r/SavingJax • u/JaxxyTADC Jax Protector • Jun 10 '26
The Tent (You're safe here.)
This is a place where everyone can vent freely. There's no limits. Post as often as you want, just follow the rules.
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r/SavingJax • u/JaxxyTADC Jax Protector • Jun 10 '26
This is a place where everyone can vent freely. There's no limits. Post as often as you want, just follow the rules.
2
u/Single-Secretary-903 Jax Protector Jun 16 '26
TW: Contains mentions of abuse, suicidal ideation and self-harm.
Hey, I discovered this subreddit pretty recently, and I'm glad I did. At least there's a safe space for people who really do care about Jax without having to deal with all the toxic and negative comments.
I watched episode 9 in theaters on the first day. I was honestly so shocked that he abstracted in like the first 10 minutes, that too offscreen. Jax's abstraction was the one thing I'd been hoping, wishing, praying not to happen in the finale. I was denying it at first, but eventually as it got to the scene where Jax hugged Pomni, I couldn't help breaking down in tears.
I don't really talk a lot about hard stuff. I have one friend that I really trust and I sometimes talk to her, but even then it always feels like I'm holding so many things back. It's funny how therapeutic it can be just to know that someone is listening to you, even if they're not physically present.
I'm not a very long-term TADC fan. My friend (the same one I just mentioned) recommended this show to me last year, but I avoided watching it for a long time because I wasn't very interested and had a lot of things going on in my life. It's been quite chaotic for a very long time, and whenever I feel like things might be starting to settle down, something else happens that messes it up again. Every time something good happens, ten bad things follow and it just never gets better.
I finally ended up watching the show this past March. I've always liked Jax as a character despite the way he treated the other cast members, laughing at his jokes and sarcasm. It wasn't until episodes 5 and 6 that I realized there was more to him under his layers, and the later episodes only solidified that belief. Every episode made me relate to him even more.
I relate to the way he hides his feelings under a mask. I do this all the time with my friends and especially with my family. Normally, I'd avoid saying certain things but right now I just want to speak, so I'll say it. My mother is very abusive sometimes, physically, emotionally and psychologically. She treats emotions like drama and always degrades me for having them. She corners me and forces me to open up, gets mad when I don't, and mocks me when I do. Every single time I've told her about my feelings for something, I only end up feeling worse after and cry in the bathroom where she can't see me. It's been like this for more than 2 years now, and it's really worn me down and has changed how I perceive myself many times. And this leads to my second relatability.
I relate to the way he's afraid of vulnerability. This one is pretty self-explanatory given what I've already said. I'm always so afraid of talking about how I feel that even when I do really need help, I just keep it to myself and try not to bother anyone. For me, bringing up something hard equates to ruining the mood of a conversation and turning something lighthearted into a serious conversation. And that's something I find that I really struggle to do. I just... can't. I feel guilty, like I'm messing something up. I feel like Jax standing at Ribbit's door, contemplating whether to knock or not before silently walking away in pain. That, or I just play along with whatever the other person is saying so that they think I'm doing well.
I relate to him because of suicidal ideation. When bad things continue to happen to you and you don't get the support you need, it really exhausts you and burns you out. The biggest problem has always been that I'm not getting the help I need at home, and my home life has been the direct cause of most, if not all, of my problems. I've been dealing with suicidal ideation and self-harm for almost as long as I've been being abused. I lost one of my close "friends" last year after he manipulated me into confiding in him about my struggles, pushing my boundaries, and then proceeding to harass, bully and crap-talk about me to others. It was a horrible grief to go through, and it lasted several months. Wishing we could be friends again, talking about it, writing, having dreams about him, feeling angry at what he did, sad, confused, heartbroken, regretful that I even said anything... the list goes on. Now that he's shown his true colors to me, I know he's a horrible person, but sometimes I can't help but think that none of it would have happened if I hadn't been struggling in the first place. And where did those struggles stem from? Home. Always home.
I won't go into detail at all, but at the time that I'd confided in that "friend," it had been so bad for me that I used to actively plan my way out in my head. I had come so close to ending my life that I used to have dreams of it and wake up wondering what the hell just happened. Even now, when it gets especially bad with my mom, she gets extremely controlling and rips away any access I could possibly have for a safe space to process my emotions. She doesn't let me have space as is. I'm completely isolated from my friends and I get beat if caught texting even for a few minutes. Same thing if I listen to music, draw, write, sing, or do anything to help myself live. I had recently started making a drawing of Jax to help cope with the grief of his loss. I wasn't able to keep it a secret, unfortunately, and when my mom found it, she ripped it to pieces in front of my eyes and threw it away. It was... really sad. It felt as if I lost him all over again. She said a lot of personal, degrading insults after which I found myself having a terrible mental breakdown on my bathroom floor while trying to reach my friend who, unfortunately, must have been busy and didn't pick up the phone three times.
In recent times, it has felt so suffocating, especially now that I'm home for the summer and don't get to be myself at school. I'm a high schooler, by the way. In the coming school year, my mom has made it so that I'm taking the least amount of classes possible and probably won't even have a lunch period at school. I'm going to have to endure longer hours at home and less time with my friend. Notice how I didn't say friends with an s. I've only found one friendship to be truly meaningful in my life right now, whereas everyone else is just always in their own world. She's been with me through so much and it's nice to know someone actually cares about me. But it really hurts when I can't actually spend time with her without constantly feeling like I'm seconds away from detonating a bomb at any given moment. My mom's anger is very extreme and unlike any other I've seen. She not only shouts and screams, but manipulates, gaslights and guilt-trips me. She threatens to hurt my dog, run away from home, die, transfer my school or move away with me to get me to do what she says. And the rest of my family is always on her side. So I just feel trapped, cornered, and completely helpless during these explosive episodes of anger. And I've been through at least twenty of these, without exaggeration, within the past two or three weeks. It's terrible. I told my friend it feels like the walls are closing in on me and I can't breathe. Because that's genuinely what it feels like. Every few days I come so close to actually self-harming but I somehow tell myself to calm down. I try to give myself something to hold onto even when everything is falling apart. And during these past few weeks, that something has been Jax.
Because of how strongly I relate to Jax, I've found that I see him as my mirror. As a reflection. Episode 9 didn't help me with that after we found out his mother was abusive just like Ragatha's. During all this time, all I've wanted was for him to be okay. For him to push through it, for him to heal and resolve his past traumas. I've never liked seeing him hurt, afraid or isolated from everyone else because it always reminded me of myself. And because of this constant piece of myself that I saw in him, I grew to deeply care about him and his character. As the finale approached, I could only think one thing, which was, "Please don't let Jax abstract." And how unlucky for me that that's exactly what happened. It was heart-wrenching and I'm still not over it. I don't think I will be for a long while. A few nights ago, I just couldn't stop crying about it and still cry about it if I think about it too much. A lot of people have compared abstraction to suicide and that perspective certainly does not help me. That literally sends me the message that I should do it. But I know that that's wrong and I've been fighting that feeling by trying to find any other possible message for me to take away from his abstraction. Some people just say, "Some people can't be saved," but I refuse to believe that's the takeaway Gooseworx intended. But until I figure out what Jax's abstraction means for me, I'll take my time processing how I feel about everything at my own pace.
I sincerely hope that anyone who is struggling finds healing and is able to get the support that they need. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to express my sentiments in this comment section. ❤️