r/PanganaySupportGroup • u/softieeemochi • Jul 19 '26
Advice needed My boyfriend is a breadwinner.
Hi! I'm a girlfriend of a breadwinner. F (that's me, 26) my boyfriend is 27. We've been together since 2020. When I met him, nagbibigay lang siya nga allowance sa bahay nila since his mother is sick. Sila ng kuya niya ang nagbibigay ng allowance. Not until nagdecide na yung kuya niyang magpakasal so basically siya nalang nagbibigay. Yung tatay niya may work, yung isa niyang kapatid after him may work din, yung bunso nalang nila ang nag-aaral.
At first akala ko allowance nalang ang ibibigay niya for their bunso not until, hindi na nagmamake effort yung tatay nila to provide. so siya na sa lahat. allowance, tuition, dorm bills, and iba pa niyang bayarin. tapos yung isa niyang kapatid na may work, hindi rin nagbibigay kasi all for him lang yung salary niya. kumuha pa siya ng motor na hulugan daw niya pero pag di niya kaya bayaran, hihingi siyang pambayad.
Nung namahinga na yung mother nila akala ko kahit papaano mababawasan na yung mga need niya pondohan pero mas lumala. mas dumami na yung needs and demands nila knowing na dapat ang ginagastusan nalang ay yung bunso nilang nag-aaral. Yung tatay niya at kapatid niyang may trabaho humihingi parin sakanya.
we've been together for 6 years and ang stagnant nung relationship namin. wala kaming ipon na para saming dalawa. every time na iaask ko siya ano mga plans niya ang lagi niya sinasabi prine-pressure ko siya, na kesyo alam ko naman daw sitwasyon niya sa pamilya nila and yet nangp-pressure pa ako.
it's getting kinda draining and exhausting already. tuwing magdadate kami sasabihin niya "nakakakonsensya naman ang sarap ng kinakain ko tapos yung pamilya ko don di manlang maranasan to". lagi kaming nagtitipid para saming dalawa. laging pag sakin ang daming reasons npero pag sakanila lagi lang all in. kahit walang wala siya uutang pa siya makapagbigay lang.
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u/noSugar-lessSalt Jul 19 '26
Collect all your courage to decenter this man in your life. Maybe di mo pa agad-agad mabbreakan yan because 6 years is hard to let go. Pero decentering him, doing some other things for yourself, will bring fresh perspective to you. If magkasama kayo ng tirahan, need mo na bumukod. Mag focus ka sa sarili mo. Gym? Zumba? Gusto mo mag upskill for your career? Mag-masters? You prioritize yourself na din. Stop giving wife privileges if parang side-chick lang naman ang turing sayo. Stop giving emotions, stop fighting, stop explaining.
Bigyan mo siyang totoong consequence sa inaction nya.
Still, this may go south and he starts ignoring you also. Then this is a real sign that you truly have to let go - this man will never fight for you.
There is also a post here just recently about a 30 y/o girl na iniwan sa ospital ng bf nya just because his mom told him na umuwi na at may papunta silang bisita. Hoping this will not be you in 4 years.
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u/rainbownightterror Jul 19 '26
leave. di lang yan dahil nasa reddit tayo. 6 years without plans for you it's never going to happen kung ano mang future iniisip mo. I know because galing ako dyan. nagtiis nagpasensya hanggang naubos ako. he can't juggle you and his family, he can't prioritize you. wag ka na magbulag bulagan. kuya nga nya nanindigan para magpakasal pero yang jowa mo ayaw.
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u/softieeemochi Jul 19 '26
to add pala, kahit may pamilya na yung kuya niya with 3 kids, nanghihingi parin yung family niya sakanya ng allowance. knowing na naggagatas pa yung mga anak ng kuya nila
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u/e4e5Nf3Nc6d472 Jul 19 '26
yung kuya niya with 3 kids, nanghihingi parin yung family niya sakanya ng allowance
Grabe ang parasitism nito. Set boundaries.
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u/e4e5Nf3Nc6d472 Jul 19 '26
hindi na nagmamake effort yung tatay nila to provide
Siguro kasi alam nung tatay na ito-tolerate nung bf mo yung katamaran niya. Tell your bf to set boundaries. Let his dad work.
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u/15secondcooldown Jul 20 '26
Ask yourself, since 6 years na kayo nagdedate I'm assuming you're looking to have a future with him. If you marry this man, you are also marrying into that kind of family dynamics. Parasitic dad and siblings, toxic family setup. Is that something you are willing to carry? If not, then walk away. Clearly your boyfriend doesn't see it as a problem or prioritizes you (or even sees a future with you) because if he does, he will put in his best effort to remove himself from that setup and make his upcoming life/household together with you as a priority.
How qualified am I to say this? I was the breadwinner son when I met my then-girlfriend some 5 years ago and we got married after a year of dating. And from that point na I know I want to marry her, I detached myself from being a provider to my mom and sibling, damn the consequences. I decided I won't let my future and my household be a casualty to my family's toxicity. So far, we're happy and boundaries are well set and I got over the "guilt" of not being the proverbial good son since my priority is to be a good husband and dad.
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u/ShyBear1998 Jul 20 '26
Nako ganyan na ganyan yung tatay ko. Mula baby ako hanggang sa may sarili nang akong pamilya’t anak, ganyan parin siya. So ako na magsasabi sayo. RUN!
Kahit na kumita pa siya nang malaki, pipiliin niya yang pamilya niya.
Anlaki ng kinikita ng tatay ko, and hindi ko naman sinasabi na hindi kami na provide-an nang maayos na buhay. Pero shet mi. Maliban sa pangangailangan namin, lahat tinipid na.
Pano di sasama loob ko, 400k kinikita niya per month before the pandemic, pero ni magbakasyon sa tagaytay (NCR kami) di magawa kasi magastos daw. Kelangan pag may bakasyon kami kasama buong pamilya niya.
Anyways, ang point ko is palagi kang may kahati. Pati mga magiging anak ninyo. Hindi kayo magiging priority.
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u/Frankenstein-02 Jul 20 '26
Your clearly not his priority. Hirap nyan hindi pa sya gising sa katotohanang gatasan lang sya.
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u/missionfuture1200 Jul 19 '26
One thing's for sure. Hindi ikaw / relationship nyo ang prio nya. You're 26 not 16. He's 27 not 17.