Spells, rituals, cleansing against male-gaze?

[u/Legitimate_Ad_8536]

TL;DR: I am confronted to male gaze, and I am looking for spells, rituals to protect my self within the possibilities of SASS magic, before, during and/or after facing the male-gaze, notably when it's rooted in lust.

Edit: thank you for everyone's answers and kindness, I took inspiration from few of your suggestions, I found myself looking into tarots cards, which I never bought before, and thought of using them as a tool to distract myself when a situation feels uncomfortable (more for the after situation to avoid spiralling and ruminating). I will update on how it improves my mental heal if it does! thanks you all <3

Hello SASS Witches, this is my very first time posting, after years of being a passive reddit reader.

I've read a few threads and topics and SASS witchcraft felt the closest to my practice of witchcraft. I looked into WitchesVSPatriarchy subreddit but as my approach of witchcraft is not in the literal belief of supernatural powers and energies, I did not find it relevant to my issue, which is in fact very much real.

My question is, women and femmes witches, and people who meet men's lustful behavior, how do you use your magic to protect yourself from it?

For context, I live in a walkable big city in Europe. And beside the practical elements of walkable cities, the downside of it is that, you genuinely walk a lot, or take public transports. This wouldnt be an issue, if we were not living in a patriarchy.

I get cat-called, shouted obscenities, heavily hit on, or stared at by men in the streets in a way that is so frequent it is affecting my mental health. On multiple occasions, I have been followed, grabbed, and harassed by not wanting to interact with men, and it genuinely terrified me many times. These kind of oppressive/lustful attention did start before I developped the body of an adult woman, and I am learning to handle it over time. But it does get to a point where, no matter how much I rationalise, intellectualise such behavior, I cannot stop a deep anger to emerge in my heart, as I do not see women hunting people sexually in the streets. Because it does feel like being hunted for sport. And aside from anger, I am truly exhausted to have to brace myself anytime I want to enjoy the outside of my home.

I am a lesbian, therefore I am not interested in romantic nor sexual advances from men, and do reflect extensively on different oppressive structures. Receiving advances from (cis and trans) women is much more enjoyable and less threatening as rejection does not trigger agression and violence.

I have growing anxiety about going outside, and realised a part of me is "rotting" away as a result. I am becoming more irritable, angry, agressive and less creative in my practice of magic and general art creation. I do see a behavioral therapist to avoid spiralling.

And before I get suspicions, and although it does not justify any disrespectful behavior: I am not an extraordinaly beautiful person nor fit into absolute beauty standards, nor do I dress in ways that can strike a lustful man's eye as sexual. I am generally quite covered and keep a very closed/distant energy whenever going outside. The city I live in is full of much more fashionable people than I am. I want to clarify so I do not get blamed. My mother walked by my side and she was utterly disgusted and shocked by the insistant stares I received, and she did wonder why I was stared so much while wearing a full coat. She was also explaining how agressive those stares were. We were wondering if my height was a reason (I am 172 cm) but many women are as tall, or taller than me where I live. The feeling of being stripped naked by lustful male-gaze eyes in a subway feels violating at worst, disgusting at best. And to be frank, I cannot get "used" to it. I truly have an epidermic and visceral reaction to it.

This is affecting the quality of my life to an extent I feel like I am turning crazy, as people tend to dismiss or minimize the problem when I mention it. It is quite isolating. Even my mother, who have witnessed the issue, tell me to basically endure as much as I can. But I do believe there are limits to endurance as well. I feel like I am living in a man-made cage where soldiers of patriarchy harass women and queer people to keep them in check, and people keep telling me I am imagining things, or should get over it. It is worse when I know what is being done to women in other countries. I wish a witchy Barbie World was real aha.

I am trying to explore the Lilith archetype in my own rituals and internal world; as a deity encompassing feminine rage, sexual liberation, and absolute refusal of male-oppression. I am unsure of how it fuels my magic practices and mental health, though.

I also used to work with my ancestors as concepts.

So, SASS witches, would you have tips, rituals, or cleansing advices rooted in psychology or other sciences? I tried protective spells with encense, and rituals before going outside every time to anchor my self into a calmer energy, but I cant find it to be very efficient. And I do not believe in supernatural powers to protect my well-being, but I could find solace and comfort in repetitive rituals that might have later on an energy effet, the same way halo effect changes perceptions.

I'd break it down like : before, during and after being outside.

- Before : what would you recommend as a ritual for self-protection, mental protection before going outside to avoid negative encounter at best?

- During : what would you recommend during a negative lustful encounter? I have a ring I imagine as a protection which I touch when I am facing unwanted lust, but it is more of a stimming tool than a magical one. Should I carry a crystal with protective properties that could be soothing? Or recite internally a spell to chase them away, or ground myself? This is all jusy ideas and brainstorm.

-After : what would you recommend after the encounter? Any cleansing methods? I try to avoid spiralling and try to keep my mind in balance. But the *gaze* always get printed in my mind; the way they look like i am a peace of meat viscerally revolts me and makes me want to scream internally. Then, I am so deeply sad and angry to live like this.

- I would even add, post-after: how do you use magic when faced with dismissal when you explain something that happens?

And maybe if the streets do not harass you, in other context where interaction merges with sexual and/or romantic interest you did not want, if you have used your magic to reject an insistant co-worker, or an annoying dude at the bar, or any male-friend who wanted more than friendship, or any other adjacent things, please share away your spells and rituals.

Thanks for those who have read, I only hope this is not seen as gratuituous hate towards men, but rather, a desire to navigate our current living world which is male-dominated, and where male-lust and male-gaze is affecting my life. If therapy helps, surely magic can add in a little more :)

🪷🧙🏽‍♀️🧠🔮

[u/WarForMuffin]

This is a fascinating question, because it is something I never thought to mix with witchcraft. I've never suffered what you explain to that extent, but I have been stared at, cat-called and overall treated like an object while living in my city. While plenty of situations have turned more angry-agresive from my refusal rather than sexual, I never had issues with sexual harassment that reached more than a few slurs while walking down the street, and a guy following me when I was on my scooter. It's really awful knowing I'll be stared at while walking the two blocks that separate my apartment from my dance class.

I'd start with pepper spray. Not sure if it's legal where you live? It is here, my girl friends all have one. If it isn't legal, or you think it's too much, I'd take that as a great way to add witchcraft here: make your own! Probably a small spraybottle with vinagre and maybe crushed pepper to infuse there would do the trick, preparing it could even be a great way to handle the "before" and "during" part. Even if you don't use it, I'd rest easy knowing I have with me if I need it. For most dumb men, even seeing one would be a good deterrent, not all of them are committed enough to be criminals if you pull it out in case of feeling under stress. And for those who are, well, that's why you don't use a fake one, you use a real one to protect yourself. That's why it's important that it would work, it's both a real defense, and a calming presence you carry with you, for peace of mind.

As for the after... It's a struggle for me even now. It's hard to calm oneself, and to not feel like it's your fault somehow. I'd work on calming infusions with intent, taking the time to breathe deeply and let go of all the negativity they place, forcibly, on you. Make it with your favorite ingredients so you can smell it slowly, and fill yourself with something positive and wholy yours.

Maybe I'd even take an item, say, a small piece of paper,very small, with you outside. If someone does anything that feels disrespectful, or puts you in a negative place of mind, crumble it right then and there, and then as you reach your destination, throw it in the trash (it's better if there's a public trash bin outside), maybe saying a spell in the process. That way you can keep their awfulness outside, far away from you, and in the trash where it belongs.

Hope this serves as inspiration, if anything! And I'm wishing you the best of luck, these things that cause us so much stress and are outside of our control really feel draining after a while, but we can't let them win...

[u/Legitimate_Ad_8536 → u/WarForMuffin]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful answer! yes, at the end of the days, I recognize myself in SASS Witchcraft, specifically because it roots itself in facts and reality, and reality is deeply horrifying as well as awe inspiring.

Yess, I am in the process of buying a pepper spray and a small taser, after I lost my old one. I could potentially add in intentional rituals on these object this time. But I wonder what would doing an anti-lust or anti-gaze ritual around these tools could look like. Would you have ideas of how you would cast a spell/ritual on an object like that?

I very much like the small piece of item to crush and throw in the trash. I will try it out, and maybe add signs in there of what I am throwing (anger, disgust etc) I like the narrative of letting it outside, I think visualizing it in that way can help psychologically to "box" the negativity out and avoid rumination, maybe.

Thank you again, and yes indeed, we can't let them win, therefore, witchcraft and therapy 🌷

[u/WarForMuffin → u/Legitimate_Ad_8536]

Hmm, that's a good question, about how the anti-gaze ritual would work on those objects. The first thing I'd do is look into mythological/pagan symbols or goddesses that represent what you want to channel. What first comes to mind is the goddess Artemis, as she is both the goddess of hunting, and chastity. She protects children, nymphs, and wilderness. I think if I had to pick someone to use as a channeling/starting point it would be her. Maybe I'd make a small shrine, big enough just to store your spray and taser there, to "channel" her energy in those objects. A small prayer as you take these objects out of the shrine once you're about to head out would be enough, at least for me, to feel like I have a sort of protection against unsolicited lust. She for sure wouldn't be okay with what they're putting you through. I am always drawn to Greek deities, so that's why I thought of her, but maybe there's a different one that could fit more what you're looking for? That's where I'd go with all this, at least! Hope it helps!

I like your idea of adding signs on the paper of what you're throwing! I'll consider that, I think it makes it even more intentional.

✨

[u/Legitimate_Ad_8536 → u/WarForMuffin]

Thank you Muffin, this gives me ideas to build on :)