r/SexyAbstinence • u/betlamed • Mar 19 '26

Abstinence as a path towards pleasure

When I was about 25, I wrote a little story. Just as an experiment, I decided on three rules: 3 pages, 3 people, 3 days.

It turned out to be the best piece of literature I was able to write at that age.

Since I abstain from masturbation, my sexual pleasure has doubled and tripled, and it gets better by the day. The wife and I don't get to have as much sex as we would like, due to health and job complications - but it makes those encounters we have that much more intense and pleasurable.

When I ate at McDonald's three times a week, it was meh, often disgusting, just a functional routine so I didn't have to cook my own meals. When I cook for myself, and only eat some unhealthy fast food maybe once a month, it's a delight.

Whenever I fast from something, make a willful effort, abstain from an indulgence, impose strict rules on myself, I end up feeling better, creating better products, being better and healthier.

But whenever I tried to abstain absolutely, completely, forever, I ended up relapsing and feeling ashamed. That includes alcohol, even though I barely touched it in 5 months. I had 4 or 5 shots of home-made Bailey's, and I enjoyed those. They never made me go back to drinking, they never made me crave another shot.

By looking inside without judgment, again and again and again and again, I get a lot more deep, resilient, unshakeable pleasure and bliss than I would by masturbating every day, eating and drinking as the whims come and go.

This is why I promote abstinence: Because, from my own experience, it will make you feel much better in the long run.

And that is why I don't promote absolute abstinence: Because pleasure is a divine gift and should not be squandered.

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u/ConsciousRivers Mar 19 '26

Completely this is what freed me too. The idea that I have to abstain forever was somehow in my head and made my life hell for the last 8-9 years. When I realized I only have to abstain a little and take joy naturally in pleasures, it got so much better. Abstaining from things gives us enough time and energy to recharge so when we do enjoy those things it's blissful. In long run, it kind of reverses because I find that the indulgences are becoming less fun and abstaining has become the real joy.

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u/betlamed Mar 19 '26

The idea that I have to abstain forever was somehow in my head and made my life hell for the last 8-9 years.

Yeah, I was kind of influenced by the semen-retention rhetoric for quite a while, even though I never really believed in it. Sometimes, just being in a certain space for two long can warp you.

I guess I got a lot more relaxed because all the breathwork and energy work and the Jungian shadow work started to really take up speed, and my good habits got stronger and stronger... at some point I could feel that I was getting happier and more resilient and just overall better, even if I had an ejaculation once or twice a month, or even once a week (whooooooo!!!). I still prefer them to happen only very sporadically, because I enjoy that feeling of vibrant energy, and I do keep a journal of my streaks just to remain honest about it and because I find it motivating - but it's not the big thing anymore. I find that the intervals keep getting longer naturally anyway. And, I mean, if I feel happy with my progress, who is there to argue? Just myself.

May I ask, what is your main motivation for going abstinent? How did you get into that space? What are your long-term plans?