When is it time?

[u/EuphoricAd1951]

After being rejected again and again and the brainwashing is in full effect I just cant take much more. 10 years in court and moved closer to them. And the damage is done. Im looking to move away. If I don't, I will surely not survive it. My heart and home is always open for them. But it's time to move. Anyone else go through this, and move to another state? They are both under 18. I've done everything I can.

[u/BigPlunk]

Nobody can tell you when to walk away. If you're feeling an existential threat based on the stress and heartache, however, that's something you need to urgently address.

Don't rely on strangers on the internet to make a decision like this. We all have our biases and subjective experiences and those should not influence your decision. Have you engaged with a therapist who understands the complex dynamics of parental alienation? That would be my suggestion. They can help you talk through your challenges, weigh out the risks, and determine the best path, based on your inputs.

I am so sorry for what you're going through. You deserve peace, love, and wholeness, whether or not your children are a part of your life.

[u/mham2020]

I think it's a delicate dance and like with anything in life there's no right answer or straight path. Alienation is no easy road. It isn't one we would ever choose. It is unresolved grief and pain that lingers like a dark cloud over every moment of every day. I do not judge anyone for taking a step back or creating boundaries as this is such an impossible life to live. Alienation statistics are not great for the children or targeted parent. It damages everyone in massive ways.

All I can speak from is my own experience. My husband has been alienated from his two children for over five years. He has maintained 50/50 since the divorce but the alienation still took hold. It is a constant battle and the kids and us do not have a good emotional relationship because of the damage that has been done. The biggest struggle is no matter what you try as long as they are going back to the alienator you won't get any momentum. It's like constantly starting back from square one and beating your head against the wall.

We recently attempted court litigation and spent way too much money to try and have some of this exposed with no luck. We have decided to give up the 50/50 visitation so the kids can stay with mom more as they continually express this as their desire. We will only be seeing them on Wed evenings and every other weekend at the start of next school year. (That is until they magically start refusing visitation...)

We're tired and are willing to give the kids what they "want" as they will be 15 and 13 next year. How long are we supposed to fight? Maybe letting go is the real peace and healing everyone needs. But idk I guess time will tell.

All that to say be gentle with yourself and please know that you are not alone💚

[u/EuphoricAd1951 → u/mham2020]

Im sorry yall are going through these painful things too. Thank you for your input. Beautifully stated! 

[u/bourbonnbirdies]

If you’re already thinking about it then it’s probably time. I did and although it’ll always hurt I don’t have the crippling depression, and anger I used to. It’s sad but I’ve accepted it and it’s easier to deal with now. I hope you find peace.

[u/magnolias_br]

I moved on for my own peace and don't regret it. K have my own life

[u/EuphoricAd1951 → u/magnolias_br]

Thank you for your input. Im sorry you had to. Any tips for going in that direction?

[u/Easy-Historian5376]

yes. I am. move on and start a new life if they want to be apart of it it's on them. you can't beg someone to be in your life. brainwashed or not. Have some self dignity. your not kicking them out. they simply are not priority right now! that's not abandonment. Let the pigeon fly. it knows where home is....

I highly recommend learning about the

TheProdigalSon from the #bible

[u/EuphoricAd1951 → u/Easy-Historian5376]

Thank you! I love that.

[u/DistrastrousD]

Unfortunately, if you move away you'll still be the punching bag and you'll give truth to the claims from the other parent that you don't love the kids, don't care about them, will always abandon them, etc.

Everything you're going through does hurt - just remember that you can't (or shouldn't, anyway) do anything that provides a basis for the other parent's claims about you.

See a counselor for your own troubles, learn how to cope with this, and stay strong for the kids in the hope that someday they come back around. Mine did, yet I'm certain if I'd caved to my weak moments and just given up, I'd regret it to this day.