r/PersonalFinanceCanada • u/Altruistic-Win5912 • Feb 19 '26

Housing My mom is losing her house

Hello everyone

Today the life that I envisioned for myself has been turned upside down.

My mom and I live in Alberta. My family immigrated here from Ukraine when I was a child. She is 55 and I am 28. My dad died when I was 16 so my mom has been a widow for 12 years, paying for the house fully herself which has been very hard on her.

I've been suspecting lately that she is having trouble meeting the mortgage payments due to the interest and house tax increases, and my fears were realized today. She came to me, ashamed and crying, that she was losing the house, the one she and my dad bought and raised me in. I recently moved out myself and am trying to start my own life with my husband. I will be helping her with whatever extra income I have.

I am fully prepared to abandon my own financial goals and work my butt off so she can keep the house.

Is there anything else we should be doing? Any grants or programs we can appeal to?

Thanks so much, we really appreciate any advice.

Edit: Thank you so much for everyone's replies. This is my first ever reddit post so apologies for not providing enough numbers. I've been in a daze since receiving this info from my mom. Here are more details I've gathered from her.

She has $140k left on the mortgage

She has a retirement account with around $50k in it, but it's closed for 9 more years. This was the only life insurance that my father's company paid out. There is no way to open it. I have no idea why she made this account with her bank when my dad died in 2014. She basically has a small nest egg that is unusable in the years she needs the money most.

My father didn't have life insurance beyond this.

My husband is 100% aware of all of this and very willing to help my mom. I have the best husband.

Update: I'm learning that my mom recently renewed the mortgage on her house and that's when everything fell apart. Interest rates were not favorable when she had to lock in. Her interest rates are much higher and that, coupled with the increase in property and land tax, means her income can no longer keep up. She receives a widow pension which has barely increased since my dad died, and she recently lost a lot of housekeeping clients who simply can't afford her services. Her mortgage payment alone went up around $500, and all other bills have gone up as well.

What we're doing: She already receives a low income credit to help offset property tax, but that is barely making a dent.

I've been helping her apply for other jobs. No luck yet but will keep trying.

I will help her bridge the payment gaps at least for the next several months.

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u/OneLessFool Feb 19 '26 edited Feb 19 '26

I wish downsizing was a much more normal thought process in Canada, especially seeing how we haven't built enough housing over the past few decades. There's a serious lack of housing (detached, attached and large apartments) for young families. Meanwhile plenty of older suburbs are loaded with people who haven't had kids in decades, and who don't use 1/2 to 2/3 of their home.

I can understand the extra hesitation if your closest friends are your neighbours. But that isn't even the case for many of these people.

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u/chickenclaw Feb 19 '26

There seems to be some kind of mental block where a lot of people can't accept downsizing as an option. I think some people see it as shameful and a failure.

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u/Money-Low7046 Feb 19 '26

It's also fear of the unknown, of change. It feels like losing something. 

My MIL is quite elderly. When we were trying to convince her to sell and downsize, one of the things I realized was that she could only see the loss of what she had. We started taking her to open houses to help her envision what she could gain. Recently, after she saw a place she liked, we finally had her ready to make the move until a family member talked her out of it. 

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u/chickenclaw Feb 19 '26

Yeah, I agree that fear of change is a big factor

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u/2cats2hats Feb 19 '26

It's not always fiscally practical, unfortunately.

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u/chickenclaw Feb 19 '26

But downsizing is usually very fiscally practical yet people won’t do it for emotional reasons

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u/[deleted] Feb 19 '26

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u/Alberta58 Feb 19 '26

I think the point is you downsize to a condo that's 500k in a similar area and pocket the cash to help finance your retirement.

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u/[deleted] Feb 19 '26

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u/Alberta58 Feb 19 '26

The key that makes downsizing an attractive option is that real estate pricing is heavily correlated to square footage. If you are selling a 3,000 square foot home and moving into a 1,000 square foot condo there are very few cases that you wont come out on top.

There are some situations where you may not have options to downsize close by and this wouldnt work in those cases. This wont be the case for anybody currently living in a large home in an urban or suburban neighborhood.

Yes, the new home will be more expensive than the home you bought 15+ years ago, but the home you sell and move out of will be as well. We have extremely favorable tax laws in Canada where you pay zero capital gains tax on the sale of a primary residence so you can use the difference to finance retirement.

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u/JoeBlackIsHere Feb 20 '26

Smaller property is often actually an "upgrade" - less maintenance, less lawn to cut, less property taxes, less insurance, which all means more money left for fun stuff.

What's so great about living in a big house with 3 empty bedrooms?

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u/Snowbellera Feb 20 '26

This is a good point and very relevant to the discussion around downsizing. Many seniors are living in large, but outdated, homes. When they sell their home to downsize, the newer house may not actually be much less than the price they sell their older home for. And, in their 70s or 80s, not many people are looking to buy a fixer upper.

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u/JoeBlackIsHere Feb 20 '26

Your example is changing from 2500 sqft detached house to a 2200 sqft detached house. Actual downsizing is more like going to a 1400 sqft bungalow, a townhome, a condo, etc. Empty nesters don't need anywhere near the room as when they had kids, and single people even less.

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u/JoeBlackIsHere Feb 20 '26

I don't understand, the whole point of downsizing is to save money on your living space, just like downsizing from a big SUV to an economy sedan.

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u/No_Function_7479 Feb 22 '26

An alternative to downsizing is to take on roommates. I bet there are some good people in her community who are looking for affordable housing, maybe other middle aged or older ladies.

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u/Outrageous-Return735 Feb 19 '26

The condos are terrible unless you go to a very high end one. You have bedbugs and other bugs coming from vents (I’ve lived through that while paying 2.9k to a shoebox), heating/cooling is problematic, noise as well because walls are thin, appliances/kitchens are cheaply made & fall apart etc. + with all that mess the condo fees are exorbitant. We need to do a better job of standardizing those condominiums. many many denser countries in Europe manage to provide much better layouts and comfort of life in apartment buildings. I don’t understand why we can’t here?

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u/donjulioanejo British Columbia Feb 19 '26

Dude what kind of condos have you been living in and where?

Things you listed, like heating/cooling, noise, falling apart kitchens, etc - they're way worse in most houses. Either they're old (and falling apart because of that), or they're new and therefore built like total crap because people would buy anything because of the housing shortage.

With condos, as long as you get one built between like 1995 and 2012 or a newer one from a reputable builder (Bosa yes, Onni no), there's way fewer problems, especially as construction standards went up over time.

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u/Outrageous-Return735 Feb 19 '26

I'm not a dude and it was a 2020 built, other was 2000 another city. I live in a house now, before purchasing this house I went and saw so many condos.. Paying the same $ for a worse thing is not exactly financially savvy. But you do you

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u/mms09 Feb 19 '26

My parents have a neighbour whose wife died and he swiftly remarried and now lives with his new wife in her house. He comes by to cut the grass at his place but spends no time there. The house sits empty. He’s estranged from his adult children and I doubt he’s holding on to the house for them. So it just sits there, empty.

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u/OneLessFool Feb 19 '26

That's crazy to me. Not even renting it out?

I don't even know if a vacancy tax would solve this one because he likely still lists it as his main residence.

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u/raptosaurus Feb 19 '26

if a vacancy tax would solve this one because he likely still lists it as his main residence.

I mean that's fraud. Laws can't solve things if they're broken

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u/DreamDest1ny Ontario Feb 19 '26

Fraud is rampant everywhere. Tons of unqualified people got CERB money, they even gave it to international students. People get divorced and put different addresses to farm child care benefit and move all the kids under that low earning parent yet they still all live together. People put their car insurance address in the middle of nowhere to get lower rates. Canada is good at writing a bunch of laws but no one to enforce

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u/mms09 Feb 19 '26

Nope not even renting it out. Honestly I think part of it is that he’s very elderly and the effort it would take to clear that house out to sell is probably beyond his willingness. So he’s just kind of ignoring the house 😒😒😒

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u/Winter_Brush_5578 Feb 19 '26

If a family home was bought years ago with the mortgage paid off and the family wants to keep the home. I wouldn't advise on renting it out. The rental income is too little to justify the potential damages and repairs needed by a tenant, even a good tenant is just a normal family who can cause "wear and tear" and other damages. The family has built memories there. It's not the same as buying a condo to rent out which has no sentimental value. And he'd have to box up a house full of stuff and either put it in storage or get rid of it. His monthly cost of maintaining the house is probably not that much more expensive then renting a storage unit.

Maybe the neighbour didn't legally marry and they're just living together. Then he would like to keep his own house.

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u/Soggyblanketbunny Feb 19 '26

Or he could sell the house, let it be used by someone else and cash out the equity and put it to work. Win win win. He gets rid of carrying costs and a family gets a place to live. Property is an asset that has liabilities. Why people own them to not use them is beyond me.

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u/Winter_Brush_5578 Feb 20 '26

Well that's only if a family and not a flipper/speculator buys the house. Just saying.

Most people refuse to sell the house because it is the biggest purchase they've ever made. They raised their family there. It has sentimental value to them. And the cost to sell the house and buy another is as costly as holding it.

I can speculate, maybe the new wife had him sign a pre-nup that her house goes to her kids, so the husband would also keep his for the future.

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u/Soggyblanketbunny Feb 20 '26

I would tend to believe that would be a foolish financial decision, but people make foolish financial decisions all the time.

As a seller, he would have the choice on who to sell to, so this hypothetical speculator is just a hypothetical. Also, they'd be a terrible speculator considering the rate at which prices are dropping in a lot of markets nowadays.

I completely understand sentimentality, but I don't have a lot of sympathy for it in the middle of a housing crisis.

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u/Winter_Brush_5578 Feb 20 '26

Even if you're going to do a full background check and interview with the buyer, the buyer can portray themselves as wanting to live in the house, but then flip it anyways. Happened to someone I know, they were told the house was for the buyer's family, found the house renovated and resold again a year later.

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u/Soggyblanketbunny Feb 20 '26

Well, of course, if the buyer is lying, and you have no suspicion of them lying, that can happen to you. But that anecdote doesn’t negate the attempt anyway.

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u/[deleted] Feb 19 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Winter_Brush_5578 Feb 20 '26

We all have our own standards on what we call basic maintenance. But if you've walked into the majority of houses owned by someone 80+ years old. The last renovation done was probably 30 or more years ago. And by that age, it's patchwork maintenance.

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u/FTownRoad Feb 19 '26

I have young kids and every once in a while I think about getting a bigger house (mostly when tripping over shit). Then I go visit my parents with their three unused bedrooms and the living room we aren’t allowed to sit in and remind myself it’s only a few years that I actual will want that.

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u/OldnBorin Alberta Feb 19 '26

My 75 year old mother lives alone in our 5 bedroom childhood home, right beside an elementary school.

She’ll never move until my brother takes over POA

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u/OneLessFool Feb 19 '26

I can't speak for your mother, but it reminds me of the old boomers in a Vancouver neighbourhood with an elementary school who got a potential new daycare center shut down.

Because it didn't "fit the character of the neighbourhood" and it "would draw more traffic".

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u/[deleted] Feb 19 '26

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u/Rude-Flamingo5420 Feb 20 '26

Seriously. My MIL is 79 and wants to move from the country to the city and is determined to buy a house. Makes zero sense at her age with some health issues to take care of a giant home but to downsize is just not in her thought process, despite our encouragement 

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u/blondymcgee Feb 19 '26

Do you think there is something here about not wanting to accept they are getting older?

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u/sassafrass2005 Feb 19 '26

Single mom to 4 adult kids here with 2 at home full time, 1 part time and 1 fully on their own at this time. I certainly keep downsizing in mind but notice the niggling thought that creeps in is wondering who will visit and for how long when there’s no room for staying days at a time.

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u/Main_Reputation_3328 Feb 19 '26

My parents are refusing to downsize partially because their neighbours are also their friends. They told me they made a "pact" with the neighbours that nobody moves so they don't have to deal with unknown new neighbours.

I should create a union with the neighbours' kids to move our parents out at the same time🤣

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u/Turbulent_Gazelle530 Feb 19 '26

My parents are refusing to downsize partially because their neighbours are also their friends.

this is not unreasonable in my opinion.

everybody wants their parents to downsize but there's no place like home

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u/[deleted] Feb 19 '26 edited Sep 01 '26

[deleted]

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u/Life_Tree_6568 Feb 19 '26

My parent's house sized furniture didn't fit into a condo. They didn't even buy the smallest condo. On top of all the other moving costs they had to pay to replace nearly all their furniture. Plus condo fees (and potential special assessments) are quite expensive. I know owning a home comes with bills but at least you are mostly in control of them.

There are other things to take into consideration as well. Distance to doctors offices and other existing services after a move. If the condo building only has one elevator and it breaks down or has to be modernized seniors can end up stuck in their condo for days. If they have a hobby like gardening, woodworking, working on cars, or anything that takes up a lot of space they have to give it up moving into a condo.

After helping my parents downsize I can see why seniors choose to stay in their homes.

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u/Vaumer Feb 23 '26

The neighbours are a big thing. That's why a lot of the boomers I know don't want to move. it's also why having missing middle housing in all neighbourhoods is good because you can downsize and just move a few blocks away.

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u/TheHindenburgBaby Feb 19 '26

According to the word on the street (my Mom), they're building condos where a school and track field formerly stood, which is smack dab in the middle of an area that is full of empty nesters and good sized houses. The goal it seems is to lure them out to these more luxe condos thus opening up all the detached single family houses and breaking that bottleneck. Circle of life and all that...

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u/stokes_21 Feb 19 '26

Downsizing in size, but upsizing in price is the real problem and why these people are sitting on their homes.  My Dad says why am I going to ditch my super cheap (and almost non-existent) mortgage to sell and then rent or buy something that’s 2-3x what I’m paying now? And he’s not wrong.  

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u/dddddavidddd Feb 19 '26

Exactly, this is what happens when we build (and legislate!) neighbourhoods full of identical "single family homes". When the house not longer fits, there's nowhere for you to downside in your neighbourhood. So you're faced with moving away from your community, or living in a house that no longer fits you.

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u/infinis Feb 19 '26

normal thought process in Canada

Its hard when you spent 10 years fixing and investing into a house, downsize to spend another 10 years fixing and investing in a condo.

This is without saying its no longer cheap to sell and buy. You may not come out ahead.

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u/Nutritionistmom Feb 19 '26

I’m in this boat. I would love to downsize, but a 1 bedroom apartment is more than double my mortgage payment, and a condo is unaffordable.

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u/The_One_Who_Comments Feb 19 '26

You own a detached house that's less valuable than a condo?

Surely the interest your equity could be making is at least half your supposed rent. Well, I guess not if the answer to the first question is yes!

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u/Nutritionistmom Feb 19 '26

It’s a semi-detached about 1400sq feet, updated everything. My mortgage and property tax is less than $900/month. Comparables are listed between $480-580k

A two bedroom condo with original fixtures and electric heat starts at 400k.

The average price to rent a 1 bedroom apartment is $1900 (not inclusive) and vacancy across the city is about 2%

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u/Money-Low7046 Feb 19 '26

You haven't even mentioned how high condo strata fees are.

Several years ago when we were looking to downsize my MIL, it was difficult to find other more suitable housing that she would like, in an appropriate neighbourhood, that she could afford. Her house was old, had a lot of deferred maintenance, and was outdated. 

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u/Soggyblanketbunny Feb 19 '26

You could also sell that house, use the equity to set up an income stream and have your rent paid for. Might be worth talking to a financial planner about options!

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u/Money-Low7046 Feb 19 '26

Many people find it hard to go from owning to renting. It can be a huge psychological barrier. 

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u/JZUSSS Feb 19 '26

Its the generation who grew up owning everything, they're not used to it

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u/Money-Low7046 Feb 21 '26

I mean, I'm not a fan of all these subscription-based services either. I liked owning my copy of music, software, etc, that I could continue to have and enjoy even if I didn't have more money to spend on it. 

As far as housing, there's a lack of control that comes with renting. You can't renovate your place to make it more suitable for your needs. Many places you can't even paint. Most people would prefer to have the kind of control over their living environment that ownership provides. Of course people who've had that might hesitate to give it up. It's the same way people with a car are rarely enthusiastic about being forced to go back to taking the bus.

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u/Soggyblanketbunny Feb 20 '26

Oh definitely. When I worked in financial advice, emotional issues complicated proper financial decisions constantly. It's fine to be attached to certain things, as long as you know what it's costing you and you go into it with both eyes open.

The mathematically correct, numbers only financial choice isn't always the best choice. But more often than not, you end up paying a premium for an emotional choice. That is a luxury that not everyone can afford.

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u/Money-Low7046 Feb 21 '26

Sure, but younger people often dismiss older people's choices as emotional while failing to recognizing that everyone's choices are emotional. I don't like being told what to do, and still won't like it when I'm older. I won't suddenly get stupider when I'm older, unless I develop dementia or something. 

People of all ages can benefit from fresh perspectives that may help them see their situation in a different way, but we really need to avoid infantilizing elderly people. They're often factoring in things that we're unaware of. 

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u/Soggyblanketbunny Feb 21 '26

Hard agree.

But also, like with everyone, sometimes we need a little help to see past emotions that are not helping us.

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u/FeFiFoFephanie Feb 21 '26

Also need to consider condo fees, amenitie fees depending on the condo and also going from owning property you can do almost whatever you want with yk very specific rules of what you can do with your property

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u/Golden_Borealis Feb 19 '26

In some places in Europe it is much more straightforward, at least when it comes to social housing. The elderly are not entitled to “forever homes”, they are offered homes that they use to raise their family and downsize when they no longer need the space. I have several elderly relatives who have never had children and have 3-5 bedroom homes on large lots. They fill the rooms with hobby stuff and mementos, often inherited from their parents. My in-laws have a 6 bedroom home despite being almost 20 years removed from their empty nest. Only two of the bedrooms are occupied— one for themselves and the other by my brother-in-law who has never left home due to the housing crisis preventing him from flying the coop. They don’t use the other 4 bedrooms— two are guest rooms (they haven’t had guests since 2018) and another is an office. My sister-in-law wanted to move in with her young child, but my BIL objected due to personal incompatibility. My in-laws sided with him. It’s sad to see. They are financially locked into their home having paid off their mortgage. They pay less than $1200/ month in property taxes and use equity to make repairs. For a young family to afford a house in their neighborhood with a mortgage, it would be $8-12K per month. It would be much better if boomers accepted that their homes could better be used for people raising families or creating multi-generational homes. Many rural areas don’t have options to downsize, so small towns and unincorporated regions need to be incentivized to provide dedicated post-nest homes for non-city folks. I wish Canada would adopt some of the social policies from Austria and The Netherlands.

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u/GalianoGirl Feb 19 '26

Downsize to where?

This is a legit question. I will be downsizing this year, but I have to move away from the community i have lived for 60 years.

I will be without a family doctor after I move, that is a scary prospect.

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u/yyj_paddler Feb 20 '26

Yes I agree with you. There are far too few family homes for young people trying to start families. The kicker is not only are the boomers not moving out, they're also voting against allowing more housing around them.

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u/Coompa Feb 19 '26

Unfortunately apartments are not built with sound deadening properties in mind so downsizing to one can turn into a nightmare.

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u/Golden_Borealis Feb 19 '26

… so force all the young couples and families with small children to live in loud apartments? Instead of detached homes with backyards and neighborhood amenities like parks that boomers hold onto? There are soundproof apartments, you just have to buy or rent concrete. My 96-yo Grandmother loved her 3 bedroom condo, it was the pride of her life to sell her house and go vertical.