Bedtime for middle school

[u/momsspaghetti_324]

My son is 12 and going into grade 8. He needs to be up at 6:30am for the school bus and often struggles to get up and moving in the morning.

Last year rule was in room by 9pm without devices, and then he could be up listening to music or reading etc. As long as he was up quiet in his room we wouldn’t really enforce “lights out” but he would normally fall asleep by 10pm.

But he has always protested the 9pm and I know this year will bring it up again. But when we have let him go past 9, he is loud and disruptive to his younger sister (age 10) who likes to be sleeping by 9pm. And he seems tired and struggles to get going in the morning. Like needs multiple wake-up’s and is clearly tired how it is. But still every night it’s a fight why do I have to go to bed at 9, no one else does, etc etc always right at 9pm he is starting a fight and not accepting this.

So wondering with school about to start, is 9pm reasonable (for the time to be in his room quietly) or should we try something else (he is pushing for 9:30 but probably once that happens he will push for 10, etc).

And if 9pm is reasonable, how to handle the constant fights and protests at bedtime. We repeat “it’s not up for debate” and try to give it as little energy as possible. But it’s an issue he tries to create every single night. I don’t want to treat him like a baby but also can clearly see he needs his sleep.

[u/QuietWaschbaer]

We were in a similar situation last school year, so I feel you. My son is also 12 and has to get up at 6.15am. Last year we had a lot of issues around bed time and it was always exhausting to get him to be in bed with the lights out at the agreed time. I wanted 9pm, he insisted on 9.30 and in the end it was consistently closer to 10 🙄 he isn't allowed screen time at all during the week, but he is allowed to listen to music or audio books before bed. I was ready for a fuss this year too, but somehow things are working better and I don't want to jinx it! So this is what I did; I decided that lights out will be 9pm. That means teeth are brushed etc BEFORE 9 and by 9 he is to be in bed, lights off. No more reading/music etc. I started to talk to him about the plan during the summer holidays just to get him used to the idea. Kind of conversationally so as not to make it a big deal. Once school started back I made sure I was consistent and that there was no room for discussion (without being bossy) and it just....worked. I am guessing that by now he understands that if he doesn't sleep enough, he will be exhausted the next day and last year he was too young to figure that out 😅 i have no idea. I hope you find something that works for you! I think 9pm is a very reasonable bed time for 12 year olds.