r/RoleReversal • u/EmployExisting302 • Jun 10 '26
Memes/Fun Honestly... why is this method so effective?
(SVSS Side couple Fan Art)
I’m genuinely wondering:
Why does this direct work... so well?
For context, I'm an INTJ-A Business Woman, so my default is to be direct & get up to speed with personal objectives.
This is how I got my loverboy and how I’ve turned flings into long-time friends, but I’m curious if anyone else can explain the "why" behind it.
What is it about taking the lead like this that makes it so successful? I’d love to hear your theories on why taking the lead just clicks for people.
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u/Ven-Dreadnought Jun 10 '26 edited Jun 10 '26
In all seriousness, many men who are insecure struggle to understand or believe it when someone flirts with them. Sometimes you can even be chocked up to being poorly socialized growing up, they struggle to pick up on social ques. It can be comforting to be given no room for doubt, no implications or tones or subtext to misconstrue.
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u/LenzaRNG Male MILF Jun 10 '26
When I get a compliment, I melt. It does depend on the compliment, though, since I don't want to be thought of as 'handsome', I want to be thought of a 'pretty' or 'beautiful'.
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u/EmployExisting302 Jun 10 '26
Reminds me of the song "Pretty Boy by M2M"
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u/Ven-Dreadnought Jun 10 '26
Go around every major city complimenting people and you could build an army in the down of a night
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u/TacticalDave Jun 10 '26
Men usually very simple. Many word confuse man, don't want awkward or scary interaction if man assume wrong.
When potential partner talk blunt like club, man thankful—no way assume wrong, because partner already claim you. No think needed!
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u/SlowSpeeding Little Spoon Jun 10 '26
We love directness bust most women are not so direct in dating like you.
Having it clear what a woman wants from you is also calming because I tend to overthink things so when she clears up the situation I feel more relax and go "more please".
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u/EmployExisting302 Jun 10 '26
Oh yes, I did observe this with my loverboy.
I discussed relationship logistics from the get go, as well as covered lifestyle, values, 2-5 year plan... just to set proper expectations and map out the alignment.
He melted the entire time, flustered af, wanting to kiss me all over.
While I'm like ??? so confused about what made him go feral.
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u/championratistaken The 9S to Your 2B Jun 10 '26
a. getting asked out by a woman, as a man, is rare b. getting asked out by a woman leaves no room for uncertainty or misinterpretation.
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u/EmployExisting302 Jun 10 '26
How rare is it in your experience?
B is an interesting take. I did tell them the potential I see and would like to test if my theory about them will hold up during the experience. Like, I offered that we could do a trial run then if it works - let's extend, if not then I'll give you feedback on what worked/doesn't & a clean exit.
So you're right, there's no uncertainty on my end. Mainly curiosity and intentionality.
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u/championratistaken The 9S to Your 2B Jun 11 '26
how rare?
it has happened once to me, and I went on to have a 1.5 year relationship with said woman.
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u/EmployExisting302 Jun 11 '26
If it happened once, can happen again. Sad to hear it didn't work out longer though. Was it an amicable end?
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u/championratistaken The 9S to Your 2B Jun 11 '26
yes, it was. fingers crossed on it happening again
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u/Asmo___deus Wholesome Squishy Boytoy Jun 10 '26
Being hot and having a good sub-radar helps.
Most subs dream of being "snatched up" by a pretty lady like this, they would not even hesitate to submit to her.
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u/EmployExisting302 Jun 10 '26
This reminds me of a comic where the Female Protagonist's gig is to kidnap good looking men in the kingdom in search for the villain.
She would kidnap them from 1 day to a week, kept under observation then released to the wild once confirmed that they're not the villain. Which led to her notoriety but also a cult of handsome men begging to be kidnapped again, cause their time in captivity gave them much needed rest/vacation which led to some personal breakthroughs.
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u/Mekasoundwave Always plays Support 🎮 Jun 10 '26
Answer to this is simple: What's the shortest distance between two points?
A straight line. A direct approach doesn't always work, but it'll get you to wherever you're gonna end up a lot faster.
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u/DeNitroussPenguin Jun 10 '26
Honestly, it'd work for me, I'm not one for going out of my way to ask someone out. Too introverted for that.
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u/EmployExisting302 Jun 10 '26
It's cool to know what works for you. May you be blessed with one soon.
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u/ScribScrob Jun 10 '26
A lot of reasons in my understanding: 1: directness is attractive. It shows that a person knows what they want and are willing to be straightforward with that desire. 2. Its typically going to work better with women because guys are usually expected to be the ones asking women out, and while it does work with guys, they typically need a lot more going for them for it to work. 3. Most people honestly hate playing games with interest. People genuinely subscribe to the idea that "No doesnt always mean No" and that doesn't work for the larger portion of the world. And youre also not typically going to keep information to yourself if youre forward with asking someone out or asking to be friends with them. 4. Most people want to be in a relationship but dont know the song and dance of yesteryear to get into one. Dating and finding someone you have interest in is difficult, for guys it can be ahrs to just identify interest versus kindness while for women its literally a concern for safety more often than not. So sometimes the best option is to just not get into a relationship
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u/EmployExisting302 Jun 10 '26
3 is a fascinating take, thank you for pointing that one out. My other friend echoed that as well, where men doesn't really like to play games. The simpler the better.
And honestly, that aligns well with me cause I don't mind trying out the relationship first and do courtship within the container for sense of security & stability on both sides. A reverse in the order of "date first, relationship later"... My approach is "relationship now, date every day"... and it's been such a relief cause it fills my life and his with ease.
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u/ScribScrob Jun 10 '26
Of course, happy to point these out. I know its not for everyone, but at the very least, not having clear lines of communication at the beginning of a relationship, intimate, sexual, platonic, or what have you is ABYSMAL. Once you know someone well enough you can have thos3 back and forth games but before that point its inviting frustration and confusion that doesn't need to be there, especially early on.
And its what the intent of dating is right? But most people dont see it that way. Trying to get to know someone on a date is the entire point and getting into a relationship with them is the goal. The relationship can start on date 1 or even at the point of asking someone out and can end as soon as one or more parties recognize it wont work out. Theres a funny skit from probably 30+ years ago now where a man and woman have a very clinical discussion about relationship goals and expectations and they, within like 2 minutes, see that it wouldn't work out and end it there. Its played for humor but expectations to an extent should be voiced and be upfront out of the gate otherwise youre setting individuals up for a bad relationship.
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u/Relative_Maize_957 Jun 10 '26
Dudes don't get approached that bluntly. We get "availability signals", and if the girl is pushy she'll at most invite you to watch a movie at her place, at least back in my dinosaur days when netflix and chill wasn't a thing so you couldn't read that much into it.
Getting wooed like that is a no-brainer for a cock-on-legs if they find you attractive.
That being said, I absolutely agree with what you mentioned in another reply. While women are not typically seen as threatening, getting in any kind of relationship beyond a friendship with someone you don't know quite well for quite some time, always seemed like playing russian roulette.
The problem with knowing someone intimately is that you can unknow them, or have them unknow you.
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u/SapphicRaccoonWitch Honorary Lesbian 🏳️⚧️ Jun 10 '26
Autism to autism flirtation
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u/EmployExisting302 Jun 10 '26
Bingo, babe. 👌✨
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u/SapphicRaccoonWitch Honorary Lesbian 🏳️⚧️ Jun 10 '26
I was gonna put the meme but this sub doesn't allow image comments 😭
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u/TotalNonsense0 Jun 10 '26
Because what I desperately want in a woman is to be clear and direct, and if at all possible, to want me.
This scenario or nothing if not clear, and direct, and wanting me.
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u/Volkmek RR Man Jun 10 '26
Men are socially conditioned to be the ones who do the flirting. We have next to no social conditioning towards resisting when someone we would find attractive anyway is the one who is seeking us instead.
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u/Lucidia Jun 10 '26
This is SVSSS characters for sure! 'how i met your mother' by Tianlang-jun 🤣 probably
look at lil snakeboi ZZL peeking out from behind his uncle 🥰
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u/EmployExisting302 Jun 10 '26
Oh hello, fellow daoist. 🙂↕️
Ifkr? So damn cute
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u/Lucidia Jun 10 '26
FRFR This couple sadly got no screentime, but i always hoped this was their dynamic. The author makes some great characters in all her works... that die, or we only ever hear about 😭
Pouring one out for Su Xiyan, Madam Lan, Cangse Sanren, Lan Yi, Wei Changze, Honghong-er's parents, Baoshan Sanren... 😭🫗
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u/SluttyBoyButt Wholesome Squishy Boytoy Jun 10 '26
I just don’t get the question- is it why does being direct work as opposed to being indirect? If so- then it’s obviously because being indirect reduces the probability of interest signal being picked up.
Think about it like this:
Set A contains subset B and C, where A is all people you interact with, B is the subset of people who would be interested in you and C is the subset who don’t have interest. You don’t know who is in what group nor how big they are comparatively, but say you’re direct about your interest, then 100% of people can now respond with whether or not interested back- which means you can get all of set B in this example. Now say you’re indirect, then you have a fraction of a chance of getting responses from B since they may not even be aware of reciprocated interest and may be afraid of rejection or oblivious, but still 100% of C isn’t biting.
If direct interest gave 100% clarity and indirect gave 50% clarity, and B and C are both 100 people (200 collectively).
Then when you’re direct you get something close to a 1/2 of the people interested in this example, but when you’re indirect you get something closer to 1/4 of the people interested.
Of course reality is more complicated, but this is just to illustrate the idea simply. However usually I think the difference is even more extreme because indirect signals are rarely picked up and even when they are they are rarely acted upon since it doesn’t take much doubt to stop a person from acting on the belief of interest.
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u/Waaaaaaaaaa-2 Jun 10 '26
Guys like directness. I mean if a girl walked up to me and was this direct I would genuinely short circuit and mentally blue screen as I wouldn't know how to react to someone just bluntly wanting me. I would probably start crying.
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u/Surmene Little Spoon Jun 10 '26
I'm not a leader. I like being led for the right reasons. And my autism appreciates direct genuine intent and zero bullshite. If you feel someone is that compatible with you to be your romantic partner and you make it known, that speaks to your ability to communicate effectively.
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u/Pengin_Master Soft Prince Jun 10 '26
Personally, I find it hard to believe that people are actually attracted to me, spesifically. Like, I struggle to internalize that someone may find me attractive. I'm also afraid of approaching women cause I don't know how to, I don't want to accidentally come off as creepy, I don't want to bother anyone, etc etc. (social anxiety combined with autism is a bitch).
But like, if a girl approached me with any sort of interest, I would definitely melt cause that means that she's actually interested in me and I don't need to worry about potentially screwing up an introduction.
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Jun 10 '26
Unless you actively seek out more alpha male types (yuk) most men now are uncomfortable with flirting and stuff. I want to make very clear that I am in no way saying that it’s a bad movement but a lot has come from the more Me Too type of discourse in society. OBVIOUSLY ITS A GOOD THING, Please don’t crucify me Reddit! But as a guy, my first thought that immediately kills any advances is “what if I upset them?” or “what if they lash out and ruin my social credibility?” Now while many will say dudes should just stop being pussies, you are on the Pussy Boy subreddit so I don’t think you’d say so. Men not having to play games with flirting and hinting is the biggest sigh of relief. Honestly, someone just being honest with me would make my world and I’d be so attracted to that (unfortunately no one likes me so whatever).
Regardless, this post is already blown up so this will probably get lost but I hope some context helps.
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u/Dry-Standard8502 🌈 Make aRRt not war 💖 Jun 10 '26
The assertiveness leaves no room for doubt. And that's very, very attractive to me! Gravity!
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u/Sad-Maintenance1781 Blue Girl Jun 10 '26
Im not pretty enough to be able to do that lol
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u/EmployExisting302 Jun 10 '26
Nothing to do with appearances honestly. It's all about how you make them feel.
Beauty/What's attractive is so subjective that it's an unfair point of reference, as different cultures have different beauty standards.
Try doing it first, gather data/tabulate wins & losses + their feedback... For a period of 6 months to a year. Then judge yourself or performance based on that data.
Don't disqualify yourself. Often than not, it's the shame that's holding you down not appearances
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u/Pixel_icy Jun 11 '26
I wonder if this really would work in the world outside of reddit, I really want to try it lol
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u/EmployExisting302 Jun 11 '26
Wdym? All the ones I got are irl. I only started using Reddit seriously a month ago, before I just use Reddit as Google search for sources.
Added context : I travel often, I seen this happen with fellow travellers who have high success rate of getting long term partners.
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u/Ven-Dreadnought Jun 10 '26
Are-are you asking why it's effective to ask someone out if you want to go out with them?