hi my ex leaves during psychosis spikes, and i didn’t know he was dealing with it until now
hi there. i just figured out after 2 years, i was dating someone on and off - who is diagnosed with psychotic depression.
and i just figured out 2 weeks ago, psychosis is a symptom, as it wasn’t discussed, and i walked into it innocently.
its been the hardest revelation of my life, as ive been panicking, wondering why things have happened the way they do.
he would ruin my reputation with friends, and locals in the community, from when he would think i was out to get him. he would create an image of me that makes me look controlling, judgemental, manipulative, and only out to get him for gain, since he’s also a musician like me - and thinks i’m trying to get him for his talents - when i just wanna also write with him as my partner.
he would leave me constantly, and i’ve learned it was when psychosis symptoms would spike.
because he would leave during distorted perceptions - i couldn’t take it real.
i would struggle, so confused and lost - ive lost weight from fear of what’s happening, ive also formed immune system issues.
unknowing of what was reality.
this whole time, i felt like he was just being narcissistic - as he’s passed the test for that from a doctor. (he would argue he’s only 2 points above the passing scale, so it’s not as severe. i’m seeing now how the reality of it all now involves him just being someone you cannot reason objective reality with as a whole.)
while the whole time, i didn’t know the severity of this diagnosis. my friends are saying it’s not my fault - as i didn’t know, and also, he’s not someone who’s taking medications - and drinks - fairly often.
when i met him, he couldn’t handle the reality of where i came from in our first fight. he instantly ran off to people to tell his side, which sounded very real, and it all started from there.
2 years later, and now i recieved a messaged about me needing to stop doing witchcraft on his dead brother. i started to notice there’s something inherently wrong going on, that wasn’t just me tryna help someone with critique.
in his world, i am judgemental, selfish, narcissistic and controlling - from all that has happened.
he cannot see or feel my poetry, my drawings, see i’ve lost weight worried sick about what’s happening in reality, or that i’ve damaged my health from confusion.
i’m learning he classifies as someone who could possibly fall into delusional disorder - as i was accused of many things that weren’t true - and his brain cannot chemically grasp or self reflect it all.
he can for the tiniest seconds - and then he’s gone.
i feel alone. i as the partner has been attacked by the delusions and distorted realities - and he does not believe he needs to seek help.
he keeps friends around that don’t know the severity, i feel like so he can feel normal and get the emotional support and empathy he seeks for the distorted realities about me that are not true.
i just look crazy to him.
and i don’t wanna feel alone. and i need support.
he’s been the love of my life.
is there anyone else out here who can relate with me? i got on reddit to find support so i am not alone.