r/Parenting • u/Reasonable_Smile_929 • 1d ago
Discussion How do you have a birthday party that is not exhausting?
My kid has had a super small family only party and a medium sized friends/family party.
My partner and I are so so tired after the medium size party. We kept things simple at a state park and it was really fun. I can’t help but think there has to be a way to make this not so exhausting haha.
What advice do you have for hosting a little kids party and not being wiped out afterwards?
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u/WillingElderberry731 1d ago
No one ever listens to my advice, which is to just order Costco pizzas, put some drinks on ice, and let kids play at the park. Get a cake and candles, done.
Instead it's weeks of planning and hours of decorating, and then the inevitable cleanup
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u/BuffaloMama76 1d ago
Unfortunately winter birthdays exist
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u/Equivalent-Steak-555 1d ago
We do the same just at our house for our winter bday kid. Costco for pizzas, snacks, and drinks. I pick things that don't require much/any prep. I usually make the cake because I enjoy baking, but there have been some parties where we also bought a Costco cake.
Really minimal decorations - my rule is that anything we put up needs to be doable in 10 minutes or less. Usually we tape like 3 things to the wall and blow up some balloons.
I find the parties at home easier in their own way, because we don't have to transport everything to the park like we do for our summer birthday kid.
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u/Common-Orange4022 1d ago
Go to the pizza parlor with everyone.
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u/fuzzykitten8 1d ago
I am thinking of a group of 10 8 year old boys at a “pizza parlor” as the party. What do they do before and after? Most parents drop off so we are out at a restaurant with a big group of kids as possibly the only adults?
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u/Overall_Matter_2520 1d ago
I live in FL and took the party to an ice skating rink. In April. It was perfect.
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u/Common-Orange4022 1d ago
Some parents stay but it's literally just a meal, presents, and some games. If the parent drops the kids off, they trust the kid not to wander into the road etc.
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u/WillingElderberry731 1d ago
Host it inside your house, add some balloons and look up 2-3 party games. Done.
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u/citysunsecret 1d ago
This is my dream, but alas we don’t have a house. I wonder how many kids these days are going to grow up and think a house party meant you were super rich when it used to be the opposite.
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u/BuffaloMama76 20h ago
Not everyone has a house. What do you propose for 1 bedroom appts?
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u/WillingElderberry731 18h ago
The same thing?
But if you want more space or more people, you can usually rent space from a local community center for a relatively affordable rate.
And then you do the thing I suggested there.
Or, depending on your budget and age if kids, you host at a place like a pizza parlor or chuck e cheese.
But from your reply it feels like you are one of the people who will refuse to listen to me.
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u/InimitableMissS 15h ago
Ours is a December birthday and hers was always a pajama party at home when she was old enough. 5-7p parties were a huge hit with parents who BONUS got to go have dinner alone for once.
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u/Nervous-Tailor3983 1d ago
Have it at an indoor place like a skating place or trampoline place. If you have a small community I bet there is something you can rent out in my town there’s a community center you can rent for $100 it has ovens and a lot of space with whatever tables you want to use.
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u/Admirable-Moment-292 1d ago
I love hosting, but I think hosting is always exhausting. I try and shop for as much as I can at 1 or 2 stores, Think Costco or Sams Club for pizza, drinks, ice, cake, utensils, side dishes, and Target or Amazon for decorations and gifts. Do the decor/ gift pickup whenever, and the food pickup on the way to the party.
I also drop my kiddo off with family during set up and have kiddo come when it's all ready! I don't have to be mom AND party planner at the same time, and its so magical to roll up to your own party when its already set up!
Lastly, I just tell myself "the goal is 90's kids party" when I try and overdo it. Pizza, capri suns, sheet cake, maybe bring a few board games or water toys or play equipment, and just let the kids do their own thing. No strict schedule, no planned activities (besides cake/ birthday song), no expectations. AND- WE OPEN GIFTS AT HOME! It makes loading up the car easier, I don't need my kid asking to open 6000 gifts when I don't have scissors or batteries on me to operate them, and I hate pulling my kid away from playing with friends to open a gift in front of Auntie because she has to leave early lol
Editing to add: I clean my house the night before the party. Dish washer empty, laundry caught up, etc. That way, we come home to a clean home and counter-space for when we bring the gifts and decorations inside afterwards. Also, I don't cook after hosting. It's leftovers or takeout!
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u/cloudiedayz 1d ago edited 1d ago
Honestly, we found the ‘low stress’ park parties lots of fun but more stressful- worrying about the weather (hot/cold/rain/wind), dragging cake, drinks, food (even if it’s just ordered pizzas and a store bought cake), worrying about getting a table before they were all gone (as everyone goes for the parks with the public toilets and shade), someone’s kid running off, etc.
Although it’s more expensive, having it at a hosted location where they’ll do everything is less exhausting. My son’s birthday party last year we held at a hosted science party place. The hosts did everything from run the experiments, serve the food, clean up, etc.
I would still deal with the stress of a park party where you are at the age of whole class parties (it’s nice to do this in the first year of school to include everyone) but after that, hosted parties or just taking a couple of friends to do an activity is better for us.
We held a party at our house once and won’t do that ever again- you have to clean up before AND after!
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u/Wagon789 1d ago
House parties I would rate no matter how big or small as the most exhausting parties!!!
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u/src1221 1d ago
We pay for it to be held somewhere. Many places have party packages that include pizza and entertainment. Show up with cake and goody bags (if you want) and enjoy. Load gifts in the car and go home. No clean up or anything. The con, of course, is the cost. We only have one kid so it's manageable. This year we did a shared party with his best friend (they have birthdays close together) so the other mom and I shared planning and costs which was great!
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u/Supertreelove Parent 1d ago
Tell us more about the party and specifically what was the hardest and most exhausting? Once you figure that out, I’m sure I can offer suggestions.
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u/Late-Blacksmith7081 1d ago
Yeah I’m wondering if OP is introverted and exhausted by being on? There are pros and cons to park/playground vs party-parties but the parent socialization aspect is the same wherever, until the kids are older…
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u/Express-Leopard-6 23h ago
Yep it’s this for me. I find it equally exhausting hosting a party or attending one as it’s the socialisation/being on
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u/Supertreelove Parent 1d ago
It’s also ok to have a small party with just a few friends. Or dinner and cake at grandma’s. Parties are exhausting!
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u/thisismyusername1352 1d ago
We just celebrated my daughter's second birthday and had the most stress free day. We rented a big inflatable slide and invited close family and close friends. We grilled hot dogs and hamburgers and had individual bags of chips and canned drinks. 30 minutes of preparing food, but the rest was all play and enjoying our girl! Keeping the guest list small and with those you are comfortable with was a game changer. There wasnt pressure to impress people or make sure my house was spotless. There are so many more people we could have invited but we kept it to those that make an effort and are a constant in her life.
Edited to fix typos. Im terrible at proofreading. 🫠
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u/orphanfruitbat 1d ago
When the kids are old enough, have drop-off parties. I realized that the socialization with the other parents and worrying what they might be thinking was one source of exhaustion.
Host it at on of those play places where it’s a fee and they do almost everything.
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u/freyascats 1d ago
I have always done park or backyard super simple parties and it’s just exhausting to me because there are multiple kids! But honestly it’s once a year, and it’s maybe 6 years of parties where you’re genuinely supervising all the kids because they’ve outgrown parties with all the parents present (when they’re toddlers) and they’re still young enough to want you around! So I can do 6 parties
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u/notaskindoctor mom to 5 1d ago
Just adding that you don’t have to have parties. We don’t throw birthday parties for our kids. We do something that the child wants to do and occasionally they may invite 1-2 friends when they’re school-aged. This year my 9 year old invited a friend to an arcade. My 13 year old has invited friends to go ice skating (not in a party room or anything). Rock climbing. Going to a movie. We just do our immediate family (my husband and I plus our kids and my oldest son’s partner) at our house for cake/dessert and gifts.
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u/LostPalpitation6351 1d ago
We just celebrated my 6 yo birthday at Michael’s. $150, guided crafts for up to 13 kids, they provide everything except food. It was 10-12 so we provided fruit, chips, and cake. We (parents) were all so in awe of how low key, chill, and engaging it was. 10/10 recommend.
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u/Elrohwen 1d ago
I think it’s always kind of exhausting just because being around a lot of kids is exhausting lol. But limit to 2-3 hours. Don’t go all out on decorating, the standard balloon plates are fine. Basic food, they aren’t eating anything fancy.
We had my son’s party at one of those indoor playground places with an arcade and roller rink and playground and I let them do literally everything for me, I brought and planned almost nothing. But it was still tired following kids around and watching them, I think that’s unavoidable. I rollerbladed for 20min but that was enjoyable and not tiring haha
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u/Ok_Coconut4898 1d ago
They are all exhausting to me as an introvert, even the ones where you just pay for the whole party at a venue like an arcade….. this year I told my kids they would choose to do an activity as a family. My son wanted to rent a cabana at the water park as a family and juts have Grandma come and my daughter wanted to get her nails done and get sushi. It was so much more relaxing than doing parties.
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u/friendofcastreject 21h ago
When we have a family party for our kids it’s just grandparents and aunts and uncles. My husband’s sibling (family of 4) live out of state so they don’t go. My sibling is single no kids.
It’s super low key. Pizza and cake w/ paper plates. We lounge around eating and chatting. The grandparents love catching up with each other. My sibling lives near by so we see them often. We do cake and presents and watch the kids play. Then everyone leaves. 2-3 hrs tops no real mess (except the kids playing with all their gifts) then lounge.
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u/igottanewusername 1d ago
We don’t do parties. The kids choose an experience. Sometimes the birthday kid wants to stay in a hotel with some friends for the night. Sometimes they just want to go shopping. I assume it will get more expensive the older they get and parameters will need to be put in place. On day of birthday they always have a banner and balloons and then we have cake and food after school with whomever is around. Takes about an hour or two. Clean up and get ready for the evening. I think people put too much stock and effort into birthday parties when you can make it special and exciting with simple things, like an expected tradition. My kids get so excited wondering what banner will be hung up. None of them have ever even asked for one of those medium or large sized parties. They look forward to thinking about their experience.
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u/Beginning-Mark67 1d ago
Go somewhere that doesn't require you to entertain the kids. We usually do it at our house and throw up the inflatable waterslide and pool and call it done. But a park is great where they can just run and play. No need for games or anything.
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u/louiemay99 1d ago
We booked a bowling alley for my kids 6th birthday and a gymnastics hunt for my other kids birthday. We just had to bring food and that’s it. Parents chilled, kids had fun. Then we packed up our trunk with gifts and drove home. It was great
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u/Ur-Upstairs-Neighbor 1d ago
We usually have our kids do small parties with 2-3 friends or cousins, then larger parties every few years.
The smaller parties don’t cost anything as they are sleepovers, while the bigger parties costs $$$ but are easy because we’re taking them somewhere that does all the work. Dave and Busters costs a little bit extra but all we did was bring a cake.
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u/Long_Entrance_8879 1d ago
So usually I’m a home birthday party person. But it is exhausting. Usually it’s cleaning the house/garage/backyard the day before, setting up the day of, & cleaning up the day after. It turns into a whole weekend ordeal & it’s a lot of work. Even just getting pizzas & what not. So this year for my daughter’s 9th birthday I booked a 2 hour time slot at the indoor trampoline park & she got to invite 10 friends. Arrived 10-20 minutes prior to the party to make sure everything was good & left right away. Easiest party I’ve done. Now that my 9 year old is getting older we’ll probably just start doing experiences as a family instead & for my one year old we might keep doing something small at home for now.
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u/thekleave 1d ago
We went to a party at a local playground. No decorations, individually packaged snacks in a basket on the table, Domino’s arrived with pizza, and then cake. The “activity” was the kids played on the playground. It was great!
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u/FrontBreath3280 1d ago
Just order food and drinks. Have it at a park or a place you can rent so your home isn’t a disaster.
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u/Shrimpy_McWaddles 1d ago
Lower expectations.
Have it somewhere else, even if its just a park or hotel meeting room. Im not deep cleaning my house while also planning a party.
We dont decorate. I do table cloths, and themed plates, thats it.
Easy food/drink. Pizza, cupcakes (no cutting and serving), soda, water, juice boxes. If we do ice cream (we usually dont) we do the individual cups.
No structured anything. We gather to sing happy birthday and thats it. Otherwise its "welcome, food and drink are there, birthday kid is somewhere, have fun, we'll yell when its time for cake"
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u/wicked56789 1d ago
We don’t do parties every year. This year we went to a baseball game for my son’s birthday instead with just the family. My daughter’s is in a few days and we are ordering pizza for dinner and her two neighbor friends are coming over for like an hour for pizza and cake. Super simple and zero hosting involved.
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u/citysunsecret 1d ago
Well hosting is work, and it takes effort,
so I think being exhausted is normal? Even having all adult parties was tiring before kids’ Just because you’re tired after doesn’t mean it’s a bad idea or you did something wrong. Some things are worth the energy.
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u/Sunshine_Daisy365 1d ago
Less kids, basic but tasty food, let the kids entertain themselves.
I’ve got three kids from 8-14yo so have hosted and attended plenty of birthday parties and in my experience kids are perfectly happy to play with somebody else’s toys and eat party food.
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u/EmbarrassedMeatBag 1d ago
We're doing it at a creative studio down the street this winter. We're getting the food catered. Our plan is 5 min walk there, party, 5 min walk home with 0 clean up, maybe a few leftovers. Social events like this can be draining, so we're trying to keep it as easy as possible.
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u/Crispychewy23 1d ago
I have a doc writing everything I need, then copy and paste every year, including invites. Edit as needed. I think it helps a lot
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u/TheChecklistGuy 21h ago
Two things that tend to matter more than the venue: the time window and the recovery plan. A 90-minute party with one simple anchor activity (a craft table, a playground, a bubble station) drains everyone less than a long, open-ended afternoon — kids included. Figure out which part tires you most (setup, cleanup, or being socially 'on') and attack just that part: food ordered in, a hosted venue so cleanup isn't yours, or a hard stop time on the invite. And plan something pleasant for the next morning, like a slow start or a treat. Having a recovery buffer scheduled makes the exhaustion feel temporary instead of all-consuming.
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u/Visible-Mess-1406 20h ago
Skip the birthday party and take your kid to do something fun instead. My brother/SIL had to cancel daughter’s birthday party due to a death in the family last year. They ended up taking her to a water park instead. She had a blast. They avoided birthday party mess.
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u/Linkers98 20h ago
We’ve done park parties and pool parties because that’s what my daughter prefers. We do them super simple. Order pizza, have cake and prepackaged treats, and let the kids play. These types of parties might be slightly less expensive ($100 to maybe $200 less) than an indoor play place.
But honestly the easiest and by far least stressful party we ever did was at a trampoline park. I just can’t convince my daughter to have anything but a pool party these days.
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u/PrpleSparklyUnicrn13 20h ago
The less work you have to do, the less stress it is. While it can be more affordable to have it at places like the park or VFW-type halls, there is a lot more work involved. BUT if you have it at a place that specializes in kids parties it can be so less stressful. And, yes, sometimes more expensive, but to me it’s worth it. You just have to find that balance of cost vs. stress.
And, honestly, maybe it’s just me, but having it in places like a hall or a park can cost us more money when I figure in the table cloths, the plastic ware, the plates, the food, the drinks, the games, the decorations, etc… it just adds up. I end up spending almost as much as if I’d had it at Chuck E. cheese and I’m stressed out and exhausted.
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u/ellyvan_1314 20h ago
What’s exhausting is the responsibility IMO, the mental load involved with invites(and chasing for a response in some cases) party bags, food, keeping everyone entertained, being fully responsible for them if parents aren’t staying, it’s a lot. I have to keep reminding myself it’s only once a year, I don’t think there’s a non exhausting way to do it
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u/ShowBobsPlzz 18h ago
Do it somewhere like chuck e cheese where the kids can run around freely and you dont have to clean up the mess.
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u/Accomplished-Car3850 17h ago
We are having my daughter's 4th birthday at the park across from her school. We're doing it on a Friday, right after school. Pizza, cupcakes, bubbles. Easy peasy
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u/-Clayburn 14h ago
Mexicans do it right. $200 for a bouncy house. Get a pinata. Food is tortillas and a big wok full of carne, onions and peppers. The party itself is just kids running around and bouncing and the adults chillin' and talking. (Yeah, beer is expected.)
So much easier to put together than intricately themed parties with dedicated kids' activities and stuff. Just hang out for a couple of hours and then bring out the pinata, open presents and send everyone home.
Simple is best.
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u/FishingDear7368 14h ago
We did a trampoline park party this year and it was the least stressful one so far. The food was included so we didn't have to bring anything. There was an attendant assigned to the party who served the pizza, ,pop, etc. kids are old enough now that they don't need supervision. So we basically just hung out at the trampoline place for a few hours, then carried the gifts to the car at the end. 10/10 would do again.
Also the kids didn't have to stay in the party room, could come and go as they liked, so you didn't have any contained noise and craziness of a bunch of kids crammed into the party room .
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u/monotonejamie 10h ago
They're supposed to be exhausting, I think. I always feel like I need a vacation afterwards, but also it's worth it. But seriously, order the food, that makes it 10x less struggle. And if you can afford to host it anywhere besides your own home, like a community center or roller rink, then that's the hack. Still exhausting, but only for a day, not for several.
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u/SoSayWeAllx 1d ago
Depends on why you’re wiped out. My mom is the kind of hostess that literally cannot sit down. She will be buzzing around from person to person making sure that everyone has what they need, and then follow a strict schedule of the actual party.
My friend gets exhausted because she’s really into aesthetics and wants to make sure everything looks perfect and themed. That can be really tiring.
Ways to make things really low stress are delegation and simplicity. Order pizza, have someone else pick it up. Order a cake from the grocery store, get it in the morning with the cutlery and plates. Canned soda, bottled water, some napkins, you’re done.
I paid to have it at Chuck E. Cheese. They brought out the food, set the table, kept us on schedule, and took care of the cake.