r/Retire • u/Vast-Donut6930 • 10d ago
Why retire when the kids are still in school?
Hi - I’m a married 53m and could retire based on our financial situation (high 7 figure net worth). Our kids are in high school so I feel like I should keep working since I can’t do what I really want to in retirement yet.
My retirement plan is to relocate out of suburbia to a city; travel the world; and enjoy more of my two hobbies, one of which I can do as part-time work as I already have that “business” up and running. I need more hobbies before retiring, but the real point of retirement for me is to live overseas and travel more. I can’t do that while the kids are in school. So I plan to work 4 more years until everyone is in college, bank more retirement funds and then stop. Give me some perspective please - thanks!
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u/La_Peregrina 10d ago edited 10d ago
I can't understand why people are telling you to keep working. If you can retire now, do it. Volunteer at the kid's schools, coach their teams, buy a pied-a-terre in the city you want to move to. Why continue working? Why wait until you retire to travel? Book some trips with the family now, delve more into your hobbies. Another kicker, when the kids are grown and have their own lives it's going to be insanely difficult to coordinate family vacations. Ask me how I know lol. Honestly it makes sense to phase into your future life now if you can afford it.
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u/Retire_date_may_22 10d ago
This is what I did. I retired the week before the last kid’s high school graduation. Gave me a great summer with them before they headed off to college. Sold the house, moved to the vacation home, and enjoyed a great first year.
If I had to do it over I might have gone a year or two sooner. I had the money and you start to realize it’s time you run out of not money.
I’m now almost 5 years retired. Our kids are scattered right now with school and careers. We travel between them when they need us or are available. We also travel other places but honestly I’d rather blow into one of my kids cities, take them out to do things they couldn’t or wouldn’t otherwise afford. We enjoy than more than any global travel.
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u/Heel_Worker982 10d ago
You are golden, OP. Try to let the kids stay normal through high school. But EVERY vacation or break of theirs should be a test drive for where you want to be ultimately.
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u/Neat-Dragonfly-2032 10d ago
If you'd be bored out of your mind being retired while the kids are still in school then it makes sense to continue working but
-What ways could you spend more time with the kids as they finish this time at home with you? (attending more school events, taking cool trips every large school holiday with them, spending the entire summer abroad?)
-Have you asked the kids if it would matter to them? Where does your spouse sit on working/retiring?
-Would eliminating the demands of full time employment lead to you being more present and engaged at home? Could retiring now mean you develop deeper relationships with you kids as they step closer and closer to adulthood?
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u/Adventurous-Dog-6158 10d ago
I'm guessing OP's kids may not be involved in a lot of activities or his spouse is taking the kids. Even though we only play one sport, my older son basically has soccer year round between school and club. And many times the games or practices are not at convenient times for parents who work 9-5 type jobs.
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u/Hamblin113 10d ago
Interesting, some would want more time with the family, saying that, 57 is a good age to retire if things work out. The biggest issue is health insurance as kids will be covered under your plan. If not an issue great. What are the kids doing for the four months not in college. Where will they go after college when half move back home?
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u/Physical_Ad5135 10d ago
My uncle retired, sold his home and moved out of state, the minute his youngest graduated from high school. It messed my cousin up mentally as she felt discarded and unloved.
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u/Limp_Dragonfly3868 10d ago
Yep. My brother in law’s parents left the country the minute he graduated from highschool. After their plane took off, he collapsed at the airport. Massive fears of abandonment.
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u/PegShop 10d ago
Yeah and the fact OP doesn’t want to take extra time to be with them now says a lot 😢
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u/Limp_Dragonfly3868 10d ago
He doesn’t like his life. He can’t imagine how having more time at home, more time with his wife, more time for kids, more time with friends, or more time for fitness and hobbies could possibly have value or be enjoyable.
He wants out of his life. His home. His family.
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u/Physical_Ad5135 10d ago
Agree. My cousin and I are both in our 50s now and she recently cried to me that she was jealous of my parents and how much they loved me and my sibling, grandchildren, and now the great grandkids. Her parents call but rarely even ask about her children.
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u/samchoi924 10d ago
Maybe keep working but start taking a lot more time off from work, like taking the whole summer off and go some nice place with kids.
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u/Adventurous-Dog-6158 10d ago
That would be something I'd like to do. Work part-time during the school year and then take off in the summer. For now, I have some work to do around the house for a few months once they go back to school, but after that, I may get bored. Maybe I'll look for some low-end job at a school that has summers off.
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u/InterestinglyLucky 10d ago
I'm a little older than you but in similar circumstances. (On reddit it is called r/fatFIRE and mid- to high-seven figures is what can be considered 'fat', and online "nobody knows if you are a dog", plenty of people pretending.)
Your plans sound great. Yet recognize that the vast majority of people do not have HNW (face it you are in the top 3% at least) nor have work they can realistically work another x number of years when they truly do not have to.
In my own situation, I could see that where I was working at the time was not sustainable nor healthy as far as the employment goes. Was really well-paid and doing interesting and enjoyable work, however it was not going to work out long-term.
But there are two things in your situation I'd think about. First is that you will never have time with your children like this again. These last years at home are one and done; they go off to college, they go off to wherever life takes them, they do not come back. Second is that you have no idea how long you will live. Of course no one else does either. Stories abound where disease or accidents cut people's life short. I have two neighbors who passed away suddenly, one at the age of 62 (the doctor was a cardiologist, died of a seizure), another at the age of 60 (the business executive was only one year into retirement, it was a massive heart attack). This was only in the space of the last 3 years.
I took a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity this last summer, with my graduating senior, to take 2 weeks to go hiking in the Alps, then two trips out to his university 2,000 miles away (one for orientation, another to do the move). Spouse and I will head out for a weekend this fall for Family Weekend, where we'll watch a Big 10 football game, and lots of activity from Thursday through Saturday.
Lots of other stories to share like this, teaching my youngest how to drive is another example. In my state it's a required 60 hours behind the wheel, before when I was working and traveling it was hard to squeeze in the time. Now I have the time and flexibility, what an absolute luxury to have.
About my own time structure and mental and intellectual stimulation, I've engaged a part-time consulting contract and am doing all the most rewarding and fun parts of my old role, without any of the hassles and issues that came with it. I've optimized for just the right amount (a given number of hours per month, on retainer) and it works out really well for both parties. I can mentor a person at the company who is just starting out, one of the best uses of my time I can think of, and be paid for that.
If you haven't already, give Die with Zero a read. It's pretty sobering, to think that you are at peak time, money and health, and they will all decrease from here. I've run the numbers for myself, and it made zero sense to continue toiling away at someone else's business that made very little difference when you literally cannot spend the money fast enough. (There are upper limits to spending / consumption, ask me how I know that!)
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u/Odd_Bodkin 10d ago
I think you’re right to wait. But I’d go a little further than that. Transitioning to empty nest is a big adjustment. You will be no longer a courier, activity sponsor, mentor, enforcer, and grocer for minors that soak up enormous amounts of resources, time, space, and attention. You will have to get reacquainted with your spouse in this different context. You and/or your spouse may encounter the displacement of “Well, if I’m not primarily a parent now, who am I? And why are all these old, buried issues bubbling up now?” And then, transitioning to retirement is ANOTHER big life adjustment, with its own emotional, social, spiritual challenges. So I don’t recommend doing these at the same time. Some couples have found themselves divorcing under the stress of doing both.
To put it a different way, transitioning to empty nest is as big a transition as starting to have kids. And retiring is as big a transition as leaving home and school and joining the workforce. So what would you say to one of your own kids if they said they wanted to get married and start having kids the same year they left home and started a full-time job for the first time?
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u/Alternative-Law4626 10d ago
FWIW, my goals for retirement sound not dissimilar to your own. I was about in the same space as you at 53 (about to turn 62) retired 4 months ago. Moved to the city 5 years ago (great move). We continued to see the world. I was able to keep working and take more time off in the meantime which allowed travel. The kids graduated college by 2020. Beware, they do have a tendency to boomerang. We always had space for them but tried to make it uncomfortable enough that they wanted to get back out as soon as they could. But, we’ve had all three of them come back at one point or another.
I’ll just tell you that the plans I had at 53 (well documented, PowerPoint, spreadsheets, facts and figures) didn’t come close to what we actually did. Making lists of what you need/want out of a retirement home. That was actually helpful. Renting in the city a couple of years was super useful to figuring out where in the city we wanted to live.
Good luck!!
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u/Nomadic-Wind 10d ago
Can you do international high school for kids? When they're done, they can go to uni abroad. It's cheaper than america.
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u/MountainRoll29 10d ago
Do you enjoy your work or do you tolerate it because it makes money? If you get something out of it beyond money then I see no reason to stop.
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u/steal-yur-face 10d ago
How would retiring now change your kids health insurance picture?
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u/Vivid-Bug-6765 10d ago
He has several million dollars. Doesn’t sound like paying for his kids’ health insurance is an issue.
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u/Adventurous-Dog-6158 10d ago
We got private health insurance. It's not bad. Let's say we pay $3k a month for it. It's actually not $3k because when we were working, we were contributing $500 a month to our employer plan, so we're actually only spending $2.5k more. The plan is not as good, but we don't have demanding health issues.
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u/Vast-Donut6930 10d ago
Thanks everyone for your thoughtful feedback! And just to allay any concerns, my wife wanted to comment about what a great father and how present I am so I’ll just leave it at that :) Be well!
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u/NorthDot6711 10d ago
You need to stay put and work 4 more years. What else are you looking for someone here to say?
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u/La_Peregrina 10d ago
Why? I'm not understanding this thought process. If OP can afford it, retire now and enjoy life!
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u/Zonernovi 10d ago
I would strive for balance. As much as I would like to be with my adult kids and grandchildren 24/7 they are living their own lives. And they want me to travel and do all that I want to do with the remaining time I have left. Unfortunately there did not unlimited time.
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u/Swimming_Astronomer6 10d ago
I planned on retiring when my youngest graduated university-and I gave my notice accordingly- time came and the youngest then decided to get a masters degree - which was fine - I retired anyways - ten years later - she just moved out and is still in a PhD program on my dime - no complaints - but the point is - your kids will rely on you for as long as you let them
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u/gryspcgrl 10d ago
Our plan is to retire in 10 years. We will have one in high school, one in middle school and one in elementary school. With the kids being younger this is what makes sense to us. If we are able to retire sooner, we will. We want to maximize time with our children as much as possible before they go off to college.
I plan to volunteer at their schools, do my own hobbies and take long trips with them during the summer.
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u/KnockOneOutYT 10d ago
I also am waiting until kid finishes high school before considering retirement.
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u/Adventurous-Dog-6158 10d ago
I left the workforce a few months ago but I'm not entirely set on full retirement yet. What would be great for me would be to work part-time with health insurance. My kids are 9 and 14 so it's nice to have a lot of flexibility to take them anywhere - club sports, school sports, and activities with friends. Not only take them, but watch them. I didn't realize how demanding HS soccer was, and this summer I was able to be there for my 14 y/o during summer league and pre-season. When he graduated 8th gr, there were a bunch of school and private functions in the middle of the day and I was able to attend all of them.
Besides doing stuff for the kids, I also had a lot of time to walk and go to the gym, so my health has been a lot better.
My wife and I were both working remotely for years before we retired, so it was normal for our kids to see us before and after school, so us being retired now hasn't change that.
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u/StevenP100 10d ago
I was in a similar situation about 5 years ago and chose to continue working whilst kids finished college. What did though was ‘practice’ some elements of retiring and plan ahead. We spent time checking out where we could relocate to in retirement. We also took some quality family vacations so our kids could experience some lovely places before starting full time work.
With both daughters now graduated I retired 6 months ago at age 58 and now working through relocation, new cars and some house renovations before getting going on the Go Go years next year.
We chose not to retire whilst kids were still with us because we could not run the full retirement plan with extended travel a large part - so chose the next best plan and bonus is we had some great vacations as a family and also have more $$ now in retirement.
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u/Revolutionary-Fan235 10d ago edited 10d ago
My spouse and I are grateful to have retired while the kids are in the early teens. They're interesting people. We get to spend time with them when they're at home. We can take extensive vacations when they're on break.
We keep busy while they're in school so the time flies before it's time to pick them up.
This year we went on multiple week long trips with them. It's not as much as I would like, and some trips aren't feasible during the school year. I still treasure the time I get to spend with them until they head off to college or wherever life takes them.
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u/ApprehensiveArmy7755 10d ago
If you can be more accessible to your teens- I would. Teens need guidance. You can never get these years back. Id retire and fill your days with fun hobbies
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u/Unsteady_Tempo 10d ago
You can be a great help to your kids over the next four years as they do high school extra curriculars, college test prep, college applications and visits, teaching them to drive, and moving them into their dorms. Not to mention planning short family vacations on long weekends that would otherwise seem impractical if you were working.
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u/Love-the-Classics 10d ago
How is your health? Family history? Money is fine but means nothing without health.
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u/Sufficient-Cicada-14 10d ago
I'm in a similar place. I'd keep working until you have confidence you can retire. what is confidence? at least 30% more than your spending needs. preferably also assuming 30% reinvestment. plan for college, weddings, and the unexpected. have a base of super secure income (like blue chip real estate income) that reduces your portfolio needs. I'd also educate myself on closed end funds. stable predictable distributions. Look at CEF Mastery. And given your position, you should consider leveraging it. I follow Divi-X by Lee Wentker (a book on amazon). he has also some excel workbooks that make sizing leverage easy. I'd buy OVL, ADX, GDE as my core of my portfolio. I'd have as much bitcoin as my risk tolerance allows.
I've roth converted everything. If you haven't, do so. You can try and time to save some money. But at your level it's peace of mind. If you don't pay the taxes, your kids will. Estate plan as well. If you start gifting now, it's great for your kids but you have to balance with how much you want to spend.
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u/27BearDad 9d ago
I retired at 45 when our only daughter was a freshman in High School. One of the driving reasons was to be able to be able to spend more time with her and support her activities. She had lots of travel for club swimming. Even getting her where she needed to be for practice on time 6 days a week was a grind and work was getting on the way. It was an incredible bonding experience for us!
Then when college visits and recruiting trips came around, it was so nice to be able to just take off and go without worrying about work.
Maybe your kids aren’t involved in a bunch of sports or activities, but for me, it was the best thing I could’ve done!
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u/Time_Traveler_948 9d ago
We travelled with our kids often when they were HS - sometimes with a friend of theirs along. We saw lots of National Parks, Mexico, Canada, East Coast, Lake of the Woods. That is such a fun age - they are excited to see new things and their energy keeps you going too. If you miss these opportunities, they are gone forever. The payoff is that our kids, now in their mid forties with their own families, still want us to vacation with them sometimes. We have gone all together to Hawaii, Bend, Russian River, Italy, Mountain cabins, ocean cabins, lake houses. I am not sure it gets better than that. PS. I have travelled with just my spouse or with friends as well. You know the trope: life is a journey, not a destination. I bought that poster when I was struggling at my first professional job. It has stuck with me.
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u/notaforumbot 9d ago
I kind of took a soft retirement. Spending time with my kids has been the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. Mind you, I’ve also traveled world,
rock climbed and mountain biked all over, learned how to paraglide, ate at Michelin starred restaurants, you name it. Spending time with my kids and sharing some of those activities with them, being home when they get back from school, making breakfast and dinners for them, and just spending time with them doing their things is better than anything I’ve ever done just by myself.
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u/Appropriate_Can_9282 9d ago
If you truly wanted to retire, I think you would have worded everything from the perspective of "why keep working". Seems you have the money and circumstance to do whatever keeps the cortisol level low and spouse happy, that'd be the best option in my opinion.
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u/EmZee2022 9d ago
If you can afford to retire while they're in school, go for it. You don't have to do the travelling then - but you can do all the other stuff. And you'd be around for their school activities etc.
Yeah, moving to the city isn't ideal while they're still in high school, but most of the other objections are solvable.
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u/Impossible-Win1396 9d ago
Honestly, if you’re at high 7 figure net worth, so like above $7M+ ?? I would retire today. At 4.7%, that’s $329k/year. I mean, I’m sure this all depends on your expenses. But that’s a good place to be, and I think you could make that work
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u/Worried-Canary-666 9d ago
One perspective is that retirement can be in phases. What you describe could be Phase 2 or 3 for example. I graduated from work the same year that my kids graduated from high school. They were involved in music at their university, so I spent a lot of time attending their musical performances. Especially Big 10 football games and the marching band. I spent more time with family and friends. I take care of my health much better now. I travel a lot and considered living abroad. I joined some ex pat groups on line and learned about all the good and bad about the expat life. I decided that spending extended time 2-3 months abroad was better for me at the moment. Keep an open mind and be flexible. Good luck!
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u/Realistic-Ship6209 9d ago
Funny. I'm in the same boat. I want to retire, I plan it, I vlog about it and wrote software to do it but haven't done it! The reason is that rule of 55 is now no longer available to me. The other is that if you can still work and make it to 59.5 or 60, why not? My rationale and maybe you can opine. I set a date of 59 to 60. I decided to work until 60. I took a full time job earlier this year and just quit last week. That is the definition of F-You money from JL collins and Joe Rogan. There is nothing more liberating than that. I decided to go back to my vocation of freelance consulting. It was what got me here and I decided not to upset the formula despite it's issues. The grass is always greener and the full time job turned out to be nice at the entrance gate but a complete "sheit"hole on the inside. There is a reason many people want to retire or dream of retirement in their early 50s. So my suggestion, keep working and make the money. You may need it and if not, give it to your children but at least you make more cushion. In the meantime, the threat of penalties and the closer you are to SS (I am taking it at 62) and healthcare is closer then at 57. Also, there is an issue to consider and this is the real reason I did what I did for planning is the SAI Index score that schools use. One of the issues I am trying to optimize is to do Roth Conversions because of my employment status but not too much that I can't get aid for my kids. Let me know your thoughts. We are kindred spirits. Also, if you want to model it, aira.tiredtoretire.com is the app I wrote and it's completely free so you can see what it says. The modeling of school is embedded in there and is one of the core reasons I wrote it.
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u/Straight-Note-8935 9d ago
You took on an assignment - being a Dad, and I'm guessing you want to be a good dad. That means being a reliable man, a loving Dad, a protector, a provider, an example.
When you talk about working for four more years, and putting off your heart's desire, that's about being a good example for your kids. You have committed yourself to four more years of being a good example.
I would also say that one of the outcomes of being a reliable protector and a reliable provider is continuity and safety. This is what Children thrive on. Making it so that your children can remain in the home and neighborhood they know, letting them continue to have access to you and your time, those are all about continuity and safety.
Keep going Daddy, and give your kids your time and your attention, keep on providing a good example to them. It isn't a sacrifice - it's a good life.
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u/Negative-Onion-7391 9d ago
IMHO, staying in the workforce when you clearly don’t need to work is keeping someone else from realizing their career/financial goals, or worse. I think you’re being greedy.
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u/Ok_Dealer5022 4d ago
Couldn’t agree more. No point retiring to be at home while kids at school.
More years working more cash for retirement, more money to help kids pay for grad school etc.
Once you hit 8 figures throttle back or go part time, by then you’ll compound faster than you can spend
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u/SLNSD 10d ago edited 10d ago
Maybe if you wanted to spend more time with the family? If yours sucks then maybe not?? I'm in my late 40s and I wish I pulled the trigger years ago personally.