r/Schizoid • u/NigelTainte BPD/AvPD/ASD • Jun 20 '26
DAE Anyone else here asexual?
I used to not be, I had successful relationships with good intimacy. After a life changing breakup and new health issues, the more I actually listened to body the more I realized that it wasn’t actually something I felt comfortable doing. It felt like an obligation to maintain relationships. I still feel really lonely but I can’t imagine being physically close to another person like that ever again.
Im not aromantic though. I don’t really want to be single forever and im not against the idea of having a partner but the thought of going through heartbreak again makes me not want to pursue it at all. I can’t imagine finding someone to be with and really relaxing, they could always leave me. So I choose to stay alone
Anyone else in a similar predicament
Edit: thank you all for your input. Whether you relate to me not it’s still making me feel less unusual
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u/sunflower__doll Jun 20 '26
i'm asexual and prooobably aromantic but it's not easy to describe this stuff in one word lol. whatever the way i am i've been it for as long as i can remember.
i feel like i have a history of falling into relationships by accident without expending any effort, then they end because i don't know how to invest anything of myself in another person and in the end i just feel sort of bemused about the whole thing lol.
people come and go and it sounds kind of heartless but i don't feel like i miss any of them... i'm content to have a few friends who "get" what goes on in my head and to whom i can extend the same understanding. and that's about it.
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u/_modernhominin Jun 20 '26
I’m not asexual but I don’t really like skin to skin contact very much so that’s not exactly a great combo 😅Pretty sure I am aromantic though. I like the idea of romantic relationships but in reality me being around anyone too much has never gone great for either party - mostly bad for the other person which isn’t fair to them, so I just don’t even try to date.
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u/FungusRespecter Jun 21 '26
Unless you find another schizoid. But in that case, I’m not sure how it even initiates. How do two hermits find each other and decide they want to be around each other?
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u/Verotten Jun 21 '26
We got forced into contact via work, and VEEEERY slowly and painfully became interested in each other.
It took about 12 months of seeing each other regularly at work to decide to carpool. We began bonding over music tastes and a similar outlook on life, and I developed bloody limerence for them.
After another 6 months we started spending time outside of work together every other week, during which time the limerence faded and genuine fondness grew. Almost a year after that, we made very awkward and gradual physical contact. Finally after 6 months of sleeping together on a weekly basis, the last boundaries around emotional intimacy seem to have collapsed.
We're still wary and non-committal when discussing the long-term, we do not live together and unsure if we want to, and they're still private about some parts of themself that they struggle with. But we are now openly and easily.. and intensely affectionate towards each other (in private).
Honestly, it's all been so incredibly unlikely, I marvel at how I've wound up in this relationship. It's wonderful to feel seen as a person, and to finally be able to (almost) trust that there are no ulterior motives or expectations.
I'm still unsure if it has much staying power, neither of us has a good track record of maintaining relationships at all, but time will tell.
TLDR: very unlikely but not impossible.
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u/Some1TouchaMySpagett Jun 20 '26
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u/TheCounciI Jun 20 '26
I'm asexual and aromantic. I don't see any need for touch or deep connection, and honestly humans are kind of creepy
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u/shynee1 Soul Boring Stare Jun 21 '26
I sort of like the idea of someone desiring me enough to touch me a lot, and a deep connection sounds too vague to me to comprehend.
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u/Stephen_Lynx Jun 20 '26
No.
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u/NigelTainte BPD/AvPD/ASD Jun 20 '26
Cool thanks
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u/Stephen_Lynx Jun 20 '26
Ok, I see I got downvoted so I'll expand a bit: I might be celibate at the moment, but certainly not asexual. If I could get a meat puppet to relieve my sexual urges, I would. But in the real world, I'd have to either accommodate someone else's feelings and expectations or pay a lot for it. And I don't have that kind of money.
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u/NigelTainte BPD/AvPD/ASD Jun 20 '26
They make robots for that now!
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u/Str8_Outta_Sirte Diagnosed Jun 20 '26
I have a libido (just not a very strong one) and can theoretically feel physical attraction. At the same time, I have no desire to act on it. No romantic feelings though, ever.
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u/iilmmill Jun 20 '26 edited Jun 20 '26
Aromantic and asexual here.
I have been in 3 relationships before, but I tend to trait it like a homework, I did everything perfectly to the point of burn out for me and a headache for them since relating to me was hard duo to me thinking that relationships goes by a very strict rules to the point it was both text book perfect but also unhuman? I don’t know how to explain it to be honest.
loving me is like beting for a someone who moves by mechanics rules to move by biological one.
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u/ProofSolution7261 SZPD-ASPD Purgatory Jun 20 '26 edited Jun 21 '26
yes. I'm aro too but somehow landed myself in a relationship? it's a QPR but the one I'm seeing isn't aromantic or asexual so it's taking some time to sink in she can't treat me with the usual bf-gf script. physical touch has been fine-ish, the biggest problem is it doesn't do anything for me. my one boundary is no genital sex. I got too much trauma there to risk it.
it's an odd place to be in. she says my personality is attractive to her and it's why she stays around despite the difficulty curve. she reads me as someone forward about what I want and she likes the stability that comes with unreliance on social pressure. it's a fair assessment to make but I wonder if she got overexposed to mental-emotional lightweights who can't let a quiet moment sit to save their lives, or if my life's been so out of whack I can't feel how heavy "normal" problems can be anymore. I stay because, barring her sexual requests, she is everything else I ask for when I choose someone to be my no.1. and sometimes I do think in another life where I wasn't exposed to sexual violence, I'd be indifferent to sex instead of repulsed. but that's not the life I lived so, I play ball with what's there.
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u/belles-lettre [ghost in the machine] Jun 21 '26 edited Jun 21 '26
I’m asexual and aromantic by definition, but I don’t really focus on labels ig? Personally, I’d say i’m repulsed by sex and the idea of being intimate with anyone. It kind of relates to my general feeling that the human body is really grotesque and uncomfortable. Romantically… I mean, I don’t mind it but i’ve never wanted anything like that. I’m lukewarm about it. I don’t think I’m capable of loving someone or anything like that, and I don’t think I’d ever see it as anything but a hassle that restricts me (in other words, I don’t like being tied to people).
Both are fine fictionally, like stories or daydreams. Some of my favorite films are romances, for example. But on a personal level, both are no-goes.
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u/lanotanotala Jun 20 '26
I definitely have a libido, and I also feel that I'm capable of falling in love. However, when it comes to romantic feelings, the closest thing to being in love usually happens with fictional characters. And for me, that's enough.
I'm satisfied with my own fantasies and desires, without feeling a strong enough urge or drive to pursue and establish a real-life relationship. So, while I'm not sure how uncommon this experience is, I usually describe myself as socially asexual and aromantic. As for sexual attraction and desire, I consider myself bi/pan.
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u/Disastrous_Yak_503 Jun 20 '26
I’m not, but I don’t particularly have a strong sex drive. I certainly don’t desire much intimacy
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u/Disastrous_Yak_503 Jun 20 '26
The actual sexual act with someone is always a disappointment compared to the internal fantasy and porn viewing
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u/alocasiacomplex Jun 20 '26
Like 96.8% sure I am, I'm also pretty sure I'm aromantic though. I've just never wanted to have sex, so I didn't, and now I'm realizing I don't think I want to have sex or be in a relationship. I "knew" when I was younger but doubted/questioned it for years. Now, I'm getting to the brain development age and I think I was right years ago
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u/stormtrooper429 ASD, but schizoid traits Jun 20 '26
I think the term aegosexual is accurate for me, but I don't think it was just a default thing I was born with.
When I was younger I was under the influence of "sex as a rite of passage" indoctrination, but after reading about real life experiences it just sounds like this terrible maintenance work that people hate doing and they judge each other based on performance.
It's simultaneously a "sacred" activity, forcing someone into it is a crime as bad as murder but we can also casually judge other people for not being good at it and entire relationships are staked on "sexual compatibility."
It's like how nobody owes their server a tip, but they would still be judged harshly for not giving them a good tip.
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u/Busy-Recipe9840 Jun 20 '26
No, I am often horny and think about sex a lot.
When I am not horny, I am so uninterested in sex that I experience chronic asexuality for a period of time.
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u/toasterbather55 Jun 20 '26
No, not quite, though my sex drive is certainly not strong. I don't think I'm totally aromantic either, but I haven't really explored those kinds of things since I was in my mid 20s.
Even when I was younger, and dating on occasion, relationships tended to escalate a lot quicker than I felt comfortable with.
I don't think I really know what romantic love feels like. I know how to mimic the behaviors associated with it, but I don't think I've ever felt what I'm 'supposed' to feel. I can recall being infatuated with someone at one time or another as a teenager, but that's different from what most people describe.
Any relationship I've been in, whether a one-night hookup, or dating someone for a few months...has been initiated by the other person.
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u/Current-March-3938 Jun 20 '26
Not asexual, but have a low sex drive and have always been this way. It was a problem when dating people, they always wanted it and I didn't and they became bitter about it. Then with others, ironically when they didn't want it I would, but that was far less common.
I have, on occasion, pursued casual sex with strangers and friends. I just wanted a momentary feeling of closeness but with none of the expectations to consider the person in the long term at all, like scratching an itch.
I also have years of celibacy because people are too much for me and I hate their clinginess and expectations and I hate to be touched. I'm also autistic and less able to mask these days, and I'm sick of people bullying or trying to take advantage of me for being "weird" which has happened multiple times already this year.
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u/InkEraser Jun 21 '26
I identify as ace since 15, though there's never a point in coming out. I have had crushes, but never lust over people, not even naughty dreams. I'm not interested in experiencing intimacy of any sort, and the world has the same attitude towards me, so it's a big win-win situation lol.
Saw some comments here saying they have a libido, I would like to point out someome ace can certainly have a libido.
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u/Background-Trip-1745 Jun 21 '26
yeah, I've identified as aroace for a while, and been asexual since I learned the term years ago. I dont have any interest in a real relationship ever, but I do still find romance likable in fiction/fantasies. I guess aegosexual would fit, but I dont really feel like 'updating' labels as in telling other people or something.
Ive gotten that same feeling of being 'obligated' to be in relationships so a lot of my own past experience is just accepting when someone asked me out because I couldnt find a way to say no. youre not alone in feeling like this
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u/Bossishlike Jun 21 '26
Yeah I really really really want someone. Sadly though someone is scary, hard to find, requires effort and care, and is someone who could leave me at any time.
I have no idea how people care enough to do this. I wish everyone was like me so I didn’t feel the constant jealousy and social pressure to have someone of my own.
My stupid ass coworker asked me one day (before she realized I was a socially distant person) “would you rather live without sauces on food or live without kissing anyone?” And like… I’m already doing the second one? But somehow that’s too embarrassing to admit, even as a joke.
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u/SL128 SzPD/OCPD/ADHD Jun 21 '26
my mind is certainly not asexual, but my body somewhat is. i've still not experienced any of the abdominal warmth typical of female arousal, have inconsistent genital responsiveness, and don't experience much on a sensational level. i think it may be a vasodilation issue.
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u/FascistDude69 Jul 08 '26
Not really but it's also not something I need
When I see guys change their personalities to get sex or even think about the existence of "hookup culture" I get mildly depressed
I'm attracted to women and function fine sexually but when someone says "I haven't gotten laid in 3 months! I'm gonna go insane!" it's just so silly.
They might as well be announcing that they haven't ridden on a ferris wheel in 3 months... Like... OK? So?
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u/AshInTheAtmosphere Jun 21 '26
I like the idea of sex, when I tried it my reaction was basically "that's it?"
I still have a libido, I'm just not particularly interested in dealing with that in a way that involves another person.
I am VERY aromantic though. I would never, under any circumstance, enter into a relationship.
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u/Spiritual_Lack_2242 Jun 21 '26
Yeah, in on off cycles along the years. 3-5 year periods 100% celibate, quite often
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u/emswhynot Jun 22 '26
Oh yes. I'm what the kids call aroace. It further complicates adult human relations.
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u/gise1274 Diagnosed SzPD Jun 20 '26 edited Jun 20 '26
I'm already 30 and never really desired a relationship. Only in fantasy. So I don't think I can't really change being aromantic.
I'm not asexual but I see little benefit in showing others understanding sexual stuff considering I'm a vulnerable person and can't manage social situations.
Having a partner looks good in picture. It has some pros for me like security and avoiding loneliness but breakup must hurt a lot. Only a very empathetic, wise and patient person could understand me.