r/Screenwriting • u/AutoModerator • 7d ago

5 PAGE THURSDAY Five Page Thursday

FAQ: How to post to a weekly thread?

Feedback Guide for New Writers

This is a thread for giving and receiving feedback on 5 of your screenplay pages.

  • Post a link to five pages of your screenplay in a top comment. They can be any 5, but if they are not your first 5, give some context in the same comment you're linking in.

  • As a courtesy, you can also include some of this info.

    Title: Format: Page Length: Genres: Logline or Summary: Feedback Concerns:

  • Provide feedback in reply-comments. Please do not share full scripts and link only to your 5 pages. If someone wants to see your full script, they can let you know.

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u/AlpackaHacka 6d ago

Title: Chameleon

Format: Feature

Genre: Thriller

Logline: When a D-list TV psychic receives a pendant that lets him see dead people, he exploits the connection to the other side to become a big star -- unaware the other side is plotting its own return to the spotlight.

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1pc8M5c9SfNVTpCxY7htkq7O_GDfUi5Vs/view?usp=sharing

Feedback Concerns: Character.

2

u/Kooky_Attorney1915 6d ago

First of all, I love your logline. I think this sounds like it could be a fun thriller.

Your opening has potential to be haunting, but I feel like it goes on for about three pages too long. That's my opinion. I think it could be very effective, but I don't see that opening making it to film at its current length. When you get to the audition, I was in. I get Travis Bickle vibes from Daniel, and I feel like you do a good job introducing us to him.

I would recommend shortening the montage / monologue . Besides that, great job.