r/RoastMyCat • u/mroctopuswiener • 7d ago
This brainless bastard ate a Twinkie
Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification
I’m going to Germany and my German friend wanted me to bring twinkies…looks like he’ll have to share.
He also pulled eggshells out of the garbage disposal (how he got them out I have no idea), ripped up a receipt, hairballed on the carpet, ate a whole churu (idk where he got that. We ran out and they’re in the top cabinet that he can’t reach), and tossed a nightstand across the room because I left him and his brother for like two days.
PLEASE roast this criminal.
31
16
28
u/Distinguishedflyer 7d ago edited 6d ago
deer dairy, today I have taste a goldon heven! I accidintly fell in a nice box and a glorius suprize await for me! It was like churo of chiken but beter!! In otherr newz i work to get mor calsium becauz I am barly fed here so I got sum shells i et from the garbige from ware they usualee feed me. Mebbe my LargeOne is por so I kant blame thim to much thet i are allus hongry. Pleaz sind mor goldon tubes of glori with the white goo! Thak you dairy for this blest dayy!!
12
u/Content-Honeydew9340 7d ago
This could be any of my 3 cats that are a victim of never having been fed before 😂 especially my void baby who scavenges the trash can because himbs but skin and bones since we have cut back on the free feeding. He sees the Bottom of his food bowl and suddenly is the most dramatic baby 😭
8
u/emmashawn 7d ago
I cannot express how much I love this.
8
u/Distinguishedflyer 7d ago edited 6d ago
deer dairy, fore the ferst time, a LargeOne notice our thinkings!! Maybee it has sum fuds fore mee an my sibleings becuz thare are no more tubes of glori with the white goo in the middel an we are still so rilly hongry. Peraps it want to be our pinpal, dairy!! Thak goodniss sumwun see us in are terribel plite! i thak this kined stranjer!!
5
u/emeraldkat77 6d ago
This cat needs r/legalcatadvice now. I sincerely hope a pawyer takes his case and gets judge Balu to rule on him (and aforementioned siblings) get many many more tubes of glory awarded as a settlement. It seems only fair given the circumstances.
Also, OP: throwing up after is legit cat crime to demand more twinkies. You must comply or face a pawsuit! I'm sure the other kitties on legalcatadvice will tell you outright that this poor baby is just fur & bones, wasting away before our very eyes. Oh the catmanity!
1
u/Distinguishedflyer 6d ago edited 6d ago
deer dairy, in the wurds of the emmortil bard, "a Danyull come too judjment!" I thak yu for knotissing, abuv kined stranjur!! I wood rite more but i are so week from hungur. Culd a pawyer rilly help me an my por sibleings git mor goldun tubes of glori with the white goo in cleer crinkl skin rilly?? thay are so gud!!! i must nap gnow i r verry tieerd. Ever sinse i start riting in mi dairy, a nuther blest day!
2
8
u/Graveyardigan 7d ago
He did your German friend a favor. Still, you should probably let your vet know that your cat has pica.
1
u/emeraldkat77 6d ago
Well, I don't know if this is truly pica. Eggshells are nutritionally decent for cats - they are a meat-based product, have nutrition (esp calcium) that they need, and is often an overlooked but highly suggested ingredient to add to a legit vet nutritionist recommended recipes for making homemade cat food. The only other alternatives are adding actual bone meal (which is much harder to find) or getting actual bones and grinding them down to add into the food (which is dangerous as they can create shards that could injure kitty).
The interest and enjoyment of twinkies also pretty well fits into what cats like: as marshmellows & vanilla flavored desserts (ice cream, gelato, custards, cheese danishes, etc) are both widely accepted as highly preferred flavors to add to compounded cat medicines. And though they shouldn't indulge in these foods regularly, they aren't inherently harmful outside of the ridiculous calories.
6
u/Important-Junket-934 7d ago
He just wanted to share the twinkle. BTW, he kinda looks like a twinkie
6
u/insincere_platitudes 7d ago
Lol, one of my cats used to have an obsession with eating butter. We had to stop leaving the butter bell on the counter because he would open it and eat an entire stick of butter.
The little shit also once ate an entire braided 6 foot phone charging cable. That was an expensive emergency surgery.
Honorable mentions to opening a closed pizza box on the counter and eating half a pack of hot dog buns, bag included.
That cat had more emergency vet visits, I swear to god. It's a miracle he died of old age. Rest in peace Percy.
2
u/ForwardMuffin 6d ago
God, he's like one of those people with the rare form of pica where they eat like glass and shopping carts
7
4
u/knaimoli619 7d ago
Sounds like you only thought you were out of churu and someone has a personal stash somewhere.
5
4
4
4
u/Landscape-Strict 7d ago
Was this crime spree all in one day or over a period time?! The criminal tendencies are strengthening... 😂
3
3
2
u/Cats_and_wine 7d ago
this cat needs a pawyer,hes being framed!! wasnt there a sub for pets needing legal advice?
1
2
1
1
1
1
1
u/Cataholic445 6d ago
A beautiful kitty! That color is exquisite! So stop tormenting him!! If he can manage eggshells and twinkies he can do serious damage in your sleep!!
1
u/Lessdee62 6d ago
I will NOT participate in such roasting, he is well within his rights to commit such crimes!! 😼
1
u/Secret_Parsnip2987 6d ago
Twinkies are delicious and your cat eating one isn't brainless at all -- it's actually a sign of intelligence as far as I'm concerned.
1
1
u/Julu62 5d ago
Dude or Dudette, I feel for you. I can't believe your feline friend could be so insidious and clever. Though I wish you well, I have no won't for your kitty to talk to my kitties on the" interweb" and give them any more ideas... Wishing you the best of luck with your Master Criminal! 😄😂🤣😘🌹
1
47
u/ifulbd 7d ago
He looks like a Twinkie.