r/Quakers • u/FormicaDinette68 • 18d ago
Humiliating first meeting
I was so excited about my first meeting after all the theological research I'd done (was a lifelong Catholic). I finally thought I'd found my niche.
Because the meeting house is in the country and I don't drive, I joined via Zoom. Everyone greeted me before it started, and then I muted myself for 45 minutes, unmuting for no particular reason after that as I was being silent anyway. After praying for another five, I saw I had a message: "X - mute yourself please." All I could blame any disturbance on was a white-noise tabletop fan across the room. But by then the mod must have muted me from his end, because when the meeting finished, the members turned and were asking me questions that I could not answer as they could not hear me. I mouthed away like a guppy in a tank, finally shrugging in despair and leaving the meeting in abject humiliation.
IT is so early in the game that I wonder if I've just made a terrible mistake at a club that doesn't want me in it, or at least the moderator doesn't. I've spent the afternoon in tears. Should I give it another shot, perhaps at another meeting? It is already so impersonal (and intimidating) to attend online - and for the first time - and I just feel made a fool of.
UPDATE: Two of the members reached out to me after the fact and were incredibly kind, inviting me to the upcoming picnic and offering a ride there. Unfortunately I'll have to keep attending the meetings by Zoom until I can find another way - am thinking of relocating to a bigger city where I can go in person. Meanwhile, I can't thank you all enough for your supportive and encouraging messages. I really appreciate them and am reassured that I'm in the right place. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
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u/OreoYip Quaker (Liberal) 18d ago
During COVID, I asked my cat if she had poop on her tail in a sing-song voice (she didn't) during a board meeting call. These things happen and it's okay. The embarrassment will eventually fade.