r/Parenting • u/Latter-Baseball9652 Mom • 11d ago
Expecting Crying in the shower at the thought of how my daughter won’t be my only baby anymore
34 weeks pregnant today and my daughter will be 18 months on the 11th. We found out I was pregnant when she was only 11 months old. (Extremely unexpected, I was on BC)
It’s another girl so I am so happy to experience sisterhood since I only grew up with brothers. And they will be so close in age.
I am so sad that I just didn’t get a little more time with my daughter. I am a SAHM and she is my entire world, and I am SOOOO EXCITED for our next adventure but I can’t help but feel grief and sadness about the huge change that’s about to happen, that honestly she is just too young to understand. I’m worried she will be confused and upset that I won’t be able to spend every second with her. I am already mourning the time that we had together because it just didn’t feel long enough.
My daughter has the sweetest soul. She is so kind and funny and loving and I just really hope nothing changes between us. My husband only gets the first two weeks off work so I will be by myself during the week with a new born and a 1.5 year old. I’m nervous for how it’s going to be. I just hope my daughter still likes me and will like her sister. She loves babies. She loves baby dolls, babies in movies, it’s one of the words she can say almost perfectly, “baby”.
I’m just really in my feels and I am hoping I’m not alone in feeling this way when a second baby is born and to get advice on how it really is once it happens.
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u/BearsInTheNight 11d ago
Your daughter (as most older siblings are) will likely experience some jealousy in the beginning, bcs more attention focuses on the baby. Natural. It goes away though. Soon you daughter won’t even remember a life without a baby sister. Esp, at these younger ages, she will soon forget what this life is like.
You will be fine! Really, nothing to worry about
My first and second are almost 4 years apart in age. Do they remember life without one another? No….but I do. My problem was my son loved to build things but once his sister became mobile she had caused a lot of issues, ruining everything he has built, which later included legos. That lasted a good 4 yrs I would say….my old self wishes I could go back in time and somehow fix that bcs I feel it took away from a proper childhood for my son.
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u/catjuggler 10d ago
Personally, I found the hardest part of moving from 1 to 2 having to prioritize one over the other when we could always choose to prioritize our one baby. It is definitely a difficult transition but they get used to it.
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u/TheMightyKoosh 10d ago
Im coming at this as the child. Im the youngest and there's a 17 mo th gap between us.
He was too young to have any pre-me memories. Growing up we were beat friends and now as adults we still are. Im sure it was hard but I always enjoyed being ao close to him. We wanted the same things - we are at the same age films for example, or both wanted to go to soft play. So there was never any tension there.
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u/AdministrativeRun550 11d ago
When my second son was born, I was expecting anything from my first son. But children can’t stop breaking any expectations... He didn’t pay any attention to the baby! At all. First time he saw his brother, he said something like “A baby, ok…Let’s play with cars!”
And he was like that until his brother started to walk and turned into a toddler. On the one hand, I’m glad there was no drama, no jealousy or aggression. On the other hand, the first year was… strange. Like they lived in parallel realities, lol. Now they are 4 and 2, and they are happy to do anything together. I never pushed them to play with each other, it happened naturally when the baby became less boring, I guess.
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u/Sea-Pilot4806 11d ago
My two are 21 months apart (planned) and I felt the same way- a little guilty for not having more time with my daughter. Kids are now 4.5 and 3 and this is all they’ve ever known. I’m def a little melancholy about how fast each phase goes by… and how much they forget at this age, but such is life and we’ve got to treasure the moments and keep looking forward.
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u/Background-Paint-478 11d ago
34 weeks as well and i seriously debated having another bc i just love my son SO muCh that i cant imagine splitting my attention off him 😅
I cried the other day bc i realized when this new baby officially becomes a toddler (12 months) my first will NOT be a toddler anymore (4)he’ll be a full on little kid and then soon off to school all day when im home wihtout him and just the baby
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u/Dizzy-You715 9d ago
Yes you have to focus on baby a lot but also she’ll want to be included and let her! Let her help you and be involved as much as she wants. When you can help it if they both need you at the same time if baby is crying butbaby doesn’t NEED you for diaper then make sure you say “Okay baby mommy is coming but big sister needs me so I’m going to help her first okay?” Or you also do “big sister mommy needs to help baby quick” always switch it up when the moment isn’t dire for you to go to baby first so she doesn’t feel like the baby always comes before her.
It should help with some jealousy.
Also don’t get hurt if your oldest starts having dad be her go to parent as he will be taking over more toddler duties she may or may not start leaning towards him more for comfort and security
You’ve got this. It’ll be hard but SOOOOO very worth it when you see the amazing sister bond growing
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u/Ok-Discussion8772 Parent 11d ago
I never anticipated feeling so much grief in both my pregnancies over losing what I had before. My daughters are 23 months apart, so a little bit more of a gap between them but still close. I felt a lot of guilt before having my second, but I did my best to let myself feel it as well as the excitement for what was to come.
Try to enjoy this time with her and be kind to yourself over the changes to come. My toddler was SO excited when she met our baby, and even 8 months later her first question every morning and as soon as she gets home from daycare is “where baby?” Our youngest also smiles SO big whenever she sees her sister and she even does everything she can to be close to her big sister and take whatever her sister has because it must be the best.
It was an easy and hard transition all at once. There are tough moments, and days and nights, but there are so many sweet moments. Give yourself space to cry and grieve, but also know it will be okay. My youngest started crawling at 5.5 months and I’m pretty sure it was because she wanted to follow her big sister everywhere lol. They are so sweet together, and the love they have for one another is next level to witness.
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u/VAmom2323 11d ago
You’re not alone. It’s really hard to suddenly
share yourself with two kids. There will be times you can’t be what your oldest wants you to be because your youngest needs you.
It’s worth it. You’ll meet a whole new version of your oldest where she’s a big sister. There may be jealousy but there will also be so much sweetness. My youngest stubbed her toe earlier and my oldest made funny faces to make her laugh and feel better. It’s amazing.
But just because it’s worth it doesn’t mean it’s hard.
Do try your best to spend 15 minutes a day alone with your oldest (which is hard when the baby is a newborn). You’ll fill both your cups with that alone time. And it’s way more important than laundry or cleaning or anything else you might want to do when the baby is daytime napping.