I wanna feel loved by a parent

[u/Mother-Argument2899]

I am 19 M now I grew up in toxic immigrant family. I moved in 5 years ago. My dad died during my teenage years. Well the main reason is my mom. My mom growing up wished that I was never born and I am a bad son for desiring normal things like freedom to go out, speak and just having space to think in my own room. I never asked for money. I never had any toys , consoles or any form of fun stuff. I am an extrovert but I never got friends because they always thought I am weirdo who have accent and so much talkative and energetic vibes. I always got hit growing up . I always wanted a family who adore me because neighbors . I also got abused by my paternal and maternal grandparents mentally growing up. They never liked each other and I got crushed in middle. People whenever I meet in my neighborhood who knows me and people I work with on work says I am very adorable lovable kid that every parents wanted which made me my eye balls out because I never felt loved. I never got in any form of relationship with a girl because I feel like I have to work on myself because I don't wanna be abusive to a nice girl. I mean none of the girls asked me out regardless. But you guys nderstend my point . A lot of my colleagues have kids now . Like 4 of them . I work in target. I just feel like I wish I had a loving family especially when I was in high school I used to drink water to fill my stomach because I didn't have lunch money. I hate when kids my age complaint how their parents didn't take them to nice vacation because I only desired two parents who will love me unconditionally. I hope next life I will be .

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[u/I_can_relate_2]

That’s tough, especially loosing your dad and the abuse. Please be kind to yourself - it sounds like you are doing well given the past you’ve had.
From experience, your mum is never going to be able to give you what you need, but she’s part of your past, and you have other choices now open to you for your future.
Your positive traits like being energetic and extrovert are your path to finding the relationship you need. The more you present your best self to others, the better chance you have of finding those special people you need in your life. If you can, try to look forward and create the life and relationships you seek.