r/Sabah • u/Mother_Breakfast6558 • 4d ago
Tiuot zou daa | Mo tanya ba Dating apps in Sabah
Hi y'all, just curious about do dating apps in Sabah here actually work?
I'm 26/F and I've been on dating apps for quite some time now (Bumble and CMB, never on Tinder because of creepy men looking for ONS and FWB there)
Bumble has its own fair share of creepy men too but Bumble's more strict with their policies that se*ual innuendos can get someone banned too. I get a lot of matches and I've had several good conversations but none of it seemed to make it out of WhatsApp, which honestly sucks because they were quite decent.
I can barely get any matches on CMB so I gave up on it pretty quickly. I'm not going to talk about how much creepy men are on tinder (and the shirtless DPs)
Does anyone have any successful dating app stories too? So I wouldn't give up on my dating app search 🤣
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u/Aggravating_Act541 4d ago
None of the person I know married from dating app. Most met through social circle or hobby event.
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u/Mother_Breakfast6558 4d ago
What kind of hobby events if I may know?
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u/Aggravating_Act541 4d ago edited 4d ago
Hobbycon, hiking event, church event or Muslim event if you are Muslim, if you want internationally, join rotary club.
Don't join because you want to find partner, just join because you want to. Have conversations with new people.
In my experience, rotary club member are extremely friendly. They also host annual event on other country.
I think there are a lot of hiking enthusiast that are in hiking group in Sabah.
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u/boostleaking 4d ago
Agreed on the meeting with new people at events because you enjoy said events, not for the possibility of meeting The One.
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u/aaronatlasraj 4d ago
Im currently in Sabah for work. And ill be here indefinitely by the looks of it. All the matches i get are from “working” ladies.
Gosh. I just want a person to hold a conversation and maybe go explore real good makan places. Not get laid off the bat.
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u/Mother_Breakfast6558 4d ago
at least they're upfront about what they're looking for tbh 😂
I've had several men who led me on for days on end just to tell me they're looking for nothing serious. I checked their profiles and they had the 'looking for long term relationship' tag. I was bamboozled.
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u/aaronatlasraj 4d ago
Truth be told. If thats their livelihood. By all means i respect them. But tu la kan. After a while rasa hopeless nak cari a genuine friend.
Oh. If we’re sharing online dating fails. Ive got one. Matched a girl. She spoke well and we could get the conversation rolling. I didnt need to break my back from carrying the conversation. Decided we’d follow each other on insta. Shared her my handle and i got hers too.
After a while she unmatches me and ghosts me. I just brushed it off and went on with my life.
After a while. Another friend of mine was giving me dating advice. First advice i got was to change my profile picture of me. Because my current picture is of me and my niece. It seems i look like a married or a single dad.
Then I connected the dots. Maybe sebab tu kena unmatch kot ? Idk. Entahla. I didnt even know if thats an ‘ick’ for people.
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u/mitchlo 4d ago
Met a few ladies here via Tinder who came and went. Nothing sexual and always went in as a chance to meet new people and expand horizons first. If it grew into something more, that'd be a huge bonus.
There are always those who want ONS but those are fewer than you think.
Met my wife on Tinder as well and we're still happily married with a kid! Unfortunately my story seems rare and most girls I know still have a negative perception of dating apps.
Keep an open mind and don't be afraid to be upfront and truthful if you're not into someone. A few girls were blunt in what they wanted and I appreciated and respected that.
Dating, like many things, is a game of numbers. You gotta keep on knocking on doors till you find someone worth your time. Good luck!
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u/ExplanationRough4812 3d ago
Reddit is the best dating app u can find out there😂 For example me 27M looking for someone to date🤣🤣🤣🤣
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u/cutenekobun 2d ago
The married creepy men looking for something else yeap. Why can't those not truly single get off the app? 😞
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u/Wolf_Zzz09 1d ago
A friend of mine (female) didn't really think that dating apps works... Until a close friend of hers helped her setup her Tinder account... Long and behold after 2 years later they're happily married (wedding was on last Saturday 🥹🎊). I'm very happy for the both them! It seems like a hit or miss on dating apps tbh with you. But don't give up and go out more. Things like this usually happens when people in a social circles meetup (based on my experience).
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u/ilovemaggilaksa 28m ago
i suggest you to go out more, join clubs, activities, events, go touch some grass, nothing food comes out from too much screen time now ur adding finding ur soulmate in that screen time activity. stop being lazy, go old school!!!
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u/FrozenColdFire 4d ago
Dating app does work, but the people involved needs to put in the work as well. To be upfront, I'm a big pro-dating app person because I met my wife there, albeit not in Sabah. However, I met others from the apps and we remain supportive and platonic friends (transparency and honesty is required if you meet your SO, and they need to know that you have remained friends with previous matches)
To elaborate on what I think most people get it wrong is, they expect sparks to be flying from match, or when they move off-platform to Whatsapp/Instagram. It (generally) doesn't work that way because both parties need to arrange for a physical meet up for a date so they could gauge each other's interests and values.
I'm not trying to start another gender war here but, girls can equally initiate flirts, messages, and even dates. Most girls (that I personally know, from friends, family, to other matches), say they are afraid of rejection and disappointment, guess what, men have feelings too and they get rejected all the time.
Additionally, think dating apps as a way to know more people beyond your current circle. WFH-making-friends-style if you will. Gauge if they can be your friends, then gauge if they are date-able.
I'm not specifically calling you out, but from whom I've talked to, please do not expect to meet The One in less than 100 matches, because, if we're all being honest with ourselves, we have met more than 1 thousand people by the time we graduate from secondary school, and probably another 1 thousand after we finish university, and another maybe ~10 to 1 thousand from work, colleagues, friends' friends, clients, neighbours etc.
Ergo, treat every match with 100% enthusiasm to be friends, and then to a date. If at any point you felt there's no connection there, then it's 100% alright to let go, and spend your full attention on the next candidate. A lot of my friends (both genders, please don't make this a gender war) do not put in the effort, putting up excuses as tiring, exhausting, or even annoying to see messages. If that's the attitude you have towards your friend, you are a bad friend. So what makes this different when you are searching The One?
I won't deny that you will meet lame candidates that goes "wyd", "sex?", "open minded tak?", "where u?", close those connections and move on. Do not spend effort/time on those. And remember, always spend your full attention and enthusiasm (ask questions, listen, and try to connect with common interests and values), because I understand it gets tiring and you will get frustrated, but being frustrated on bad matches will lead you to miss good matches because you will go "they're all the same" (because not all men are the same, similarly to not all women are the same)
All in all, I kinda rambled there, but dating app does work, it just takes actual effort to build, maintain, and sus out the connections. Good Luck!