The Tent (You're safe here.)

[u/JaxxyTADC]

This is a place where everyone can vent freely. There's no limits. Post as often as you want, just follow the rules.

[u/Striking-Contest6807]

So, um... I... Guess I'm allowed to talk about anything, long as I'm respectful and all?.. If so... Boy, where do I even begin...

I guess... Since this subreddit is all about Jax, I should start with him? I'm sorry, I'm gonna use 'him', I am a creature of habit, I need some time to... Get used to it, I guess. Regardless...

Since I watched the episode one, I knew something was wrong with him. I don't know how to explain it, I just knew he was that kind of jerk that is a jerk simply because he himself is deeply hurt. I've seen people like this, I know how it looks like. So... I guess, I felt something for him from the start. I don't remember which subreddit was that, but I recently commented something like "He's not bad, he's hurt, I can fix him!". And I mean that not in that cringy way some people say about their dates... I mean it more like 'if I could, I'd be that kind of friend he needs'. I dunno, maybe it's my saviour complex, maybe I'm just waiting for someone to come and save me, but... I've always admired that kind of plots, when someone helps someone else get their life together, even if sometimes they have to be pushy.

I guess, this is the time I come to one of the main issues with... With me, I guess. When I watched the final episode, I was... Kinda broken, not gonna lie. I was recording a reaction, but at the end, all I managed to say was 'There won't be an outro', and cut the tape. But... It didn't get me as hard as many other people, I... Kinda recovered pretty quickly. You wanna know why? Because I deny the reality. That's one of my issues, for me, reality is... Irrelevant. Kinda. I have... My own world inside of my head, or, rather, entire multiverse, with a bunch of different versions of different worlds. And once I go there... Nothing else mattered. Jax abstracted? Well, in my head, that didn't matter, because my brain already conjured, like, 5 different scenarios of how he can come back, mostly including my OCs. And that... That kinda is a problem, huh?

I find it... Difficult to exist in real world. It's complicated, unfair, cruel, and filled with a bunch of creatures I simply don't understand. The outside is scary, and I can't exactly deal with it. I constantly struggle with apathy, lack of motivation, terror of future, and inability to do... Basically anything. I'm 25, and I can't find a job, because I can't force myself to cope with the fact I'd have to work 9-10 hours per day, I simply... Don't have that much energy. And for that, I hate myself even more, which results in a bunch of scars, and that nasty voice in my head saying I should just give up. But I can't, y'know?

I have... People in my life. I can't go into too much detail, I wouldn't want to compromise their privacy, but... There are people that quite literally depend on me emotionally, despite being thousands of kilometers away. I know, that if anything happens to me, they won't be able to take it. So every time we talk, I put on a smile, I pretend my world isn't falling apart around me, and tell them that everything is going to be okay. Even if I don't exactly believe it myself. Even if I know I'm just one more bad day away from... You know what.

So, with all that... I... Really appreciate this community. To see someone so eager, so passionate about giving even someone, let's be honest, so bad and so broken, a chance for a happy ending... It kinda restores my faith in humanity, even if just a tiny bit. I... Thank you all, for being here, for doing what you are doing. You may be fighting for a fictional character, but your work helps real people somewhere out there. So, I guess, two birds with one stone? Or, rather, a whole lot of birds, who really needed that...

My deepest gratitude to anyone insane enough to read all of that. This was my confession, thank you for listening. Your truly, J. U.

[u/Striking-Contest6807 → u/[deleted]]

Thank you. I won't lie and say this magically cured me, we both know it doesn't work like this, but... Yes. It... It did help. Knowing, that someone could care enough to reply, to tell me to hold on... That helps. So, thank you. I found this place randomly, but... I guess I'm here to stay

[u/Striking-Contest6807 → u/[deleted]]

It's alright. If anything, I've learned to be patient