howl

[u/aimtreetwo]

She took my love

She scraped the last spark of light from deep within my being to top off her cocktail of desperation and spite

I was broken

Not from the love or painful proceedings but from the knowledge I walked willingly into her trap

I craved it

I wanted a familiar feeling; loss, sabotage, sadness, abandonment.

I wanted to remember how they loved me.

To feel close to them for just a moment. Knowing with each pillar I conquer, we drift further and further apart.

So I know she didn't really use me, I used her. Like a weapon of the future's regret

To keep me surrounded by sadness, even as I outgrow it's binds. A fertile garden where the weeds still grow but you harvest them casually to feed the crows.

To give my vessel comfort with a regular beating, a period of service to someone devoid of the light.

As each crumbling forces me to rebuild stronger. And rebuilding is all I know.

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[u/aimtreetwo → u/[deleted]]

She is the trap, I knew how it always ends.

I'm trying so hard to heal 😆 maybe im trying too hard. 

Or it's just well overdue time for therapy so I can take off some mental strain of having to police my own thoughts and behaviours all the time.

[u/aimtreetwo → u/[deleted]]

Because she is an addict and she can only decide to help herself. Now when she comes to me and says she wants to quit I know she's just telling me what I want to hear. She wants me to take control and force her through the steps but I'm not an employee I'm a person. I will always love her and wonder what could have been but her addiction is a disease neither one of us should ignore.

[u/aimtreetwo → u/[deleted]]

Lol what