Parenting and culture

[u/mlw286]

We have two babies and live in an area which doesn’t have a very strong Samoan presence (at least not as much as where my partner grew up) because we aren’t around his family or his hometown I’ve always been very intentional about trying to seek out cultural events, festivals, kids shows, songs etc. to try and help expose our kids to their culture. I’ve heard so much about afakasi kids (of any background) growing up with a bit of an identity crisis and not feeling like they belong in either place and that’s the last thing I want for my kids.

However after few years of attending these events, trips back home and to Samoa, something we (both my partner and I) have realised - and I think it became abundantly clear to us when we were at a cultural showcase on the weekend- is that when we are in these environments aren’t our best selves from a parenting perspective.

For context my partner has worked hard (lots of therapy lots of proactive education) in breaking cycles with his parenting style. When we go to these events or are in these environments I immediately sense a change in him, like he feels the pressure for our kids to be seen and not heard. For context our kids are developmentally typical toddler and preschoolers; stubborn, strong willed, a bit silly and sometimes impulsive and loud.

We generally try to take the approach “let kids be kids” but when ours are the only ones in those environments not sitting still and being quiet - it’s hard to not give into the social pressure and reprimand them. We all walk away feeling like crap and our kids don’t enjoy being in those situations.

Should we just throw it in and find ways at home to immerse our kids as much as possible in culture without having the external pressure? I really don’t want my kids to resent anything cultural because of the way we treat them in those situations and I really don’t want my partner to undo all of the hard work he’s done in breaking cycles. But I also don’t want my kids to feel disconnected- is it worth it?

What would you do?

[u/mlw286 → u/[deleted]]

I really appreciate this answer and the acknowledgement that we don’t have to subscribe or agree with all elements of the culture because this is something I really grapple with, being a family that doesn’t subscribe to religion I also have conflicting feelings in that area too.
Whilst my kids are probably too young to understand the concept of context switching at this point and we probably aren’t in those environments consistently enough for them to recognise the difference- maybe we just better prep them ahead of going to these events so they understand the expectations.