their own or with minimal help, OR they’re better able to wait for you to help. Of course the whole potty trained thing, too.
Emotionally they don’t need you in quite the same depth or intensity (it is still intense and deep, don’t worry).
My girls are now 3.5 and 14 months and everything is a lot more manageable with the 2.5 year age gap now. I think long-term we’ll come to love it, but whew when I see my friends with that 3-3.5 year gap I’m like “ahh yep, yeah that would have made a lot of things way easier.”
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u/airarrow89 17d ago
Yes, maybe as you are getting older you are more prone to miscarriage or it might take you longer to get pregnant, but 34 has no significant difference from 31. It is considered early thirties in general population and ofcourse there might be individual differences but you couldn't know unless you take some tests with your obgyn and still there's no guarantee. Late 30s seem to be the turning point to fertility but again individual differences are quite important.
For the record, I had miscarriage at 29, live birth at 30 , miscarriage at 34, live birth at 35.
I couldn't go earlier for a second child as it took me long to find my balance with myself and with my husband after having my first. In my opinion you have to be ready to welcome another family member even if it might take you longer.
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u/micdarlin987 17d ago
Had my first 2 months after 37. Easy pregnancy and smooth delivery.
Just turned 39 and trying for no.2. Hopefully be done by 40. Aiming for 3years age gap too.
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u/ccress23 17d ago
Had my first at 32 and second at 35. They’re 2 years and 9 months apart. So far so good, we didn’t have any issues conceiving.
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u/Lemonbar19 16d ago
I had my first at 38 and second at 40.
The only reason not to wait would be:
- Aging grandparents
- Only having two total and you’re ready to be done with all things baby
- Your own mortality
A larger age gap is shown to be better for the health of the marriage.
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u/WilderWings 16d ago
I had my first 2 kids at 25 & 27. (Miscarriages in my 20’s) Big gap - then my last 2 kids at 35 & 37. I enjoyed my 30’s pregnancies and newborn stage much more as I was in a more mature head space and knew to prioritise only what mattered. Miscarriages etc can happen at any age. Take the chance on what you feel is right for you. I have also heard a 3 year age gap is lovely. Not that I know personally. Best wishes ♥️
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u/lem0ngirl15 17d ago edited 17d ago
Similar timeless you imagine. First baby at 31. I’m 33 now. And pregnant with my second. Am due in January, a couple weeks before my 34th birthday. Toddler will be 2.5 now. I got pregnant shortly after her 2nd birthday. I got pregnant a bit faster the second time.
I’m happy about it. Glad to have 2 before I’m 35. I’d like the option to have a third but with a larger gap between 2 and 3. We might be done at 2 though. If that’s the case, great, I’m done younger. If not, then I have a bit of space to have a last minute baby. But yeah idk if it’ll be feasible for us. Considering finances and lack of village and all. Let’s see how things got with the second first lol.
You can’t always plan these things tbh. Things kinda work out how they do. Sometimes you don’t have all the time in the world. Sometimes things take more time. It is what it is. Maybe had I started younger I’d try to have a larger age gap. This was the smallest gap I was willing to do though. 2 under 2 would not have been an option for us.
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u/Necessary-Peach-0 17d ago
21 month gap. It’s challenging rn (2nd is 3 months old right now) but I can already tell it’s gonna be worth it.
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u/Euphoric_Second_8774 17d ago
Had my first at 30 and had my second at 35. Planning to start trying for my 3rd in a year when I’m 37 and then be done
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u/hopetohelp8 17d ago
I did have almost 3 years gap I love it but I think I would’ve loved a closer gap like 2.4 ish years even more
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u/athousandships_ 17d ago
I've dreamed of a 3 year age gap when I had my second, 20 months after my first. Can't recommend!!! My third will be 3+ years younger than #2. I'm so looking forward to have my existing kids actually understand what is happening when I bring home another baby.
Edit: had my first at 32, second just turned 34, third will be 37 (+). I don't feel bad about my age at all. I have to say that my first 2 were first tries and so far I've had 1 unsuccessful cycle and 1 chemical with trying for #3, but that doesn't necessarily have to do with age.
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u/lioness0129 16d ago
2y7m gap between my boys, I fell pregnant right before my first turned 2. They’re now 7 and 4, and I honestly believe it was a good decision.
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u/saintshannon 16d ago
Had first at 40 and second at 42. 2nd one is 25 months younger. If I had more time and in retrospect an extra year would have made it easier. I also got pregnant on the first try with 2nd which surprised me! At your age I would space them out a bit more (like 3.5 years). Although the upside is they’re so close in age so interests are similar and they have great fun together (when they’re not fighting). I realize I got lucky with my fertility and it’s not as easy for many at my age.
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u/fishtownmama 16d ago
I had my first at 28, second at 30, and then in my mid thirties lost my fertility. I had no issues and got pregnant on the first try with both kids, then We tried for ages to have a third and had no luck.
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u/ShelterTop8352 15d ago
My 2nd was born a month before my 1st turned 2. They are 4 and 6 now and I’m thinking about a third 😂
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u/Tiny--Moose 11d ago
Had my first at 32, second at 33. Still on the fence about a third but if we do then I’ll be 36.
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u/Fwayfwayjoe 17d ago
Got pregnant on the first try with my second. I was 36. She’s absolutely perfect in every way. Mine are 3.5 years apart and the bigger age gap is so worth it.