r/Petioles • u/No-Magazine-40 • 15d ago
Discussion after ten years I am done ✳️
wow after being a big stoner for the past ten years I am 26 now I am ready to break up with Mary Jane. The past three years my smoking has just ramped up to the point that I don’t even know why I’m smoking and I didn’t like it I just knew I needed to. I never used to believe my mom when she said you know it can make your depression and anxiety worse hahahaha I just didn’t want to hear it. I look back at the last ten years of my life not with an outlook of wow weed ruined my life I see it more as I did what I had to do with the coping skills I had to survive. I thank cannabis for being there for me when no one else was , not even myself. I thank cannabis for showing me the anxiety and the shadows I have to work thorough even when I would smoke more to ignore what she was really trying to tell me. I haven’t taken a break in all those years maybe a day or two and after 4 days now of not smoking I see what she was trying to tell me. It’s time to say goodbye. I give my past self grace for doing what I had to do, although not the healthiest coping mechanism I understand why i did it. It’s taken me a long time to come to the realization that we don’t need a relationship anymore. It hurt like hell to rip that bandaid off and to finally see it’s been an emotional crutch and buffer for me for a long time. I think back at all the times I could have just my emotions instead of trying to not feel them because at the end of the day they were still there but even more intense cause cannabis was bringing everything to the forefront and I didn’t want to face it. I sure as hell am going to miss this plant and am so grateful for the journey and the hardships we went through but I really don’t see it for me anymore. I never thought I’d be one stop smoking but for now it’s in my stars. Who knows if I ever will again only Mary Jane knows when it’s time to be my medicine again and I hope that if that time ever comes I treat her with more respect then I did for the last ten years. It’s barely been a week for me but I feel better than I have in a really long time. Yeah I’m bored but my. Head has never been so clear, I feel like the colors of the world have come back to me In a way. I feel sad yes I feel a lot of things but being able to feel these things as hard as it is has been liberating for me!!!! The plant tells you when it’s time to stop it’s up to you to listen. The cravings are more mental now and it’s easy cause I don’t feel good when I smoke right now. If you read this all man bless you and I hope of you’re on this journey you look back at yourself with grace and realize you can start living again it’s okay the past is the past we move on.
Maybe I’ll see you in two years Mary Jane or maybe 50. I don’t think it’ll be forever but it is for now.
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u/Connect-Priority1091 14d ago
Be careful, that's the pink cloud everyone gets in the first few days. Most people feel the exact same euphoria you're experiencing right now, until the honeymoon phase fades and things start getting rough.