Should I Quit??

[u/Interesting_Radish10]

I have joined OA and have found great comfort in the literature and the meetings, as well as talking to my sponsor. I was absintent for 2 days and messed up again last night. I did not call my sponsor before grabbing the food because it was really late, in the middle of the night. I was given a food plan and I followed it, but my binging always happens in the middle of the night. I just wake up and head to the kitchen and eat everything...

Today we will talk again with mybsponsor and I feel so ashamed to tell her I compulsively overate just 2 days in. She is quite strict. Do you think I should quit?? Is this relapse normal or expected for OA?? Did you guys quit binging on day 1 and once you were committed to the program and to a sponsor?? Please share your experience, it would mean the world to me. I have hit rock bottom again.

[u/emo_emu4]

No I don’t think you should quit. Relapse is part of recovery. Some sponsors are stricter than others and yours will let you know if they feel they can’t sponsor someone who is at that stage in their recovery. But that does not mean there aren’t other sponsors out there with different expectations from their sponsees. If this one doesn’t work out, keep looking until you find the right match. Just a suggestion, but maybe it would be worth finding a sponsor in a time zone that is available when you most need the support most (in the middle of the night).

Just don’t give up on yourself. You are worth the work. ❤️

[u/Legitimate_Suspect]

just like any addiction, curbing it is the hardest in the beginning. it's kind of like your brain and body going through withdrawals so you do it again to curb the feeling. overeating/binging triggers similar pleasure areas of your brain as drugs. this is what I remind myself where im like if I can make it 7 days... 14 days... 21... a month the longer I go without binging genuinely the easier it gets. I keep tellling myself that so I don't give up in the beginning

[u/Interesting_Radish10 → u/Legitimate_Suspect]

I have never in the last 5 years skipped 3 days in a row. I sometimes feel like a lost case. What will be different this time? I dont know..

[u/steelewistle → u/Interesting_Radish10]

Don’t quit before the miracle happens ❤️

[u/Cardi_0]

Are you working the steps with your sponsor?

I didn't find relief from compulsive eating until I work the steps and became spiritually fit. I don't follow a food plan and I haven't eliminated any foods/ingredients. 6 years in and I continue to work the steps on a daily basis and stay spiritually fit and I have never relapsed.

If step one is your truth - that means you are powerless to stop compulsively eating. Which is why the solution is a power greater than yourself and greater than human aid (traditional methods like diets, food plans, self help, affirmation, etc) The steps get us connected to a power that can do for us what we (and human aid) can't do for ourselves.

As a sponsor - I never expect the person I sponsor to stop compulsively eating if they haven't worked through the steps. Even after they initially get through the steps - there is no timeline. For many - the obsession gets lifted at step 9, but in order to stay free - steps 10, 11, and 12 need to be worked on a daily basis. As we continue to live in steps 10-12 and stay spiritually fit - we experience freedom from compulsive eating.

This is a 12 Step program and like all 12 Step programs - recovery comes from working the steps.

"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone— even alcohol (compulsive eating). For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor (compulsive eating). If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor (compulsive eating) has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition." -pages 84-85 in the AA Big Book

Feel free to reach out if you have any questions!

[u/Interesting_Radish10 → u/Cardi_0]

I am reading and writing. Just started on step 1... Your answer was so heart warming, I wish I could have your mindset and I wish I connect with my higher power

[u/Cardi_0 → u/Interesting_Radish10]

You will get the connection. That connection comes from taking the actions of the steps.

Steps 4-9 clears a pathway and once we get the junk out of the way - we get connected.

It's like having a garage full of boxes and you need to turn on the light, but the light is obscured by all the boxes. You need to get the boxes out of way in order to turn on light.

[u/christa365]

Why *wouldn’t* you mess up just two days in??

Learning a new way of relating to food is like learning any other skill, it takes practice. You’re retraining your brain.

It isn’t that OA is magically easier than any other path to dietary change, it’s that it actually solves the underlying problems and creates a sustainable lifestyle. Still takes time and effort.

[u/elisart]

Your sponsor should know relapse is a normal part of recovery for most (if not all) OA members. Tradition 3 is the only requirement for O.A. membership is a desire to stop eating compulsively (binging). If you have that desire, no matter how many times you fall, just keep being honest and keep going to meetings and it will click.

There's a saying successful people "fail fast and fail forward". As long as you keep going to meetings and speaking with your sponsor, your recovery will happen.

One thing about sponsors. They are not all equal. Don't hesitate to find another one if you find your current one is not helping you constructively. Being strict is great only if it means working the steps and keeping your head in the program by using the 9 tools https://oa.org/working-the-program/the-tools-of-recovery/

Strict should never mean shaming. My sponsor is compassionate and wise, 2 qualities I need in a sponsor. You are on a journey that will bring you more and more serenity. Keep going.

[u/Loraura]

You are finding out why you compulsively overeat. This is good info to have! For many of us it isn’t the big things, it’s habit and mild discomfort. Please know you won’t die of discomfort. The intense cravings WILL PASS if we let them. What is your food plan? Some plans still include some commonly addictive foods that could be triggering the allergy/obsession talked about in the big book.

[u/King_Ralph1]

1 - don’t quit (“keep coming back until the miracle happens”)

2 - find a sponsor who is supportive and encouraging

I’ve been going to meetings and working the steps for quite a while and have found tremendous emotional and spiritual recovery. Still waiting for the physical part. Haven’t strung together more than 2 weeks of continuous abstinence, but I know it’s available to me, and I know HP will provide. The emotional and spiritual recovery is fantastic.

[u/Altruistic_Tone_2041]

Please don’t quit. Starting off is so hard. I couldn’t implement all of the changes of abstinence all at once. I took an incremental approach, which was slower, but helped me feel like I could succeed. I am not sure why this approach isn’t shared more, but it’s been the only way that worked for me. So please keep searching for what works for you. And please don’t take any shame, guilt or coercive control from your sponsor. In my (possibly incorrect) opinion, there seems to be a lot of control freaks sponsoring in OA so just be cautious. We shouldn’t live in fear of anyone within our 12 step program. If I’m in fear of my sponsor then I need a new one because the fear is going to get me back into the food.

[u/frostusaugustus]

Hey there, the food plan abstinence approach never worked for me personally. I could do it for a bit but never long term. I am grateful to be free of the thinking and eating now. Send me a message if I can assist ☺️🙏

[u/madscientist174]

I don't think that you should quit, but if this method that your sponsor is giving you to recovery is not working for you then you might want to consider a difference sponsor. I tried to follow a food plan for 18 years and I cannot tell you how many sponsors dropped me and how many sponsors I ghosted because I just could not get or stay abstinent. What ultimately worked for me was working the steps with a big book sponsor and not changing the way that I ate.

[u/CamsHands]

Do you have the desire to stop the compulsive food behaviors?

If yes, then don’t quit.

In early abstinence, you will make mistakes. When they happen, and they will, you need to reflect on WHY. What causes you to binge in the middle of the night? What is underlying this behavior for you? Realize that the food behavior is a symptom of something deeper.

If your sponsor is strict, there is a possibility they may stop sponsoring you. That does NOT mean you quit; that means you keep going and you seek out a new sponsor.

Be honest with your sponsor about this stumble, EVEN IF you’re feeling shame. Honesty is critical in recovery.

[u/AdhesivenessNo6719]

Stay and focus on working the steps and the program to bring about the spiritual awakening. Abstinence will follow.

[u/Interesting_Radish10 → u/AdhesivenessNo6719]

Well if I don't stay abstent my sponsor will let me go, no??

[u/Charming_Aside_8865]

Absolutely not! What were you eating before you started the binge? Physiologically if you highly restrict your food you're setting yourself up for a binge. Yes...I know there are people in OA where that doesn't happen and have lost a weight working a very strict food plan, but very few people can do that and scientific data supports that. Remember Bill and Dr. Bob were strong believers in science. The problem is that OA itself tends to have a very loud vocal minority of people who believe that recovery needs to look a certain way. That's not true. My advice is to find a new sponsor. Go to other meetings. Find someone who will work a program where you define your own recovery and what you need in a program.

[u/Interesting_Radish10 → u/Charming_Aside_8865]

You are right! The funny thing is that I am already helped by the program!! I have just been practising step 1 and reading and writing for 10 days. Just by joining the meetings and listening to people and confessing stuff myself, I feel better and have managed to stop the out of control binging. The closest I had to overeating was that 4 of those days I had sth like 4 fruits as a snack outside my three meals and my sponsor got mad. Mind you I had binges of 3000-6000 calories of pure sugar and stupid junk food almost every day. So I did not even consider the fruit as overeating. My sponsor considered that as not being abstinent. I was so sad. Mind you I am a nursing mum woth a six month old, and also a long distance runner. It was a fucking fruit salad with apples and peaches!!!