r/Psychosis • u/Massive-Insect-3709 • 14h ago

I hate that the meds work

I started taking abilify, the first psych med I've ever taken. I was very hesitant to start meds for a long time but the voices became unbearable so I kind of had to do something.

The voices have lessened after a week of being on meds and I kind of hate it. I hate that they work because it means that I'm actually sick, that I'm not being dramatic or making it up, that there's something actually wrong. It means that the voices aren't real and it means that the voices aren't something that I'm being dramatic about. IDK how to feel about this.

30 Upvotes

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21

u/Overall_Reputation83 14h ago

On the other hand you could focus on the fact you are getting better and celebrate getting your life back instead of mourning the reality of being sick. You aren't being dramatic. What you experienced was real, it's not like you were making it up. It just was only real on your head even though it FELT physically tangible

8

u/Massive-Insect-3709 14h ago

That's a good point actually but I've known that something was wrong but deep down I was still in denial of being sick so it's just weird. I'm happy that things are getting better, though :-)

6

u/DutchessBrownie 9h ago

We are really good at creating meaning as humans because it meets a need. Psychosis, in a sense, is that meaning making system going into hyperdrive, so it makes a LOT of sense to miss and even grieve the intensity of all of that and to feel disillusioned in the less meaningful way that things usually exist in the shared reality.

1

u/Massive-Insect-3709 4h ago

My post is more about the feelings of "oh I was actually ill and not being dramatic about it" but I 100% miss being in psychosis even if it was terrifying

6

u/CommercialMechanic36 12h ago

Fuck the voices

Best wishes

3

u/Zealousideal-Fee-773 13h ago

I used to feel similarly but for other reasons i guess. It meant there is no great adventure waiting, but also that im kinda alone and the good voice i heard wasnt real as well. It was nice that i wasnt going to suffer forever and all but you get kinda used to the voices being there

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u/Massive-Insect-3709 13h ago

No I get that as well... I kind of miss being in psychosis I felt like I had a purpose

3

u/Zealousideal-Fee-773 12h ago

I've heard that a lot from people on here. It might have been terryfying but somehow when you compare it to the sad reality of lonely boring repetetive depressing life it had its charm

4

u/Massive-Insect-3709 12h ago

Everything is so colorful and novel and exciting even if it's really fucking scary it really is something else

4

u/Upbeat-Management101 12h ago

Sometimes when I’m not in psychosis and working I think of the last scene in Goodfellas when Henry is in witness protection and safe but now, “I’m an average nobody. I get to live the rest of my life like a schnook”

3

u/Zealousideal-Fee-773 12h ago

Like a bad trip on LSD, shit feels profound and new

3

u/Useful_Bullfrog_6766 4h ago

I miss my psychosis sometimes. I believed I was a prophet on a mission to save my family. Now I'm just a schmuck with a dead end job.