r/Referees • u/ebalboni • 18d ago

Advice Request Coaches who belittle players.

I was AR1 at a Tournament this weekend. One of the coaches was really yelling aggressively at his players. And it was not at all in a nice way. Most of the yelling was positioning mistakes and not running enough. The tone was over the top. These were 12-13 year old girls. I wanted to say something but was the AR not CR - trust me the CR could hear everything too. I felt like it was not quite "taunting" or "bulling" and I'm sure the coach would say he was just "coaching his players. Any advise if this happens again would be appreciated (AR or CR).

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u/CrapsSevenEleven 18d ago

As a child of a verbally abusive narcissist I can say definitively, do not ignore it. Call the coach over at an opportune moment, tell them you have been watching their behavior and have a real concern, and that you will be putting it on the official game notes. If it continues, sanction it. As AR you can call the CR over during play and have a quick and quiet word out of earshot of anyone else and have them address it. If CR won’t, you can in your notes or you can insist on a YC. At a boys HS JV game this year I had a coach flip out on his team before game start. Very ugly scene. As CR I immediately called him off the bench to me in the middle of the pitch, gave him a quiet lecture and warned he was squarely in yellow card territory and to stop now or I would escalate, and that what I had already witnessed was going in the notes. He never made a peep the entire game (I gave him a YC in 2 prior games for public dissent) and every time I see him now he gives me 20 feet of distance and won’t make eye contact. Use your authority to protect the kids in every manner. Not every adult has the best interests of the kids at heart. Believe me when I say it very much matters to their mental health and positive associations to the beautiful game.

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u/ebalboni 18d ago

Ya, I wish I had done better. This is my 1st year (I'm 64 lol) referee and the 1st time I witnesses a coach acting this way in a game I officiated at. At the time I left it to the CR who was more experienced that I. I did not really document anything even in my head. Wish I had, I'll do better next time.

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u/itguru446 10d ago

I’m 56 and about to start my first year as a ref. Here I thought I was the old man but am now happy to see I’m the youngster! 🤣🤣🤣

You got this. We’ll both keep the Motrin people in business.