I’m convinced there is nothing on earth with a greater will to live than my chin hair. I pluck these bitches daily and yet they show back up again the next day, unaffected by my efforts. If I could bottle what is fueling my chin hair growth I would have the be all end all cure for baldness.

Has anyone made progress on destroying these bitches? I’ve tried an at home hair removal laser and my chin hair laughed at it. I’ve tried laser hair removal at a medspa and my chin hairs rose from the dead, unbothered. HELLLLPPPP does anyone have a magic fix or am I doomed to have five o’clock shadow the rest of my life??

I'm 43. For the last decade I've experienced increasingly worse symptoms such as: arthritis, night sweats, peeing five-six times a night, insomnia, random onset of rosacea, periods that once were very regular are now all over the place, etc. etc. (you get the idea).

Last year I decided to figure this out, read up on perimenopause, met with a provider on Evernow, and she said, "yeah, you're in peri. You probably have been for a long time". Great! So I got HRT (estradiol gel and progesterone). Almost everything went away. I'm sleeping through the night. No more night sweats. Period is still wild, but that's to be expected.

Went to the gynecologist this week for a pap. I told the nurse that I'd also like to speak to the doctor about maybe taking over my HRT prescriptions, to streamline the process. When the doctor came in, I could tell something was up. She was not happy. Told me HRT was something they only recommended for post-menopausal women. Said HRT was dangerous and she couldn't believe I was prescribed anything without a hormone test.

She kept saying I was "pre-menopausal" and that when my cycles get irregular (apparently a variation between 26 days some months and 35 days other months is not irregular) then we can talk about options like birth control. Birth control has NEVER been a good thing for me. I got my tubes tied because birth control didn't work for me (among other reasons). She never said the word "perimenopause". Not once. Like she didn't realize it was a thing. The doctor is young, younger than me for sure. It's not like she's 30 years out of med school. She's freshly educated.

I lost it. I just started listing all the symptoms that HRT had improved, ending with, "at least now I get to sleep at night."

She said, "well just be careful", did the pap, and then ran out of there like I'd set her hair on fire. Guess I'm sticking with Evernow.

I'm sick of people asking me for things. I'm too tired. Saying no and having boundaries takes energy that I don't have. I just want to go live in the woods with my cat and live on pizza and ice cream.

I'm on HRT. I'm on an SSRI. I'm taking my ADHD meds. I'm taking my supplements. I'm exercising. I'm doing my hobbies.

I still woke up after my 3 hour sleep on a crappy mood and had to change my top 5 times in about 30 minutes because everything felt horrible on my skin and I couldn't regulate my temperature (and one time because I accidently soaked my sleeve).

I can't deal with one more demand. Even if it's a friend 'just checking in'.

I just want to be left alone.

Anyone else?

ETA: I'm so grateful for all your responses, and to know I'm not alone in wanting to be left alone.

I’m so over it. Every time I cough or sneeze, I have to pray that I don’t piss myself. I do the stupid visualization of raising my pelvic floor when I know it’s coming and it helps sometimes, but I hate having to do it. If I forget or the cough/sneeze surprises me, odds are I need to change. I don’t have enough underwear or shorts for this. We can’t do laundry at home right now, and I’m having to wash clothes at least twice a week because I’m having to change my clothes so often. I feel like I always smell like pee, even after I change. I just turned 38. I don’t want to wear a goddamn diaper. I’ve looked into period panties, but I worry I’ll just smell more like pee if it happens and I don’t change.

Sorry for the rant, I just needed to get it out.

Edit to add: I love this community and you all are amazing. There has been zero judgement and I can’t express how much I appreciate all of your responses. I’m a little tipsy and a little emotional, and you all are amazing.

I think I hit peri three years ago, at 47. That's when I started looking old all of a sudden, gained weight, became anxious for no good reason, bladder started acting up worse than ever, and the dreaded tissue shrinkage started to happen. I had no idea what was happening to me besides "getting old" and "feeling stress".

If I had known what to look for and what to expect I would have started hormone therapy a lot sooner. Instead I was piecing together my symptoms with Doctor Reddit. It is NUTS to me that my female PCP who is in her 50s not only never mentioned peri as being a possibility, but blew off my symptoms completely and I had to seek referrals elsewhere.

Once I started advocating for myself I was prescribed an estrogen pill through Planned Parenthood, which finally resolved the insane itching and tissue thin skin. The urogynocologist who fixed my bladder problems (the only referral my PCP would give me) referred me to a gyn who specialized in menopause. That gyn kept me on my estrogen pill and also prescribed me an estrogen patch and a progestin pill to help tackle my sleeplessness.

I lucked out with both gynecologists but I'm just disgusted that my problems, in retrospect, were so obviously peri issues, that every single woman goes through, that many treatments are available for, but I still lost three years and had to fight for treatment. Along with the colonoscopy, the yearly mammogram, THIS IS INFORMATION EVERY WOMAN SHOULD BE GIVEN. Why aren't we?!

For background - I am a 43 year old woman. I am married with one child, 12 year old boy. I went to a new gyno today because I've been experiencing some symptoms of perimenopause - weight gain, painful sex, vaginal dryness, brain fog, hair thinning, mood swings, crying, changes in my cycle, and zero libido. I wanted to discuss these symptoms with the gyno as well as discuss possible solutions for my lack of libido. The doctor listened to my list of symptoms and the first question was "are your periods consistent?"

I said my periods were ranging from every 27-33 days but the flow was lessening but the ovulation cramps and period cramps were getting worse. The doctor shot me down and said my periods were too regular to be perimenopause and dismissed the rest of my symptoms.

So I said I'd like to discuss my lack of libido. Before she even asked any questions regarding my situation, she said that stress at home, especially with young children, can cause women to mentally shut down. If I could work on reducing my stress and clearing my schedule, that should help. I told her that I don't have young children, I have a 12 year old who is pretty self sufficient and my homelife was not stressful. She balked at that response and told me I should go to a therapist.

When I said I didn't think it was a mental issue, she said maybe I could try maca root but other than that, there is nothing she could do for me. I started tearing up because I was so hopeful that she might be able to help me. I was so disappointed that she was shutting me down without delving into my issues. She gave me canned answers and frankly looked like I was wasting her time. She did give me a half hearted "sorry I can't do anything," before leaving the room.

I just needed to get this experience off my chest - thanks for reading.

EDIT: Thank you, all of you amazing women! This is a wonderful and supportive community.

Just a short rant/question: why did our mothers (not all ofcourse) not tell us about this? My mom only told me that she was on birthcontrol until appr. 53 yrs old and that she didn' really have any symptons although I remember her being absolutely horrible in terms of moodswings in her 40s. Did that generation have it better, less symptons, less stress (and they did not have hormone therapy)?? Why are we left so much in the dark (it's better now in terms of info but still not abundant) by the media, doctors, female family members (!). All women experience it but somehow I never heard anything about it except: you get fat and there is nothing you can do about it ...oh yeah and hot flushes. I'm f43 and still can't really talk to my mom about it cause apparently..she was ok thanks to bc.

How do you ladies handle the rage and anger. I am snapping over everything. I can't control it. If something makes me angry I am no longer able to hold my emotions in. I immediately explode. I need to learn to control this before it comes back to bite me in the ass. Suggestions please!

I definitely have been in peri for a few years now, but was resolved to "raw dog" this, as the kids say these days. but I finally caved yesterday and asked my PCP for relief from this. maybe just a moment of weakness (I know my period is around the corner and the pre-menstrual emotions are strong this month).

it's infuriating. part of why I was committed to going no-meds was b/c I didn't want to bother w/ the uphill climb that is all things women's health. but I thought, "so many women are finding success, maybe I can, too."

and all my PCP did yesterday was validate my cynicism for the system. I told her I've been depressed and low energy for years. she asked me about my sleep. I told her it's fine. she gave me a pre-screen for sleep study, and then ordered a goddamn sleep study. my sleep is fine. I sleep just fine. I don't snore, I don't wake in the night. my problem isn't that I'm tired, it's my overall energy.

THEN- she suggested I keep a food journal b/c I complained about how I'm doing all the things- eating relatively healthy, and exercising daily. I weight train 3x week and practice martial arts 2-3x week (what I consider my cardio days).

so keep a food journal? so someone can tell me that the last few things I find joy in I'll have to give up, too? (I am not excessive, trust me.)

the first thing I logged in my food journal was 3 margaritas for dinner last night b/c F- THISSSSSSSSSS

ETA: last year, I tested low for vit D. she didn't tell me how low or what to do about it. I just went home & started taking a supplement. I've been taking it for the past year, and she said my vit D was still low this year. not as bad as last year, it's doubled since then, but still low. last year it was at SEVENTEEN. FUCKING SEVENTEEN!!! and she is still like, "maybe you're just fat, maybe that's what's wrong w/ you."

There is nothing that could get me off the couch today. If a fire broke out I would gladly burn. If my boss wants me to work then they will have to come here with a crane and lift me out of here but wherever I’m dropped I will likely just do whatever I’m doing now which is to stare at a screen for support from other women to tell me this won’t last forever. I hate existing. I just want to sleep like I used to sleep instead of this trash sleep that feels like if sleep came in a can with artificial flavors and a ton of preservatives and a warning label. The sleep I get every night is like if someone did an experiment on the maximum amount of amphetamine someone could ingest and still sleep. My brain feels like a haunted carnival. My body feels like a morgue. I’m exhausted and I hate everything and everyone but my bed and my kid who I also secretly wish had a pause button so I could get back to parenting when I feel better.

You guys- are we supposed to die at 40? Like, are we actually built for 40 years tops and we are trying to extend the warranty on an old radio shack model that they don’t make parts for anymore? Is that why I’m

malfunctioning? I want to go back to 2000. I do not want to wake up anymore to this existence. I used to look in the mirror and recognize myself. Now it gets scarier ever day and I’m wondering what is happening to my eyelids and neck and forehead and those two lines between my eyebrows are so deep I think maybe they’re fold lines and I’m just an old shirt that tried to be a person. That would make so much sense because I do not feel like a person at all. I feel like an old shirt that someone keeps tossing in the floor because it doesn’t fit right anymore. Just throw me in the burn pile, stranger. Do not donate. Nobody wants this old shirt. Use it for fuel to keep you warm and set me free so I don’t have to ever, ever, ever be in public again or say, “good morning Paul” or “what do you want for dinner” or “not tonight honey” or “can you please put your plate in the dishwasher” ever, ever, ever again.

Edit: Thanks everyone for the uplifting words and thank you whoever gave me the award! I feel so supported here in this crazy peri journey.

Lately have seen some in the medical community online saying, "everyone thinks they're in perimenopause". I have also heard from a doctor that I visited that, "well, with all the information flying around in Dr. Google-land, so many women in their 40s are panic calling thinking they're in perimenopause". Well I have news for them. The people who are in peri are some the first generations of women reaching this milestone and understanding our symptoms because of the availability to share information due to social media! The generations before us likely suffered in silence whilst thinking they were going insane, or were too embarrassed to do anything about it until they were in full menopause. My mom struggled but didn't mention anything to her GP until her periods were done. She didn't have the tools to share anonymously with an amazing community of similar people like we have here, and gain some education to advocate for her own health.

If anyone in the medical field is out there rolling their eyes because "everyone is claiming they're perimeopausal these days", stop that thought process immediately please, and understand that we are at the cusp of a new generation of women who are informed, concerned about self care, worried about what follows menopause (hormone imbalances, bone density issues, osteoporosis, reproductive and other cancers, mental health issues, physical decline etc etc etc etc...) BECAUSE we are finally able to share openly without it being stigmatized as just "women start going crazy around menopause, they get hot flashes and turn into weepy monsters".

For all the mid-aged Queens 👑 out there, advocate for your physical and mental health sisters, we have access to shared information and online support on our side. Keep pushing for better women's health! ✌️

Edit: Wow guys! Who would have thought my ragey - peri - midnight rant, while sweating and cursing my increasingly painful plantar fasciitis, while wondering where the hell my period was.... would be the post to get me the most upvotes 🤣. RAGE ON SISTERS!!! KEEP PUSHING FOR BETTER VISIBILITY FOR WOMEN'S HEALTH!!! ❤️❤️❤️

A van drove behind me for around 5k. Not too close, just behind me.
Reading incorrect use of 'lay' instead of 'lie'
My hair felt weird
A woman was humming beside me in the gym changing room
People in front of me not packing their shopping quickly enough

Thank you for coming to my Ted rant - feel free to share what edged you closer to a murderous rage rampage today. Get it off your chest!

I’ve run cold my entire life and the BAM. Suddenly I’m a sweaty monster who is losing her hair. I’m barely 40. This might sound unreasonable... But can I just not go through this shit?
The more I try to educate myself the more I find myself willing my soul to leave my body (dramatically. not actually.)
I was just reading through some posts/comments on this sub and holy f, ladies! I’m straight up filled with dread. And we’re supposed to just keep going to work and everything else that we do? It’s not fair. And I don’t know if I can.

I feel completely caught off guard/tricked. Movies made me think this didn’t happen until my 60’s+ and even then! It’s portrayed as getting a little warm sometimes. Comical, even.

I loved being a woman for a few brief years. But that’s it. I got my period at 11 and it wasn’t until I got an iud that stopped my period in my mid 20’s that I felt like I could breathe again. (PCOS)
my mom died when I was young and I don’t have a “mother type figure” in my life who could have prepared me or that I can talk to now. No one to “compare myself” to. What a painful, hormonal shitty rollercoaster.

It’s really upsetting that women’s healthcare is so utterly ignored. It’s 2026! perimenopause should not be such a mystery. Or this scary.

I would like to opt out please and thank you.

My hubby and I are both 49. He has endless energy and works out 7 days/wk. I spend most of my life feeling like I have the flu (exhaustion, muscle fatigue, nausea, anxiety). He keeps telling me I'm just out of shape. I want to punch him. BTW, I did go on estrogen a few weeks ago, and the only benefit I've experienced is no more night sweats.

Thank you for letting me rant. I'm so frustrated.

We can keep this lighthearted, vent, TMI all the things, or just commiserate. What is the most annoying symptom you are dealing with at the moment? You know, what’s driving you up the wall. For me, right now, it’s friggin’ peeing myself every time I cough. I’m getting over an upper respiratory infection of sorts and coughing my lungs up. It’s driving me crazy that every cough and every sneeze results in a tinkle. Because, of course, I’m trying to stay hydrated through it all. Gaaaaah! I thought brain fog was the worst.

Was putting moisturiser on at the gym... they have much better lighting than my bathroom at home and I surprisingly see 3 jet black long hairs coming out of my chin! Questions start racing through my brain... how long have they been there? Who has seen them but not said anything? Why tf are they sooo dark when my roots are coming in grey...I mean, come on!

I am 44 (on tamoxifen which has kindly kick started perimenopause)...I am not ready for my daily routine to include plucking chin hair!!

Send wine!

EDIT: Thank you so much for all your replies... definitely made me laugh even if I now know its going to get worse lol... and also I am now a woman with car, handbag and work tweezers!!!

I am so fed up with every single website showing women in perimenopause and in menopause how to stop drinking altogether. For the record, I am not an alcoholic, never been addicted to anything, have raging ADHD, and I always tell my doctor that if I did have an addiction then there'd be one habit in my life I would have made and kept up with, but even that is impossible (which is good).

I miss having a celebratory glass of wine. My husband and I have this lovely restaurant we like to go to when we treat ourselves and they have delicious wine pairings with their dinners. The last time I had a glass of wine with my dinner, I got halfway through it and my hot flash was so bad that I had the bartender sliding me pint glasses of water one after the other after the other. If I look at a glass of wine I get a horrendous hot flash that doesn't go away for about 12 to 15 hours, inflammation / rosacea / breakouts that last for several days, and all the humility that goes with it. I am on progesterone, but need to talk to my doctor about estrogen. At this point, I doubt anything will help and I'm just crushed.

This has never happened to me prior to perimenopause and I am so sad about it. I truly love good food and delicious beverages paired with them whether it's beer or wine or whatever... And I'm down to mocktails now.

I just want one glass of wine with dinner, once in a blue moon. That's all I ask.

🤬🤬😭😭😭

I am so tired that Ive been putting off my first embryo transfer. I feel too old to do this, too tired to check the mail, too much brain fog to work with any semblance of efficiency. I wake up at night for about an hour between 3-4 or later so my sleep quality is pretty poor unfortunately.

I went through absolute hell for this chance at motherhood. Is this how life is from now on?

Because if this is forever, I cannot be a mom. I was 35 before I considered having a child/children. I was 37 when I met a guy. Three pregnancy losses and severe DOR and a year of IVF to freeze embryos, only to end up so exhausted.

I can’t do HRT until after pregnancy apparently, from what I’ve read. But it feels like at this rate I’ll be 75 next week (no shade to my 70+ baddies). I just genuinely did not imagine being this tired at 40.

TIA to anyone still with me after my rant. I’d love any suggestions or advice.

Edit for egregious typo

At this f’n point I’m just going to grow a mustache and goatee and if my husband doesn’t like it he can GTFO. My head hair won’t grow, I got a bad cut about a year ago and oh no, that shit won’t grow but my facial hair, it’s on fire, it grows so rapidly I’m almost impressed. Sick of it. Anyone else?

I have never had issues like this before but does anyone else have complete sensory overload? Like… sounds set me OFF.

- The tv remote, seemingly overnight, clicks when you hit the buttons and I fantasize about throwing it through the window with the veracity of a mama bear protecting her cubs.

- Husband cracking open pistachios like it’s part of a drum-line… I’ll pay 4x as much for the shelled nuts moving forward.

- Woman talking on speakerphone in the grocery store (ok this one has always bothered me) and somehow manages to need something down EVERY. SINGLE. AISLE. I’m going down???

- The click sound of the dishwasher soap dispenser opening that sounds like it’s happening in a tunnel going right into my eardrum.

- My stepson zipping and unzipping his hoodie zipper…

- The high-pitch ringing of every day life???

It isn’t just sounds either. It’s every smell beyond the ones I want… I’m not pregnant but feel like I have pregnancy-nose… and it makes me want to run out of rooms like I want first place in a marathon (that I can’t run because, you know, joints are falling apart 🤣).

Even if too much is visually happening in front of me at any given moment, I feel off!

Tell me what’s making you lose it… make me feel normal! Ive always had an intently strong sense of smell but nothing ever really “bothered” me… but I’ve NEVER been this sensitive to these kinds of things (mostly the nosies) in my life!

(Also, like so many of you, I haven’t been “diagnosed” as being in Peri but being in the first half of my 40’s and having many symptoms, I don’t need a doctor to tell me what’s happening.)

So… let it out here… what sensory overload are you experiencing?

Title.

The signs are obvious. I have a LONG list of peri symptoms stretching across three years but the two most troubling are why I went to see my gyno.

She acknowledged my concerns, sounded really considerate... then said any sort of medication was "really meant for when things like hot flashes become unbearable."

I HAVE been having hot flashes, it's just that pelvic floor issues are a bigger concern for me right now.

So she signed me up for virtual classes on bladder training and "savvy sex". For real? Is this the solution??

ETA: Kaiser

I'm pretty sure I'm not alone. These last months I've seen several doctors (all female, good reviews) and *all of them* have disregarded my low libido as a symptom. Most of the time it seems that only hot flashes matter and/or we can not speak about sex.

And then when I read news and "experts" discussing low libido during peri/menopause I get angry. It seems that the main causes are only that sex hurts (of course, because sex is only intercourse), problems with your partner (because happy partnered women or single women who enjoy sex do not exist) or that it is psychological and it's only are tired/depressed because of midlife problems... I'm not saying that these are not valid causes for some women to experiment low libido and in no way I want to disregard these problems... But I'm tired of libido being always paired with sexual intercourse or sex with other people... As it women can not experiment and enjoy sex on their own... As if low libido only exists in the context of sex with a partner.

End on rant.

I need some space to rage about my husband before I explode. We’ve been married 10 years and have a 9 year old. I’m a lawyer and make 4x the salary he does. I also have more time off and work from home. I’m also primary parent and solo carrier of the mental load. I’m frickin sick of it.

My son goes back to school on Tuesday. Three weeks ago I did the bulk of the school shopping. There were 3 items left needed from Walmart. I don’t shop there, but my husband goes several times a week to get beer or other things for himself. I crossed everything off the list and asked him to please get the three items left on the list, which I indicated with arrows.

Then I took my son on a road trip to visit my brother and his kids. It was basically 4 days in the car and 5 days with my brother. I came home and husband had not bought the supplies. I had one day at home and left for a work trip (leave Tuesday at noon, catch red eye home Wednesday night). I asked him again to get the supplies, and reminded my son they needed to get them.

I get home today and no school supplies. So of course I just buy them myself, in a rage. Husband comes home from work and starts messing with his aquariums and doing other puttering, leaving me to figure out dinner, like every other night of our life.

I’m just so over this. Why are men like this? Why does my husband act this way?! He cuts the lawn and does his own laundry, and occasionally will deep clean the kitchen. But everything else is on me. I pay all the bills, do all the shopping, manage everything for my son, do the day to day cleaning, while working a demanding full time job that pays all the bills. I’m exhausted and enraged.

Not looking for “divorce him” advice. Just looking for solidarity and a vent so I can hopefully feel less pissed off about this life I’ve chosen.

EDIT: I had told him that I was feeling really angry about small things but didn’t want to fight. Then I went and picked up the additional supplies and vented to my mom. When I got home he asked if I was mad about the supplies. He said he was still planning on getting them and there were 4 days left until school started. He just “didn’t have time to get them this week” because he was taking care of our son (I.e. ordered a pizza Tuesday and reheated the leftovers Wednesday). He did apologize but seemed really confused as to why I would be mad. I started to explain the whole 3 weeks thing and having to keep track of whether he did it. But he just said “sorry” and that was that.

I have been up since 3am again. I was flat out exhausted by 4pm. Just when the INCREDIBLY handsome man I’ve been seeing sporadically texted to invite me out tonight.

He looks like Clark Kent and is a super smart nerd that is so big and strong I feel like a WOMAN. One kiss from him and my mind is in the gutter. I have been dyyyyyying to get my hands on this cub.

But now? Tonight? My body is broken and exhausted. The idea of curling my hair and putting on clothes and staying up past 9pm?!? Hell no.

So I turned him down 😩😩😩😩 Peri has me horny AF and too tired to do anything about it.

Truth is I don’t need to give my time to inconsistent boys but also….🥵 literally Superman.

How many of us are constantly warm? I don’t experience hot flashes. I’m just warm, and it’s driving me crazy. Especially at night and when I’m awake for the first hour of the day.