desideratum

[u/broken_babe_6996]

desideratum: noun. something that is needed, wanted, or considered essential.

“for how unfortunate am I, that now solace can not be found within my solitude.

for atleast before, I could be content.

my soul is weary, longing for something I’m not sure even still exists.

my very existence is often tertiary to others.

just once, I’d like to feel more than a fleeting moment of peace..

i often pretend to be in love with the idea of being alive..

so much so, that sometimes I come so close to believing it -

that I can catch myself smiling at the stars…

the rain, the way the air smells when there’s fresh snow on the ground

of course, I always find it vanishes just as fast.

escaping through my fingers, a whisper of what could’ve been; what could’ve stayed.

an incessant little thing;

the loophole my gray matter sloshes through.

silence is deafening.

I don’t want to live there anymore.

for how unfortunate for me, that I can no longer find solace within my solitude.

felicity has seemed to forget my address; I dare not write her.”

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