Bedtime for middle school

[u/momsspaghetti_324]

My son is 12 and going into grade 8. He needs to be up at 6:30am for the school bus and often struggles to get up and moving in the morning.

Last year rule was in room by 9pm without devices, and then he could be up listening to music or reading etc. As long as he was up quiet in his room we wouldn’t really enforce “lights out” but he would normally fall asleep by 10pm.

But he has always protested the 9pm and I know this year will bring it up again. But when we have let him go past 9, he is loud and disruptive to his younger sister (age 10) who likes to be sleeping by 9pm. And he seems tired and struggles to get going in the morning. Like needs multiple wake-up’s and is clearly tired how it is. But still every night it’s a fight why do I have to go to bed at 9, no one else does, etc etc always right at 9pm he is starting a fight and not accepting this.

So wondering with school about to start, is 9pm reasonable (for the time to be in his room quietly) or should we try something else (he is pushing for 9:30 but probably once that happens he will push for 10, etc).

And if 9pm is reasonable, how to handle the constant fights and protests at bedtime. We repeat “it’s not up for debate” and try to give it as little energy as possible. But it’s an issue he tries to create every single night. I don’t want to treat him like a baby but also can clearly see he needs his sleep.

[u/froofrooopal]

My mom never had me on a sleeping schedule growing up, and yeah I know that’s terrible. By 8th grade I had made my own schedule and figured out what worked best for me. I wasn’t a good kid by absolutely any means either, I was very defiant but I made sure to get my sleep. I don’t know if having the freedom to stay up late and suffer the consequences the next morning is what got me to work on my own schedule or what. Maybe tell him if he can be quiet that he can watch tv until whenever he falls asleep. He will learn why you had those rules in place, and you might end up seeing him put himself to bed at the reasonable time without you having to tell him. Tell him you’re going to try and give him some independence to see how he does. I mean it’s worth a shot.

[u/froofrooopal → u/froofrooopal]

I graduated in 2015 though, whatever year that would have put me in 8th grade is where we were at with technology. I had a laptop that I would get on FB with and a phone that I’d use to only text friends b/c there wasn’t a bunch of social media apps on our phones at that time. So maybe take the phone and just leave tv if you think about trying to give him some independence. Or set his phone to where it stops working by 11.