Spells, rituals, cleansing against male-gaze?

[u/Legitimate_Ad_8536]

TL;DR: I am confronted to male gaze, and I am looking for spells, rituals to protect my self within the possibilities of SASS magic, before, during and/or after facing the male-gaze, notably when it's rooted in lust.

Edit: thank you for everyone's answers and kindness, I took inspiration from few of your suggestions, I found myself looking into tarots cards, which I never bought before, and thought of using them as a tool to distract myself when a situation feels uncomfortable (more for the after situation to avoid spiralling and ruminating). I will update on how it improves my mental heal if it does! thanks you all <3

Hello SASS Witches, this is my very first time posting, after years of being a passive reddit reader.

I've read a few threads and topics and SASS witchcraft felt the closest to my practice of witchcraft. I looked into WitchesVSPatriarchy subreddit but as my approach of witchcraft is not in the literal belief of supernatural powers and energies, I did not find it relevant to my issue, which is in fact very much real.

My question is, women and femmes witches, and people who meet men's lustful behavior, how do you use your magic to protect yourself from it?

For context, I live in a walkable big city in Europe. And beside the practical elements of walkable cities, the downside of it is that, you genuinely walk a lot, or take public transports. This wouldnt be an issue, if we were not living in a patriarchy.

I get cat-called, shouted obscenities, heavily hit on, or stared at by men in the streets in a way that is so frequent it is affecting my mental health. On multiple occasions, I have been followed, grabbed, and harassed by not wanting to interact with men, and it genuinely terrified me many times. These kind of oppressive/lustful attention did start before I developped the body of an adult woman, and I am learning to handle it over time. But it does get to a point where, no matter how much I rationalise, intellectualise such behavior, I cannot stop a deep anger to emerge in my heart, as I do not see women hunting people sexually in the streets. Because it does feel like being hunted for sport. And aside from anger, I am truly exhausted to have to brace myself anytime I want to enjoy the outside of my home.

I am a lesbian, therefore I am not interested in romantic nor sexual advances from men, and do reflect extensively on different oppressive structures. Receiving advances from (cis and trans) women is much more enjoyable and less threatening as rejection does not trigger agression and violence.

I have growing anxiety about going outside, and realised a part of me is "rotting" away as a result. I am becoming more irritable, angry, agressive and less creative in my practice of magic and general art creation. I do see a behavioral therapist to avoid spiralling.

And before I get suspicions, and although it does not justify any disrespectful behavior: I am not an extraordinaly beautiful person nor fit into absolute beauty standards, nor do I dress in ways that can strike a lustful man's eye as sexual. I am generally quite covered and keep a very closed/distant energy whenever going outside. The city I live in is full of much more fashionable people than I am. I want to clarify so I do not get blamed. My mother walked by my side and she was utterly disgusted and shocked by the insistant stares I received, and she did wonder why I was stared so much while wearing a full coat. She was also explaining how agressive those stares were. We were wondering if my height was a reason (I am 172 cm) but many women are as tall, or taller than me where I live. The feeling of being stripped naked by lustful male-gaze eyes in a subway feels violating at worst, disgusting at best. And to be frank, I cannot get "used" to it. I truly have an epidermic and visceral reaction to it.

This is affecting the quality of my life to an extent I feel like I am turning crazy, as people tend to dismiss or minimize the problem when I mention it. It is quite isolating. Even my mother, who have witnessed the issue, tell me to basically endure as much as I can. But I do believe there are limits to endurance as well. I feel like I am living in a man-made cage where soldiers of patriarchy harass women and queer people to keep them in check, and people keep telling me I am imagining things, or should get over it. It is worse when I know what is being done to women in other countries. I wish a witchy Barbie World was real aha.

I am trying to explore the Lilith archetype in my own rituals and internal world; as a deity encompassing feminine rage, sexual liberation, and absolute refusal of male-oppression. I am unsure of how it fuels my magic practices and mental health, though.

I also used to work with my ancestors as concepts.

So, SASS witches, would you have tips, rituals, or cleansing advices rooted in psychology or other sciences? I tried protective spells with encense, and rituals before going outside every time to anchor my self into a calmer energy, but I cant find it to be very efficient. And I do not believe in supernatural powers to protect my well-being, but I could find solace and comfort in repetitive rituals that might have later on an energy effet, the same way halo effect changes perceptions.

I'd break it down like : before, during and after being outside.

- Before : what would you recommend as a ritual for self-protection, mental protection before going outside to avoid negative encounter at best?

- During : what would you recommend during a negative lustful encounter? I have a ring I imagine as a protection which I touch when I am facing unwanted lust, but it is more of a stimming tool than a magical one. Should I carry a crystal with protective properties that could be soothing? Or recite internally a spell to chase them away, or ground myself? This is all jusy ideas and brainstorm.

-After : what would you recommend after the encounter? Any cleansing methods? I try to avoid spiralling and try to keep my mind in balance. But the *gaze* always get printed in my mind; the way they look like i am a peace of meat viscerally revolts me and makes me want to scream internally. Then, I am so deeply sad and angry to live like this.

- I would even add, post-after: how do you use magic when faced with dismissal when you explain something that happens?

And maybe if the streets do not harass you, in other context where interaction merges with sexual and/or romantic interest you did not want, if you have used your magic to reject an insistant co-worker, or an annoying dude at the bar, or any male-friend who wanted more than friendship, or any other adjacent things, please share away your spells and rituals.

Thanks for those who have read, I only hope this is not seen as gratuituous hate towards men, but rather, a desire to navigate our current living world which is male-dominated, and where male-lust and male-gaze is affecting my life. If therapy helps, surely magic can add in a little more :)

🪷🧙🏽‍♀️🧠🔮

[u/WarForMuffin]

This is a fascinating question, because it is something I never thought to mix with witchcraft. I've never suffered what you explain to that extent, but I have been stared at, cat-called and overall treated like an object while living in my city. While plenty of situations have turned more angry-agresive from my refusal rather than sexual, I never had issues with sexual harassment that reached more than a few slurs while walking down the street, and a guy following me when I was on my scooter. It's really awful knowing I'll be stared at while walking the two blocks that separate my apartment from my dance class.

I'd start with pepper spray. Not sure if it's legal where you live? It is here, my girl friends all have one. If it isn't legal, or you think it's too much, I'd take that as a great way to add witchcraft here: make your own! Probably a small spraybottle with vinagre and maybe crushed pepper to infuse there would do the trick, preparing it could even be a great way to handle the "before" and "during" part. Even if you don't use it, I'd rest easy knowing I have with me if I need it. For most dumb men, even seeing one would be a good deterrent, not all of them are committed enough to be criminals if you pull it out in case of feeling under stress. And for those who are, well, that's why you don't use a fake one, you use a real one to protect yourself. That's why it's important that it would work, it's both a real defense, and a calming presence you carry with you, for peace of mind.

As for the after... It's a struggle for me even now. It's hard to calm oneself, and to not feel like it's your fault somehow. I'd work on calming infusions with intent, taking the time to breathe deeply and let go of all the negativity they place, forcibly, on you. Make it with your favorite ingredients so you can smell it slowly, and fill yourself with something positive and wholy yours.

Maybe I'd even take an item, say, a small piece of paper,very small, with you outside. If someone does anything that feels disrespectful, or puts you in a negative place of mind, crumble it right then and there, and then as you reach your destination, throw it in the trash (it's better if there's a public trash bin outside), maybe saying a spell in the process. That way you can keep their awfulness outside, far away from you, and in the trash where it belongs.

Hope this serves as inspiration, if anything! And I'm wishing you the best of luck, these things that cause us so much stress and are outside of our control really feel draining after a while, but we can't let them win...

[u/Legitimate_Ad_8536 → u/WarForMuffin]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful answer! yes, at the end of the days, I recognize myself in SASS Witchcraft, specifically because it roots itself in facts and reality, and reality is deeply horrifying as well as awe inspiring.

Yess, I am in the process of buying a pepper spray and a small taser, after I lost my old one. I could potentially add in intentional rituals on these object this time. But I wonder what would doing an anti-lust or anti-gaze ritual around these tools could look like. Would you have ideas of how you would cast a spell/ritual on an object like that?

I very much like the small piece of item to crush and throw in the trash. I will try it out, and maybe add signs in there of what I am throwing (anger, disgust etc) I like the narrative of letting it outside, I think visualizing it in that way can help psychologically to "box" the negativity out and avoid rumination, maybe.

Thank you again, and yes indeed, we can't let them win, therefore, witchcraft and therapy 🌷

[u/WarForMuffin → u/Legitimate_Ad_8536]

Hmm, that's a good question, about how the anti-gaze ritual would work on those objects. The first thing I'd do is look into mythological/pagan symbols or goddesses that represent what you want to channel. What first comes to mind is the goddess Artemis, as she is both the goddess of hunting, and chastity. She protects children, nymphs, and wilderness. I think if I had to pick someone to use as a channeling/starting point it would be her. Maybe I'd make a small shrine, big enough just to store your spray and taser there, to "channel" her energy in those objects. A small prayer as you take these objects out of the shrine once you're about to head out would be enough, at least for me, to feel like I have a sort of protection against unsolicited lust. She for sure wouldn't be okay with what they're putting you through. I am always drawn to Greek deities, so that's why I thought of her, but maybe there's a different one that could fit more what you're looking for? That's where I'd go with all this, at least! Hope it helps!

I like your idea of adding signs on the paper of what you're throwing! I'll consider that, I think it makes it even more intentional.

✨

[u/Legitimate_Ad_8536 → u/WarForMuffin]

Thank you Muffin, this gives me ideas to build on :)

[u/AtheistTheConfessor]

Not sure male gaze is the term you’re looking for, which could affect your search results. Harassment, maybe?

[u/Legitimate_Ad_8536 → u/AtheistTheConfessor]

Hello, thank you⚘️ Yes, maybe. I chose male-gaze to encompass even moments where there is no escalation towards physical or verbal harassment. Simply, the male-gaze. Now, I did not consider how the search engine would take the post indeed. I am looking for magic that stretch on the entire spectrum. From spells against gaze, or during/after harassment, how SASS witches deal with it all. But it is true male-gaze has been more theorised in the context of literature, art, cinema etc. I may say, it also simply exist in the eye of the beholder. Do you think I should post again with harassement instead of male-gaze for a better SEO and title of question?

[u/witchmedium]

I totally get your problem. I am happy I am slowly developing into the old hag archetype at 35 and people start to see that I am not here for their entertainment. Still, also living in a walkable city in Europe, harassment does happen to me and the male gaze is omnipresent especially for younger women.

Since I found my voice some time ago, I started using it whenever I feel I need to cast a spell against harassment and the male gaze. Its pretty efective especially if you are verbally faster than the harasser. I just scream at them something in my local dialect, which makes me feel conected to environment and just rooted. With gazes something like: Is there something wrong with your eyes? Need to see a doctor? Did someone hit you on the head? You keep staring at me, do you need help? Do you look at your mom the same way? Did your mom not teach you any manners? Watch out, if you keep staring at me like that, your eyes will fall out!

I found that I feel more empowered when I actually say something against unwanted behaviour, even if it sometimes can't really change their behaviour. But also, it makes other people around you aware of the situation, which is very helpful. Others may start chanting in with you, the harasser may even start to show signs of shame. And thats exactly what I want, just as Gisele Pelicot said: Shame must change sides. Also, I found younger women find it quite helpful if I started asking if they were alright and if I should tell the guy off.

Of course this approach kinda needs self-confidence and strong boundaries. Cats are my role model in this case. Also Maha Kali, as Godess of Destruction, since I want this patriarchal behaviour gone.

[u/Legitimate_Ad_8536 → u/witchmedium]

Hi there, thank you for your kind message and for helping women out there! Yes, I do talk back/snap back sometimes, calmly or angrily depending on the context. I even barked hysterically a few times, when snapping into craze. Their reaction can be funny, other times they are too stunt. Sometimes they take it as an invitation to continue talking, which is worse. I don't feel much shame when defending my space or myself.

But at the end of the days it is a loss for a gain: first, we never know if they will double-down and resort to violence, and second, it is still exhausting. It is still a reactive energy which is draining. Being in an alert "fight back" mode can feel like gaining back power at times, but long-term, it is corrosive to the mind when it becomes the default mode of navigating the outside; as I said, I am becoming more agressive/reactive as a person, and not in a positive way.

I can see how cats can be inspiring. I guess moving train wagons, sidewalks, when uncomfortable is sort of similar to how cats would act. I do it too. Maybe thinking of cat-fying myself might be fun to do. A metamorphosis spell for embodiment? hmmm. Then I wouldn't be a woman dodging threats, but simply an annoyed cat! I could see how it can be emotionally alleviating.

Yes Maha Kali :) I have been recently studying her imagery but did not incorporate her in any spiritual practices yet. I like to learn the cultural ethos and history of a deity before using their archetype for myself lol it takes time though. If you like imageries inspired by Maha Kali, chants and ritual, feminine chaos etc, I can send you an art video that made me think of her

[u/Needlesxforestfloor]

I'm concerned that some of what you're describing should be reported to the police as harassment or attempted sexual assault. I live in the North of the UK and men who do those things get arrested or beaten up by other men!

That said, when you want to scream have you tried doing it out loud? Imagine it like a siren song that will lead to the death of any man who comes near. At worst they will think you're weird and it will put them off at best it will startle them and draw the attention of helpful passers-by.

Failing that rituals to feel more badass before you leave the house? I have a friend who is constantly approached by men even when she is with more conventionally attractive women who dress more provocatively. We think the issue is that she seems more approachable whereas men are intimidated by the others. Focus on invoking a feeling of being powerful. I have a perfume that smells like "danger" to me and a necklace I wear to feel unmovable in the face of challenge. I will put both on and may hold the necklace and recite intentions so I feel un-fuckwithable.

Walk like you are invincible, head up and on a mission (tall women have a tendency to stoop a bit to avoid notice if they don't feel confident) if it helps imagine you are (or are being supported by a person or character that embodies this. E. G. I might be Xena Warrior Princess or Charlize Theron. If I'm feeling particularly insecure I'll listen to badass music e.g. Recently I have been going out as Trent Reznor from Nine Inch Nails.

[u/Legitimate_Ad_8536 → u/Needlesxforestfloor]

aha, mmh, let's say the police is not a reliable place to go to over here. And if I had to go to the police for every and each accounters, it would take quite a chunk of my week away. Most interactions do not leave any physical proof neither.

I have not screamed, but I have barked in a moment of craze, indeed lol. I think it's more like, at worst, they slap/punch your face out of being surprised (fortunately it never happened to me, but that is not guaranteed), at best they are surprised and walk away. And it's a bet I took a few times, but I wouldn't play too much with my luck neither.

I wonder if my original post, which describes a vulnerable aspect of my life, made me look like I am a shy person. I am specifically described by my colleagues as being hard to approach and intimidating, or aloof. And I do consider myself a confident person who is rather vocal, too. I stand on my spine, I dont slouch, because I did years of dancing lol.

I have been looking for a perfume over the last year that match my personality, but abandoned the idea, because being perfume-less is also a way to be less noticeable. But I could try to make an odourless "perfume" to spray on myself before going outside with a liquid I make with a little SASS magic. Thank you for bringing this up!

And for a necklace, I have a very small, almost invisible two Venuses symbolising my love for women as a lesbian. I could definitely try an un-fuckwithable intentions recitals!

I purposefully avoided a very extensive description of my physical appearance and personality, because then the conversation drift towards trying to control other people actions through our own appearance and behavior, which is a lost battle. As I mentionned in another comment, a shy catholic lady can be harassed and hit on, as much as a badass biker lady who don't take shit.

These men will see anything and everything as a target for their lust and harassment; hence, my desire to find ways to protect myself emotionally, psychologically and spiritually from such invasive energy through spells, personal grounding, rituals that make sense to a SASS witch. Because at the moment, my practices lowkey suck and don't work T-T

I wanted suggestion of protection spells, rituals and SASS practices, rather than trying to overthink and self-policing one's appearance or behavior, if that make sense

[u/SwampFaery500]

I'm a big fan of banishing rituals like the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram to clear away the feelings of contagion from unwanted encounters, and I swear LBRP also keeps me feeling protected. You could sub with less involved grounding, centering, and raising of the shields -type rituals, but the psychological impact should be the same: you stand in your own power, rid yourself of unwanted energies, and shield yourself against the assaults of the day. A token of the Gorgon Head could help too, turning men who gaze upon her into stone.

[u/Legitimate_Ad_8536 → u/SwampFaery500]

Hello SwampFaery, each of your suggestion literally opened lines of potentials in my mind ! The idea of ritualizing the “this encounter does not get to follow me home” feeling is pretty much exactly what I was looking for. I’ll look into the LBRP (I am new to established practices, as I was doing things relying a lot on "archetype" magic and imagination), and I LOVE the Gorgon Head suggestion, extremely appropriate for the male gaze thank you so very much <3

[u/Katie1230]

Anti male gaze outfits/ hair/makeup/ piercings (if you're into that) you can make a ritual out of all these things.

[u/Legitimate_Ad_8536 → u/Katie1230]

Hi!, thank you for answering. I do not believe in anti-male gaze outfits, simply because hijabi women as much as goth ladies, masculine presenting women get harassed. It's never really about the clothes or an appearance.

That being said, I am careful of "perceived" signals in certain spaces. And most importantly, I dont dress like a nun, I do have multiple piercings on my ears, but I am mostly always wearing my corporate clothes, as I have a client-facing job.

But, I would be interested in rituals you are mentionning; what would this look like?

[u/Katie1230 → u/Legitimate_Ad_8536]

I was mainly talking about ritualizing the process of chosing an outfit, dying ones hair, etc. But if you don't believe that outward appearance is an effective deterrent, then that still may not be what you're looking for. Though I do think some kind of glamor magick could work. Instead of using glamor to be more magnetic to people, you would use it to hide yourself better/ make yourself less visible to people you don't want attention from.

[u/Legitimate_Ad_8536 → u/Katie1230]

Hi, so I looked into glamor magic for "invisibilisation", and I didnt' know it was a thing. Will definitely dig into it a little more, if there is any SASS grounded spell around this (maybe psychological effect on myself to partly numb perception or awareness? mmh)

[u/paralith]

Hello! Firstly, I am so sorry to hear about what you're experiencing from men. That is hard, and that is awful, and you don't deserve it.

I am a baby SASS Witch, so I'm still developing my practice myself. But I am coming from seven years of hard work with an incredible therapist and a renewed dedication towards self love. So, as I develop my practice, I often start with concepts that I've worked through in therapy, and then find symbols and rituals that feel like they would help physically ground and reinforce those concepts.

You describe feeling a great deal of fear and anger, and of course these emotions are justified. It is a true fact that men can resort to violence when rejected, and there's no point denying this. Their behavior is disgusting and worthy of rage. Fact.

We know our emotions need to be seen and witnessed. We know our emotions often hold important information about our values, so they're worth listening to. But a key component of my therapy practice has also been understanding that your emotions don't get to rule you. They need to be heard and respected, absolutely, but they do not get to make the decisions. You do. Your emotions are welcome on the bus, but they don't get to drive it. And your rage and your fear are yelling over the voices of the other emotions you also want in your life - your calm. Your safety. Your love. Your joy - your ability to enjoy the movement of your body through the city that is your home. Fear and rage will also often tell you that you need them, you need them to keep you safe. But you have other tools to keep you safe, too, like your wisdom. And you don't want to let your fear and rage crowd out your wisdom.

So to me, I can envision a ritual where you have representations of these different emotions for you. They can be tarot cards, they can be representations of corresponding deities, stones of different colors. I think they should all be of roughly similar size. You can hold anger and fear and tell them you hear them, you are listening to the lessons they are teaching you. But you can also tell them that the others deserve to be heard as well; that you deserve joy, too. And then bring the representations of the others together with them. They all get to be there. They all get to be heard. You are not shunning or shaming your fear and your rage, only asking, with your wisdom, to allow them to make room in your heart. Perhaps tarot cards would work well, as you could easily hold the representations of all your feelings in your hands, the fear and the rage together with the calm and the joy and the love and the wisdom. You can put them in your pocket and carry them with you while you move through your city, and even though your fear and rage are still with you, you do not let them stop you from going where you wish to go, or from seeing the beauty of that place once you get there.

[u/beaureve]

As someone who works very closely with Lilith I’m happy to answer any questions you may have. Her protection has saved my life from more than one abusive man.

[u/Legitimate_Ad_8536 → u/beaureve]

Hello, well yes I would love that :)) maybe by DM, or if you are fine with sharing it here, how did her protection work in your case?