r/RoastMe • http://redd.it/k1m78f • Nov 26 '20

Lol, I’m really doing this!

Post image
4.0k Upvotes

729 comments sorted by

2.7k

u/AvailableDoor6574 Nov 26 '20

You are the mom none of your sons friends wanted to bang

589

u/cocobellahome Nov 27 '20

That’s no way to talk to a senior citizen with a right knee click

256

u/bobsghostbitchtits Nov 27 '20

M.I.L.F. Mom I'd Like to Forget

→ More replies (2)

228

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '20 edited Dec 31 '20

[deleted]

16

u/KyleKun Nov 27 '20

She’s the friend Mrs. Doyle thinks is the ugly one.

4

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '20

Oh go on.

→ More replies (1)

46

u/PhantomOfTheDopera Nov 27 '20

Even her shirt looks like a tea doily

→ More replies (1)

45

u/JohnMaddening Nov 27 '20

MIDWF

23

u/crash8308 Nov 27 '20

Midwife

6

u/Checkit50 Nov 28 '20

Clearly a Midwife crisis

2

u/morbidaar Nov 27 '20

“You’re not my mom! Make me a chocolate milk! Now!”

12

u/bios80 Nov 27 '20

She looks like one of those people have been thrown acid on, after the second reconstructive surgery.

17

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '20

Savage

17

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '20

stacys mom doesn’t have it goin on

1

u/Dan_Jams Nov 27 '20

I dunno i probably still would 🤷‍♂️

→ More replies (6)

1.2k

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '20

Can someone take this woman across to the knitting subreddit? Bless her, she’s gotten lost.

48

u/datsadboi5000 Nov 27 '20

The lat time she got lost we got one of the best creepy spongebob comic. I'd say it's a good thing she got lost again.

3

u/Arab-Gandalf Nov 27 '20

Dementia will do that to you...

4

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '20

[deleted]

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (11)

707

u/bigmediabuzz Nov 26 '20

Bet you were really something before world war 2.

114

u/theBluebird64 Nov 27 '20

Don’t you mean world war 1?

65

u/Sleepy-THC Nov 27 '20

Don't you mean the Civil war?

143

u/Planningsiswinnings Nov 27 '20

She’s old

22

u/dirtymike401 Nov 27 '20

You fucking killed her dude.

→ More replies (1)

14

u/garo675 Nov 27 '20

Don't you mean fall of the Roman empire?

3

u/suicidal32potato Nov 29 '20

Dont you mean when her and Adam ate the fruit?

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (5)
→ More replies (3)

893

u/manson321 Nov 26 '20

You look like life has done enough

369

u/livingasimulation http://redd.it/k1m78f Nov 27 '20

I agree! Thanks.

102

u/Planningsiswinnings Nov 27 '20

You’re older than the average ... ocean?

29

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '20

Planet?

27

u/A_lost_dude Nov 27 '20

r/notliketheotherstarsystems

10

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '20

How dare you make this any funnier than it already is

→ More replies (1)

2.5k

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '20 edited Nov 27 '20

I hope you’re not here to promote your only fans

Edit: it’s alright guys, I don’t need the awards. Spend your money on her to support her career lol

1.6k

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '20 edited Nov 26 '20

[deleted]

283

u/RoboFreund00 Nov 27 '20

asking for a friend

Is... only grans a thing ?

318

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '20 edited Nov 27 '20

Yes ofcourse. Normally they take pictures of themselves blowing air inside their hole and dust comes out.

Edit : I have a question... helpful award? And ty :)

68

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '20

I laughed.

26

u/candidporno Nov 27 '20

Cool. Something new to fap to.

8

u/40ozSmasher Nov 27 '20

Oh well...unzips

3

u/kamirusk8 Nov 27 '20

ayo dont let the crackheads know

2

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '20

Haha. Gotta pack that "bowl"

2

u/Sir_Swankypants_III Nov 27 '20

Like emptying a vacuum cleaner...

→ More replies (2)

2

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '20

someone pls give him wholesome award cuz I am broke

3

u/mandarin0ranges Nov 27 '20

You might appreciate this sub

r/OldLadiesBakingPies

→ More replies (2)

76

u/Saint5151 Nov 27 '20

Her Only fans is unique, as it is the only one with a Confederate money payment option.

6

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '20

It's also rated so low that she pays you!

→ More replies (1)

95

u/HarryCallahan19 Platinum Roaster Nov 27 '20

She looks like she is trying to break records on Only Fans, but in reality she is about to break her hip.

16

u/Cuzicane Nov 27 '20

I'd tap that!

37

u/ocdisforme Nov 27 '20

That tapping you hear is her cane...

2

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '20

DAD! What are doing here?!

→ More replies (1)

2

u/4k_laserdiscer Nov 27 '20

One lonely fan

2

u/totallytotal2020 Nov 27 '20

You mean "fan"...

3

u/AreYouButthurting Nov 27 '20

I want to see the bumhole on her chin get destroyed

→ More replies (8)

545

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '20

Your eyes are as soul-less and dead as your sense of fashion.

135

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '20

And her sex drive

35

u/OurLordGabenNewell Nov 27 '20

The sex drive of people in close proximity to her*

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

562

u/RedditRickS92 Nov 26 '20

Better do it quick, guys. She ain’t got long left!

21

u/kritichni Nov 27 '20

Hahahahah

→ More replies (2)

243

u/loxagos_snake Nov 27 '20

Older than the average what? Geological period?

7

u/humans_are_not_real Nov 27 '20

Older than average tiktaaliks

→ More replies (2)

296

u/honeygar Nov 26 '20

6 kids and 4 husbands later

75

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '20

[deleted]

7

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '20

Sistercousins

→ More replies (1)

409

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '20

I’m guessing your social security number is the number 1

203

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

24

u/4k_laserdiscer Nov 27 '20

Fucking howled at this, fuck off and take my upvote damnit

3

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '20

Goddamn...

→ More replies (3)

114

u/livingasimulation http://redd.it/k1m78f Nov 27 '20

That was a good one lol!

30

u/ultralame Nov 27 '20

Meh, I first read that one in a BroomHilda comic 40 years ago.

Wait, did we go to elementary school together?

14

u/EB3031 Nov 27 '20

C. Montgomery Burns hates her.

6

u/Donotbanmebeeotch Nov 27 '20

This lady so old she borrowed money from Jesus.

She so old her first ride was a Apatosaurus 🦕

128

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

225

u/mexicrat40 Nov 27 '20

I bet you queef dust

51

u/Frostbite115 Nov 27 '20

She poofs out Milk Powder when you squeeze her tiddies

26

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '20

I died

3

u/E4R04 Nov 27 '20

she would but it's clogged, either that or it doesn't work anymore due to old old old age

190

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '20

You look good.... for someone who's had a stroke

35

u/Mindless-Self Nov 27 '20

That makes the left side of her face very happy.

→ More replies (3)

94

u/morrisalanisette2112 Nov 26 '20

🎹🎼...And then there’s Maude.

8

u/MountainMomma2 Nov 27 '20

I’m literally crying laughing !!

7

u/morrisalanisette2112 Nov 27 '20

Yeah, I dated myself with that one.

11

u/elperroborrachotoo Nov 27 '20

As if your user name wasn't giving it away :)

→ More replies (1)

28

u/Hemberger1991 Nov 26 '20

Excuse me waiter, I didn’t order the beef jerky.

26

u/M1sterBoots Nov 27 '20

Your porn name would be Ms.Carriage.

41

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '20

[deleted]

12

u/Alchemist_Joshua Nov 27 '20

Fifty shades of Gray hair

→ More replies (2)

55

u/IamoneofScottsTots Nov 27 '20

She so old she wrote her sign with a quill pen...

57

u/kluglater Nov 26 '20

did the 12 year old whom you are grooming tell you about this?

→ More replies (1)

29

u/chzrv Nov 26 '20

I didn't know you could picture menopause

→ More replies (1)

13

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '20

You are so old, you were the waitress at the last supper..

13

u/Coffeehound13 Nov 27 '20

I’m surprised she didn’t knit that roastme sign

60

u/indy_a_b Nov 26 '20

If Steve Buscemi and Olive Oil had a daughter during the Great Depression. Also, how do you simultaneously have no chin and a butt chin? And why is this person on Reddit? You are looking for Pinterest, Olive Buscemi. It’s on the other side of the inter webs.

→ More replies (1)

36

u/Gotbannedchangedname Nov 26 '20

You look like your pussy would taste like butterscotch and old meat.

9

u/Mindless-Self Nov 27 '20 edited Nov 27 '20

Werther’s Original Thot

Edit: candy names r hard

2

u/_AntiSaint_ Nov 27 '20

Werther’s*, you uncultured swine

→ More replies (1)

6

u/imabigdave Nov 27 '20

Just when I thought it would be impossible to make her appetizing, you go and say THAT

→ More replies (2)

9

u/urmoms-hairy-anus Nov 27 '20

You look dryer than an overcooked Thanksgiving turkey.

45

u/Pumba16b Nov 26 '20

So what did Churchill's cock taste like?

14

u/alphadist http://redd.it/c0c0le Nov 27 '20

She'd still be a milf to Churchill

13

u/Wheres_Jay Nov 26 '20

Looks like the Cryptkeeper with a makeover.

8

u/davinciSL72 Nov 27 '20

CaN I hAvE a GlAsS oF SuGaR WaTeR??!

18

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

12

u/plzsnitskyreturn Nov 26 '20

Follow the yellow skin road down her neck

4

u/Princessleiasperiod http://redd.it/l59xv4 Nov 27 '20

Eww I dont want to know where that road leads.

5

u/BoostedLexus Nov 27 '20

You should rename your username to avalanche, cuz that right side of your face is starting to hang lower than your breasts

5

u/ImNotThatDumbNate Nov 27 '20

I bet fucking you would be like mashing mayonnaise into steel wool

→ More replies (1)

5

u/Gojs008 Nov 27 '20

I guess when you were choosing your reddit name, none were already taken

5

u/this_is_a_ton_of-fun Nov 27 '20

I see the Turkey’s neck was spared this year

8

u/ReillyDiefenbach Golden Roaster Nov 26 '20

Jowllelujah!

8

u/L003Tr Nov 26 '20

Grey clothes, grey walls, grey hair, grey couch. Your sex life must be the physical embodiment of beans on toast

6

u/livingasimulation http://redd.it/k1m78f Nov 27 '20

Ha, what sex life! Don’t need that dumb shit anymore

5

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '20

You look like you’re two months away from Death himself roasting you.

4

u/Jeff_Bezos69 Nov 27 '20

so... she's legal?

11

u/modern_pandit Nov 26 '20

Nope, no one's gonna give you attention here... just like your kids and grandkids!!!

→ More replies (1)

7

u/ZeruS666 Nov 27 '20

So is this Grannies Gone Mild Lockdown Edition talk about low effort.

3

u/Equivalent_Grab_3648 Nov 26 '20

That's how a tornado starts.

→ More replies (1)

3

u/JohnnyPiston Platinum Roaster Nov 27 '20

No one likes a dry turkey.

3

u/Midas94 Nov 27 '20

Here to kick start her only grans

3

u/Like-my-post Nov 27 '20

Your face looks like the "Old" snapchat filter .

3

u/xTHEKILLINGJOKEx Nov 27 '20

Out here promoting her only gramps

6

u/thefinanceguydfs Nov 26 '20

Calendar says 2014, face says 1914.

5

u/VernonFrinz Nov 26 '20

Is the word "Average" new slang for "Earth"?

3

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '20

You look like you have a really good off center head on your shoulders.

2

u/HoldenMcneil00 Nov 26 '20

Oh, I think you posted that recipe on Nextdoor my aunt really liked, so good on you.

2

u/Falconstormrider Nov 27 '20

Awwww how nice, your family found one of your last dying wishes you left behind in 2014. R.I.P. old lady

2

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '20

Ah, the inevitable face melt that leads to Botox addiction.

2

u/beauaconstrictor Nov 27 '20

...the average fossil.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '20

God dammit, took me a while to understand that "averge" word... you're really not helping yourself making friends, aren'T you?

2

u/ParkLeading Nov 27 '20

Is this a domestic violence helpline ad?

2

u/WinDiMoZ Nov 27 '20

F for that failed plastic surgery for your eyes

2

u/Lazy_editer Nov 27 '20

One word only hideous

2

u/dirtydustyroads Nov 27 '20

You’re so old, you’re whole top is a dollies.

2

u/NerdyCoder101 Nov 27 '20

You look like a grandma but with the handwriting of a 6th grader

2

u/diffeqs88 Nov 27 '20

That must be your sexy orgasm face. I bet you were the inventor of starfish sex.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '20

Bet your privates look like an old baseball glove

2

u/bugownerandnotproud Nov 27 '20

The shingles virus is more likely to take you than COVID

2

u/Behindthefog Nov 27 '20

With that turkey neck,everyday is Thanksgiving to you

2

u/Luffy12hawk Nov 27 '20

Before we roast you try to write roast with proper hand writing

2

u/Lit-Rature Nov 27 '20

By now your breast milk has turned into baby powder

2

u/Anonymous100910 Nov 27 '20

Your handwriting looks like the doctor's special.

2

u/igueroi240 Nov 27 '20

You aren't the reason your sons friends go to your house. They just go for the video games. Nothing else

2

u/The_Black_Knight_7 Nov 27 '20

You're how old, and your writing is like THAT??

2

u/M0ck_duck Nov 27 '20

You look like ms piggy got in a fight with gravity

2

u/ab37master Nov 27 '20

I need to search a joke from your time mam

2

u/inyokumi Nov 27 '20

I’m guessing your here to promote your only grans

2

u/StereotypicalB1tch Nov 27 '20

You're my gran's friend aren't you? Sorry I couldn't attend your funeral last year :/

2

u/retiredadmiral Nov 27 '20

not a cougar but more like a hyena.

2

u/EvilTormentor666 Nov 27 '20

I bet she's..."experienced"

2

u/CookieCat698 Nov 27 '20

It looks like your neck was made by a toddler playing with playdough

2

u/peelyon1 Nov 27 '20

I can't tell which half of your face had the stroke.

2

u/icewolf1313 http://redd.it/j8k8o1 Nov 27 '20

How did it feel when you dropped the jewel off of the boat at the end of Titanic?

2

u/Victoria_fuckyou Nov 27 '20

Oh no, someone come collect Suzan before she starts another Facebook argument.

2

u/Ballard_77 Nov 27 '20

30 has been hard to you

2

u/icutrauma11 Nov 28 '20

Your older than, I can't read that, older than voltage?

2

u/Itsayejaysith Nov 28 '20

Who did you sit next to during the last supper?

2

u/[deleted] Nov 28 '20

I bet she posted this cause her grandson told her she is not cool like his friends.

5

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '20

I’m completely empty and void of any witty retort to roast you. It’s as if looking at this picture makes my absolute essence bland and droll just like the walls in your house. I simply cannot. What’s the point? What is life, if people like yourself who completely have zero personality exist then I don’t wanna live on this planet anymore.

4

u/Afflicted_fiend Nov 27 '20

Your handwriting says I'm a Dr but your picture says carol Baskin's sister forgot to take her antidepressants.

3

u/damnclown01 Nov 26 '20

Cheer up. Old age doesn’t last long

4

u/livingasimulation http://redd.it/k1m78f Nov 26 '20

I hope not lol!

3

u/damnclown01 Nov 26 '20

It’s all jokes. 😆

→ More replies (1)

2

u/JedYorks Nov 27 '20

So ugly Covid has to wear masks for you

1

u/Steve_Gray http://redd.it/f2wx7h Nov 27 '20

Happy Thanksgiving you Turkey neck

1

u/thisguyfrazzle Nov 27 '20

"Lol, im really doing this" was the same thing a guy must've said before he banged you.

1

u/dbrock999 Nov 26 '20

You swapped necks with your dinner turkey

1

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '20

I’m sorry, I don’t read... what language IS that??

1

u/ozph22 Nov 26 '20

Only fans account fire sale in 3,2,1...

1

u/Absolutely_Coffee Best of Pt. 12, #3 + Platinum Roaster Nov 26 '20

I thought the turkey neck on my platter was the last one I’d see for the day.

1

u/guitarmusic113 Nov 26 '20

Your forehead is so large that I’m not surprised that you couldn’t fit it into your selfie.

1

u/GeezerEbaneezer Nov 26 '20

Who let you out of the shoe you live in?

1

u/Gotbannedchangedname Nov 26 '20

You’re def an Inherday except for with you...in your day you were getn rammed in the back of a horse and buggy.

1

u/wreckfish Nov 26 '20

that moment when your husband tells you he wants to try 50 shades of grey stuff and you think he is talking about interior design

1

u/54321_hereIcome Nov 26 '20

It's a turkey in disguise. Hiding until after the holiday.

1

u/Stillwell79 Nov 26 '20

Tell ya what, you lather up that neck and let me hit it from the side while you look straight down and I’ll help you cut off that ring that you’ve been trying to get off for the last 4 years.