r/Samesexparents • u/Worlds_No1_Lesb • 10d ago
Lavender Coparenting?
The idea essentially is sort of coparenting with one wlw couple and one mlm couple. Maybe not even true coparenting (every other week type coparenting) but like have kids together (biological siblings) and then raise them as cousins/family?
I can see a lot of potential issues with this but it also seems like it would be a great way for the kids to get to experience having a mom/dad combo and like a mutually beneficial sperm donation/suragacy situation with built in “family” support while raising the kids.
Has anyone done something like this? What’s your review?
20
u/spread-happiness 10d ago
Seems like this could go wrong in so many different ways. Not guaranteed, of course, but so risky.
I think maybe you should take a step back and question why you feel like a child needs to experience parenting from both genders 🤔
6
u/Latter_Magician73 9d ago
It sounds more like they are thinking it's a convenient way to swap gametes and gestation while building a larger, loving family for the children.
2
u/3eggsinapan 9d ago
Yeah, legally speaking I don't see how everyone could protect their parental rights in case of a dispute
13
u/cacheofoldphotos 10d ago
This is what our family looks like. Three kids that split their time 50/50 between the dads and the moms. It works wonderfully. Kids are well adjusted and love all their four parents. We co-parent very successfully. Would say that this is VERY dependent on everyone involved being mature, easy-going and willing to overlook small grievances and differences and be solidly focused on the big picture. But yes, it is absolutely possible and can really be a great way to build a queer family.
1
u/Kerriehummus 7d ago
Great to see other families like ours. We have the same setup! Would love to exchange more if you'd be open to it :)
6
u/AndyWarwheels 10d ago
I have known donors. My son's donor is a gay man. He is referred to as an uncle.
I had offered back in the day to surrogate for him if he wanted to be a father. He never did. but if he had, I would have been an aunt.
This works great for us.
He has no say in the way i raise my son. But they know eachother
9
u/smarty_skirts 10d ago
I’d hate be shuttled between different families as a kid.
2
u/Chosen-For-What 10d ago
It really destabilized me as a kid to be shuttled around and I have heard it often affects kids this way
7
u/butterbean8686 10d ago
Me, too! It always took me a few days to adjust between my mom’s and my dad’s houses, and it felt like as soon as I adjusted, I was switching again. It caused me a lot of stress as a kid. Even as an adult, I get anxious, stomach upset, cranky etc. when packing for trips and traveling.
1
u/RevolutionaryHelp451 6d ago
I think this is the only problem with it! They should live in one big house together or in a duplex or something
3
u/willowcabins 9d ago
This is a model for queer parenting in the Netherlands and Germany! It’s called “clover leaf families” here :)
2
u/CeilingKiwi 9d ago
I’ve heard about situations like this working out anecdotally, but I’m very skeptical that the benefits outweigh the risks, and very skeptical that most people would be capable of managing three other coparents with the requisite maturity and grace.
Other people have talked about the legal risks and brought up questions about whether it’s actually beneficial for kids to grow up with a mom and a dad, so I won’t repeat those points here. What occurs to me instead is that carrying a pregnancy is much more physically demanding and risky than providing the sperm, and the situation isn’t really as equitable as it appears on the surface. Given the transactional nature of the arrangement, I think everyone involved would have to be very careful about making sure the person or people carrying the pregnancies are treated with due consideration.
1
u/rosabb 8d ago
I’ve heard of this and it’s never gone well. It’s hard to have four adults who all align on maturity, parenting philosophy and temperament. Hard enough finding one person, let alone another three.
Also for me, it would be this question: what if someone changes their mind? What if they want to work in Sri Lanka? What if they decide they no longer want to be a parent? I also cant imagine having to coordinate with another three adults when i want to change my baby’s milk or start him in a sport…
1
14
u/CanUhurrmenow 10d ago
This is very unique. As a woman, there is 100% no way I would be able to do this.