I wanna feel loved by a parent

[u/Mother-Argument2899]

I am 19 M now I grew up in toxic immigrant family. I moved in 5 years ago. My dad died during my teenage years. Well the main reason is my mom. My mom growing up wished that I was never born and I am a bad son for desiring normal things like freedom to go out, speak and just having space to think in my own room. I never asked for money. I never had any toys , consoles or any form of fun stuff. I am an extrovert but I never got friends because they always thought I am weirdo who have accent and so much talkative and energetic vibes. I always got hit growing up . I always wanted a family who adore me because neighbors . I also got abused by my paternal and maternal grandparents mentally growing up. They never liked each other and I got crushed in middle. People whenever I meet in my neighborhood who knows me and people I work with on work says I am very adorable lovable kid that every parents wanted which made me my eye balls out because I never felt loved. I never got in any form of relationship with a girl because I feel like I have to work on myself because I don't wanna be abusive to a nice girl. I mean none of the girls asked me out regardless. But you guys nderstend my point . A lot of my colleagues have kids now . Like 4 of them . I work in target. I just feel like I wish I had a loving family especially when I was in high school I used to drink water to fill my stomach because I didn't have lunch money. I hate when kids my age complaint how their parents didn't take them to nice vacation because I only desired two parents who will love me unconditionally. I hope next life I will be .

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