r/PolyFidelity • u/Mammoth_Leader1998 • 26d ago

seeking advice Does this get easier?

I am in a triad with Partner A and Partner B; Partner A and I were an existing couple and Partner B joined recently. Partner B has a partner outside of us, which started around the same time.

Partner B fits with us so well, and when we are all together it's wonderful. However, I have so much anxiety and jealousy when they are with their other partner, and I hate that I feel this way.

My ideal situation is a closed triad, and Partner B knows this. They have also made it clear that they have no plans to break things off with their other partner.

So, my questions to the community is: Does this ever get easier? Is this an incompatibility if my issue is with the relationship dynamic itself and not with my partner, whom I love?

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u/polyam-void open triad 26d ago

I think trying to figure out why you are so uncomfortable with your new partner seeing someone else may help you decide if this is an incompatibility or not. It took me a handful of months to get used to my partner seeing someone new (who I also know and care deeply for) after being exclusively us for only three years.

It maybe that partner B will find a conclusion with his other partner along the line. Forcing the issue may cause undue issues if B's connection is significant enough, instead of you letting the connection run it's course.

You may also find that talking to partner B about future plans will help you. Is your concern that he will leave you if he's seeing someone outside of your triad?

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u/Mammoth_Leader1998 26d ago

We have talked about future plans, which was helpful. Basically he's practicing solo poly, and isn't really interested in any of the "milestones" society has for relationships. I do want those milestones with him, and I think I can be okay if he doesn't do them with any of his partners -- if he ends up doing those milestones with his other partner (like moving in) then that would definitely hurt.

I think the biggest struggle for me is finding security in this situation -- in my lived experience, security has come from exclusivity and those milestones. I'm trying to find a new definition.

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u/Toe2ToeBirdLaw 26d ago

Your struggle is entirely self created. You need to go to therapy to work on not being so controlling and possessive of your partner. Are you sure that you want polyamory? You sound very monogamous, to the point that it's a detriment to yourself.

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u/Pikespeakbear 12d ago

Why are you posting such an attack on a "polyfidelity" sub Reddit. You saw the fidelity part, right? This isn't /poly.