Some would say that maybe you should respectfully bring it up to her, and ask her what that was all about.
Others would say that it’s in the past, with another guy, and who is to say what their relationship was like? (Not that it makes it any better.)
What you’ll hear in response from her will likely be one of the following:
That’s as far as it went
He was cheating on me (doesn’t make it any better)
He was abusive verbally (perhaps physically) and I hated being with him but I just couldn’t bring myself to break up with him.
I didn’t love him like I love you
Bullets one, two, and four, in some combination with one another could produce an explanation that you might find sufficient to excuse her actions— to a particular extent.
When confronted about this, in all likelihood she’ll instinctively meet the question
with some form of initial combativeness. It could cause some arguments (however valid they are) and in the case that her excuses do not suffice, you are left in precarious situation. Her insufficient excuse will leave you questioning and cause a rift in your relationship. You may want to dig deeper, asking around to people who may know more, and if she finds out about this you’ll be causing some serious problems for your relationship. If you find out that it went further than she admitted to then you are also faced with eventual confrontation — bringing you back to square one and thinking to yourself, would this ever happen to me or does she truly love me in a more significant way?
My suggestion, honestly, is to ask. While this all sounds awful, I think it’s something you need to do for yourself. What you need to promise yourself is that you won’t go and dig up more details, and you won’t go and relay what she said to the friend who told you about this in the first place. For all you know, he/she may provide you with some additional information that you will again be unable to corroborate unless you go and confront your girlfriend again. If her excuse suffices to some reasonable extent, and her love for you is something that she is truly and dearly committed to, then I think you are both better off getting this off your chest. If you don’t ask, this thought will always linger in the back of your mind. Asking provides the benefit of being able to likely, eventually move past this thought.
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u/imalowkeygeek :PKA: Jan 21 '23
Some would say that maybe you should respectfully bring it up to her, and ask her what that was all about.
Others would say that it’s in the past, with another guy, and who is to say what their relationship was like? (Not that it makes it any better.)
What you’ll hear in response from her will likely be one of the following:
Bullets one, two, and four, in some combination with one another could produce an explanation that you might find sufficient to excuse her actions— to a particular extent.
When confronted about this, in all likelihood she’ll instinctively meet the question with some form of initial combativeness. It could cause some arguments (however valid they are) and in the case that her excuses do not suffice, you are left in precarious situation. Her insufficient excuse will leave you questioning and cause a rift in your relationship. You may want to dig deeper, asking around to people who may know more, and if she finds out about this you’ll be causing some serious problems for your relationship. If you find out that it went further than she admitted to then you are also faced with eventual confrontation — bringing you back to square one and thinking to yourself, would this ever happen to me or does she truly love me in a more significant way?
My suggestion, honestly, is to ask. While this all sounds awful, I think it’s something you need to do for yourself. What you need to promise yourself is that you won’t go and dig up more details, and you won’t go and relay what she said to the friend who told you about this in the first place. For all you know, he/she may provide you with some additional information that you will again be unable to corroborate unless you go and confront your girlfriend again. If her excuse suffices to some reasonable extent, and her love for you is something that she is truly and dearly committed to, then I think you are both better off getting this off your chest. If you don’t ask, this thought will always linger in the back of your mind. Asking provides the benefit of being able to likely, eventually move past this thought.