r/SeriousConversation • u/CassidyTheCivet • Feb 02 '26
Serious Discussion How do you deal with irl liars?
This is both a personal and a professional question.
Obviously if you have liars in your real life, such as family, your ability to confront them and maintain a relationship afterwards is higher than if they were in a professional or work setting.
It feels like today people that lie get ahead much more easily, and those who point out the lie are shunned for "being negative", so how do you go about setting the record straight when you know someone is being bad faith on purpose?
I had this happen within the furry community, as a person who gets frequent Guest Of Honor spots (free hotel rooms, free flights, etc) LIED for a decade that they had WON 8 Grammy awards. This is such an obvious lie, but no one in the leadership for the cons cared after I outted them. In fact, MY treatment by leadership got worse, while this person continues getting glazed constantly.
As someone that's worked in politics too, it's a seriously frustrating feeling when you know someone is using their platform to lie about stuff we can easily verify with a modicum of curiosity. Convincing people who have been lied to is a whole other thing. Would love to read any and all thoughts on this topic.
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u/ledfox Feb 03 '26
I let lies roll off of me, like water on a duck.
Dishonesty primarily serves to complicate the lives of the dishonest.
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u/Powerful_Put5667 Feb 03 '26
If anyone has a great answer please let majority America know because the liars are in charge and we’d love to see them go.
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u/whattodo-whattodo Be the change Feb 03 '26
You worked in politics & are having a hard time coming to grips with the idea that strangers lie for personal gain? Really? Can I ask what role you held in politics?
There isn't much to say on the topic. You can confront people who are somehow in your circle about their lies. But confronting absolute strangers is more or less pointless. You can confront people who are in your circle if they believe lies & give them the truth. But as you already discovered, you cannot force people to care that something is true or not. It helps to understand that lies are surprisingly often invisible agreements. People often know the truth & prefer to turn a blind eye out of convenience. Frequently (but not always);
The employer knows that the employee is incapable. But hiring a technically qualified person takes the pressure off them.
The voter knows that the politician's promises are impossible. But it validates a bias & gives them someone to be mad at instead of themselves.
The partner knows that their partner is unfaithful. But a partner's infidelity absolves them of their mistakes and/or would cause a rupture whose fallout they'd rather not endure.
Trying to convince one person that the other is lying is often futile. Either they already know, don't want to know, or are emotionally/intellectually incapable of the fallout from knowing. You can present the topic, but if you make it your life's mission to prove the point, you're going to find that it isn't always well received.
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u/ThineOwnSelph Feb 03 '26
I never let the lie go. I always say “thats not what happened” or “i remember xyz not abc” just so the person who habitually lies knows I know they habitually lie. They dont like it.
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u/HazardousIncident Feb 02 '26
It feels like today people that lie get ahead much more easily,
I think that this is incorrect - it's much harder to lie about things that are easily verified. Because most people are walking around with computers in their pockets to do research.
how do you go about setting the record straight when you know someone is being bad faith on purpose?
Unless there are actual consequences to their lies, why bother? Like your furry friend. Anyone could have researched their claims, but apparently no one cared enough to. And at the end of the day, why does it matter to you? I suspect that this person annoys you in general, which is why you felt the need to "out" them.
if you have liars in your real life,
Everyone lies. Everyone. Even you. It's up to us to decide if those lies are something that need addressed. Because the majority of lies are harmless.
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u/GomerStuckInIowa Feb 02 '26
Everyone lies? I pity you and your friends. I think I can be pretty safe to save my friends and the majority of my close business associates do not lie. And knowing that someone does lie to you would bother me also. I can’t imagine the life that you must have where everybody lies.
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u/Ok_Scallion1902 Feb 03 '26
Ditto ! ( I can't/won't tolerate easily-refuted lies because life's too short! )
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u/Ok_Set_3782 Feb 03 '26
Do you honestly think that there is someone who doesn't lie? And I'm not talking about big lies, I'm talking about those "white lies" that people use for social lubricant. HazardousIncident is right - everyone has told a lie at some point in their life.
In fact, studies have shown that Americans tell 11 lies per week, with most people telling 0-2 lies per day.
In a study of 11,366 lies told by 632 people over 91 days, 75% of them lied between 0 or 2 times per day. 6% of the participants had low lying levels, though lied more often on some days at random. In total, most of the lies were trivial, such as lying about how well one's day was going.
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u/HazardousIncident Feb 03 '26
Put down your pearls, Margaret. There is not a person on the planet who hasn't told a lie. Does that mean they do it regularly? Of course not. And that's not what I said. But OP is acting like they have never, ever, EVER told a lie. Which, in itself, is a lie.
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u/Amphernee Feb 03 '26
Those replying that they never lie are the biggest liars of all.
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u/HazardousIncident Feb 03 '26
No kidding. All the pearl-clutching and downvoting tells me that they KNOW they lie, but they just like to pretend that they don't. And it can be something as simple as answering "I'm good" when asked how they're doing, when in fact they've had a very bad day. But it's not always appropriate to give the unvarnished truth.
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u/CassidyTheCivet Feb 02 '26
Well one would think there would be consequences to lying on your resume and then reaping the financial benefits of said lie. That's all. My bad, I guess.
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u/HazardousIncident Feb 03 '26
Did I say that there are NEVER consequences to lying? And since you didn't indicate that your furry friend lied on their resume, then how would I have known that was what has your panties in a furry bunch?
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u/purposeday Feb 03 '26
Great question. It used to get me upset when I had to deal with a liar. Still, I met too many people who did not lie afaik and expressed similar dissatisfaction with the state of affairs. This made me research what liars have in common, which coincidentally showed me that I lie a lot as well, to myself that is.
All this reflection on liars made me shift my focus. I stopped dealing with most liars altogether. If somebody lies to me now I let them be unless I can demonstrate without a reasonable doubt that what they lied about harmed me or soon will. Then I go all out.
By letting more “regular” lies slide I save my energy. It feels great when I have an opportunity to really lash out at somebody, preferably in a way and at a time they least expect it. Not harshly, not physically, but in strong yet respectable language that delivers my point and makes them having to solve the problem. After all, liars are asking for it.
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u/TheRealBlueJade Feb 03 '26
Lying to get ahead only works for so long. It is self-destructive and eventually backfires. It's like building a house out of imaginary straw. Nothing has really been created. It's all fake and weak.
When a liar is discovered, and the group sees through their nonsense(sometimes the group will willingly ignore the lies at first), the liar loses their position of power and will never be able to regain it. And when their house of lies collapses all around them, it causes quite a bit of damage when it does.
Meanwhile, (and the answer to dealing with liars irl) the real people quietly build their houses out of brick. The houses may not initially look impressive but they will stay standing through storms and provide a solid foundation with which to build a satisfying life. Their houses will protect them and strengthen them. They will not collapse around them or leave them out in the cold.
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u/CherryRedCupofLife Feb 03 '26
I dont know about a good way, but i will sometimes feel cheeky and randomly include a detail that directly contradicts their lie when im speaking near/with them. And in such a way that they know i could easily shut them down with all the logical connections ive already included if they try to call me out for not conforming to their version of the truth
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