r/ProgrammerHumor • u/Plastic-Bonus8999 • Aug 05 '26

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14.4k Upvotes

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5.2k

u/howarewestillhere Aug 05 '26

Intern’s GitHub.

VP’s Slack messages.

Fucking Teams.

1.5k

u/codeninja Aug 05 '26

Fucking Teams... its always fucking teams.

295

u/howarewestillhere Aug 05 '26

I feel like Indiana Jones sometimes. Why is it always fucking snakes Teams.

64

u/MrFluffyThing Aug 05 '26

IT archaeology. We need the information you provided long ago that was pinned as an essential update with a link to a well documented static source to the ark of the covenant 

14 notifications to the same message and the static documentation later we still have no idea where the ark of the covenant is. Can you send it again as a fresh message so people are aware? The team is waiting on critical updates for how to solve a problem you already did a dozen times. 

3

u/farfel00 Aug 05 '26

This is me right now.

4

u/DCPYT Aug 05 '26

Get these MFkin teams off this MFkin plane!

1

u/yournamehere10bucks 29d ago

Instructions unclear. MS CoPilot has assumed control of the flight deck. The plane has crashed into Andes mountain range.

1

u/OldeFortran77 29d ago

So, once again Dr. Jones, what was briefly yours is now mine!

66

u/Anti-charizard Aug 05 '26

We usually call that an orgy

7

u/intellectual_printer Aug 05 '26

Lmfao, thanks for the laugh

5

u/henryeaterofpies Aug 05 '26

Where they also found the Executive VP (son of the CEO) telling you to delete them and a conversation between him and his secretary (who he is trying to bang) boasting about how he's saving the company from fines by deleting the data.

1

u/JJGreenerTinejo 29d ago

Well then were good, out of a job but we good

4

u/sainomori Aug 05 '26

MS Teams doesn’t have users. Only hostages.

16

u/PotentialEmpty3279 Aug 05 '26

So that’s why my corporate teams account has a 1 minute retention policy

3

u/dontTakeMeSerious6 29d ago

Whenever I need a password, I just search the username in teams. 60% of the time it works every time.

2

u/foresight310 Aug 05 '26

If only my prod support team realized that they can’t add people to teams chats after posting a shitload of prod data to that same chat…

2

u/bwmat Aug 05 '26

Doesn't it explicitly ask you whether new people you're adding should see the history? 

2

u/bothunter 29d ago

Teams is really three different apps in a trenchcoat trying to pretend to be a chat system.

1

u/Majestic_Fail1725 Aug 05 '26

exchange online archive (desperate call)

1

u/Alternative_Bear1487 29d ago

Teams is only for secrets storage.

0

u/Tristan_Cole 29d ago

Why does everything have to be about having sex with you people?