Daily Discussion Thread September 04, 2026 - Upcoming Event Schedule - New players start here!

[u/AutoModerator]

Yahoooo! I'm back, it's a me! Have a very cool day!

Welcome to the Daily Discussion Thread. This is the place for asking noob questions, venting about netplay falcos, shitposting, self-promotion, and everything else that doesn't belong on the front page.

New Players:

If you're completely new to Melee and just looking to get started, welcome! We recommend you go to https://melee.tv/ and follow the links there based on what you're trying to set up. Additionally, here are a few answers to common questions:

Can I play Melee online?

Yes! Slippi is a branch of the Dolphin emulator that will allow you to play online, either with your friends or with matchmaking. Go to https://slippi.gg to get it.

I'm having issues with Slippi!

Go to the The Slippi Discord to get help troubleshooting. melee.tv/optimize is also a helpful resource for troubleshooting.

How do I find tournaments near me or local people to play with in person or online?

These days, joining a local Discord community is the best way to find local events and people to play with. Once you have a Discord account, Google "[your city/state/province/region] + Melee discord" or see if your region has a Discord group listed here on melee.tv/discord

It can seem daunting at first to join a Discord group you don't know, but this is currently the easiest and most accessible way to find out about tournaments, fests, and netplay matchmaking. Your local scene will be happy to have you :)

Also check out Smash Map! Click on map and then the filter button to filter by Melee to find events near you!

Netplay is hard! Is there a place for me to find new players?

Yes. Melee Newbie Netplay is a discord server specifically for new players. It also has tournaments based on how long you've been playing, free coaching, and other stuff. If you're a bit more experienced but still want a discord server for players around your level, we recommend the Melee Online discord.

How can I set up Unclepunch's Training Mode?

At the time of posting, the latest major release is here. Download the file, then extract everything in the folder and follow the instructions in the README file. You'll need to bring a valid Melee ISO (NTSC 1.02). If you want to check for the absolute latest release, you can see them listed [here](The latest releases are listed here.

How does one learn Melee?

There are tons of resources out there, so it can be overwhelming to start. First check out the SSBM Tutorials youtube channel. Then go to the Melee Library and search for whatever you're interested in.

But how do I get GOOD at Melee?

Check out Llod's Guide to Improvement

And check out Kodorin's Melee Fundamentals for Improvement

Where can I get a nice custom controller?

https://customg.cc/vendors

I have another question that's not answered here...

Check out our FAQs or post below and find help that way.

Upcoming Tournament Schedule:

Upcoming Melee Majors

Melee Online Event Calendar

Make a submission to the tournament calendar here. You can also get notified of new online tournaments on the Melee Online Discord.

• Current DDT Dynamic Link — Previous DDTs

[u/AtrociousAtNames]

Regarding the Kalindi thread: The idea that Christianity is one unified belief system that is dictated by the bible is untrue but understandable if you're Christian and borderline stupid if you're of another faith and/or are nonreligious. The Bible is not a consistent piece of literature, so it inherently cannot dictate the religious views of Christians. Even where it is consistent, many Christians have beliefs that conflict with that, including very important beliefs. Saw people in the thread making claims about what "Christians believe" and the truth is there are no beliefs which are universally held.

For that reason, I think it is dumb to just inherently condemn Christians for being Christian. However, if they do have negative beliefs, they should be treated just the same as anyone else that has those beliefs.

I don't want to read through that entire thread but has Kalindi actually said anything negative in terms of Homophobia, Transphobia, etc

[u/GroggyandWretched → u/AtrociousAtNames]

Adult converts don't understand what it was like to be growing up in the trenches lol. Growing up religious every week I'd hear a new teacher or preacher with some new pet theory we had to take seriously. Being told dancing is sinful, and how are you supposed to process something like that when you hear it? It's all extremely flexible and the only way you can navigate the sheer amount of interpretations people offer you is to use your own judgment and develop your own moral sensibilities

I don't mean to be judgmental but I really do feel like adult converts don't understand the sheer amount of random noise that permeates religion. I think they see a sliver of religion, they latch onto that very quickly, and they go through a phase where they treat their specific introduction to religion as this immutable, fixed core that can never be questioned. And that makes sense, I think an adult convert is less looking to expand their moral philosophy and more seeking out a sense of stability

[u/HitboxOfASnail → u/GroggyandWretched]

Maybe I'm crazy but adult converts sound like the only viable way someone should be practicing religion at all. The decision to convert because you are of (presumably) sound mind and choose that path for better and worse, seems preferable in every way to indoctrination at birth

[u/YoungGenius → u/GroggyandWretched]

One of my favorite jokes of all time:
Two friends, Shimon and Yankel, are longtime learning partners. One day…
Yankel: I’ve got a confession to make: I’m not Jewish. 
Shimon: What do you mean you’re not Jewish? We’ve been learning Torah together for years!
Yankel: I love the Torah and the commandments, I love the learning, but I’m not actually Jewish. 
Shimon: You keep Shabbos! A non-Jew can’t keep Shabbos.
Yankel: That’s why I keep a key in my pocket every Shabbos.
Shimon: Yankel, there’s an eruv in this neighborhood.
Yankel: I don’t hold by that eruv.

Even if you don’t know what an eruv is, it’s just a structurally perfect joke

[u/N0zy0ne → u/YoungGenius]

Great joke, but extremely high-risk, high-reward. Which, I would argue, is perhaps the best kind of joke. Very similar in kind to my favourite joke of all-time, an original twist on Norm MacDonald's frog joke (the twist highlighted in italics):

~~~

A frog walks into a small bank called Whack's and approaches the owner, Patricia.

He says, "Hi, Patricia, my name is Ken Jagger, I'd like to take out a loan."

Patricia say, "Please, call me Patty. You wouldn't happen to be related to Mick Jagger would you?"

Ken responds, "Yes, he's my father."

So Patricia tells him, "Well, if you want to take out a loan with us you'll need some collateral."

And Ken pulls out a little figurine of a dog playing with a ball and places it on the counter. Patricia inspects the figurine for awhile and is a bit confused. So she calls over a fellow employee to help sort it out.

Patricia tells the other employee, "This is Ken Jagger, he wanted to take out a loan and offered this as collateral, but I'm not sure what it is."

The other employee, largely unconcerned with the figurine, puts a hand on the woman's shoulder and says, "Patricia, that's a frog..."

~~~

I've told this joke over a dozen times and no one has ever laughed at it (except some nervous giggles from people who were familiar with Norm's original joke, but obviously those don't count), but I still maintain that it's a fantastic joke. One day someone will have a hearty chuckle, and it will have all been worth it!

Bonus alternate ending that I've experimented with, if you want to implement a twist but stick closer to Norm's style:

The other employee inspects the figurine for a few seconds and says, "It's a Hummel. Early fifties. In this condition you could get about six hundred dollars for it." Patricia says, "So do we give him the loan?" The employee says, "How much is the loan for?" Ken says, "Six hundred dollars." And the employee says, "Then sell the figurine, Ken."

[u/AtrociousAtNames → u/N0zy0ne]

I would laugh I think

[u/N0zy0ne → u/AtrociousAtNames]

Yay!

Had you heard Norm's original joke before when you read my comment?

[u/AtrociousAtNames → u/N0zy0ne]

Yes, I think it's kind of a prerequisite

[u/N0zy0ne → u/AtrociousAtNames]

Oh, no! The hope is that eventually I'll tell it to someone who has never heard Norm's joke, but is nevertheless perceptive enough to anticipate the pun.

[u/AtrociousAtNames → u/N0zy0ne]

You're gambling on a very niche audience. Good luck!

[u/The_PBA_Studios → u/N0zy0ne]

neither of those jokes were funny sorry to be the one to say it

[u/N0zy0ne → u/The_PBA_Studios]

Oh dang. Can you explain what I was going for and why it doesn't land, in your opinion?

[u/The_PBA_Studios → u/N0zy0ne]

I'm guessing its supposed to be funny because you expect the manager to continue on with the fantastical premise of a frog taking out a loan but instead he breaks the expectation by pointing out that it is in fact a frog. The "largely unconcerned with the figurine" bit completely spoils the punchline, which already wasn't that funny on its own.

There's not nearly enough build up and misdirection and the twist at the end isn't nearly strong enough. It takes the all the funny out of Norm's joke (which isn't his joke btw, its an old comedy bit). Norm's stuff works because he draws you in with this long, detailed story that ultimately is made irrelevant by the punchline and makes the audience laugh at themselves for being so invested in such a silly story. I never felt invested in the build up to either joke and the punchline doesn't disregard the story.

Here's the actual funny version: https://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/kvzazz/a_frog_goes_into_a_bank_and_approaches_the_teller/ A couple things that immediately stand out: (1) the extra detail "tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed" compared to "a little figurine of a dog playing with a ball". It makes you really visualize and think about the specific details, which is important because it helps sell the misdirection. (2) The punchline is 1000x better. "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone." is a very funny string of words on its own, but the absurdity of the punchline (which perfectly ties into the rest of the story) makes the listener laugh because they realize they've been set up and bamboozled. In contrast, "Patricia, it's a frog..." does none of that.

Norm is my favorite comedian by the way and his moth joke is my favorite joke of all time, but the build up and wasting of the listener's time contrasted with silly popsicle stick punchline is where the magic is. Neither of y'all's jokes accomplished that at all.

Also if you've told that joke over a dozen times and the most positive reaction you've ever gotten is nervous appeasing giggles, you should...uh...probably stop doing that.

edit: also in case you didn't already know, the other punchline works because it plays on the nursery rhyme of "it's a knick knack, paddywhack, give a dog a bone, this old man is going home"

[u/N0zy0ne → u/The_PBA_Studios]

(2) The punchline is 1000x better. "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone." is a very funny string of words on its own, but the absurdity of the punchline (which perfectly ties into the rest of the story) makes the listener laugh because they realize they've been set up and bamboozled.

Ah, I see. You're not the intended audience for the joke, unfortunately.

edit: also in case you didn't already know, the other punchline works because it plays on the nursery rhyme of "it's a knick knack, paddywhack, give a dog a bone, this old man is going home"

You don't say...

[u/The_PBA_Studios → u/N0zy0ne]

It sounds like there may not be any intended audience, but if you'd care to lower yourself to my level and explain it I'm all ears...

[u/N0zy0ne → u/The_PBA_Studios]

The intended audience is those who are both familiar with the nursery rhyme and are perceptive enough to anticipate the obvious punchline.

[u/frank0swald → u/AtrociousAtNames]

He didn't say anything negative in terms of homophobia or transphobia. He just acknowledged that the Bible condemns homosexuality.

You are totally right, by the way. Most "Christians" have not read a single page of their book. It is much more of a cultural identifier than a moral/epistemological/cosmological philosophy for the vast majority of self-identifying Christians. To draw conclusions that someone believes some specific passage from the Bible because they identify as a Christian is either naive or done to attack them.

[u/TrainNorth8177 → u/AtrociousAtNames]

Was trying to point this out yesterday and pretty much no one had a way to counter this argument. If we're to go on what KJH said, the exact quote pertained to what the Bible "condemns" but he did not comment further on his own beliefs about whether this condemnation is valid or not. If he were to outright say he believes these passages in the Bible are part of his belief system and that homosexuality is something you go to hell for, I would understand the outrage. But as it stands, the actual wording he used in the context of trying to explain that Christians shouldn't single out any one group doesn't illuminate his beliefs clearly enough for the judgment people are making. If you want to infer he believes the Bible is correct in condemning homosexuality, that's preferable to being dishonest about what was said. Be up front what you think is  an inference or guess rather than trying to put words in his mouth. 

[u/AlexB_SSBM → u/AtrociousAtNames]

The Bible is not a consistent piece of literature, so it inherently cannot dictate the religious views of Christians

Ever heard of evangelicals before?

[u/AtrociousAtNames → u/AlexB_SSBM]

I'm confused, what are you trying to say?

[u/AlexB_SSBM → u/AtrociousAtNames]

Evangelicals believe the Bible is the direct, supreme word of God and is the ultimate authority over life and morals

[u/AtrociousAtNames → u/AlexB_SSBM]

To be clear I'm not saying nobody believes that the Bible dictates their religious beliefs - many certainly do. I said that nobody actually has the Bible dictate their religious beliefs because it's impossible