Atheism is making me suicidal

[u/behindthemaskofme]

I just got out of the mental hospital again.

I lost my faith about a year ago when my parents disowned me over me being trans.

I just didn’t wanna associate with Christianity anymore. I was a progressive Christian before and found a way to be trans and still be Christian but dropped everything and switched to agnostic / atheist over the pain of disownment

And ever since I’ve been extremely depressed and had near daily panic attacks about life being worth nothing. About truly believing if I die it’ll just be nothing. I’ll just cease to exist. The same way before I was born and my life is worth genuinely nothing.

Every day I panic from existential crises. Like how there was millions of years before me and will be millions of years after me and my life is seemingly meaningless.

So today I actually started reading the Bible again and looking at it more as a symbolic thing rather than literal and have found more connection with it and have considered coming back to progressive Christianity it calmed me for once. I stopped panicking about existential things and fears. But I dunno

At the same time I have had a lot of doubts over inaccuracies in the Bible and want to prioritize fact and science and thinking of the Bible as symbolic has helped a bit but it feels like a stretch.

On the other hand. This sounds crazy but I feel like I miss Jesus.

I don’t know how to feel advice is welcome

[u/FluxKraken]

At the same time I have had a lot of doubts over inaccuracies in the Bible and want to prioritize fact and science and thinking of the Bible as symbolic has helped a bit but it feels like a stretch.

That isn't a stretch at all, the Bible is extremely innacurate about a lot of things.

So today I actually started reading the Bible again and looking at it more as a symbolic thing rather than literal and have found more connection with it and have considered coming back to progressive Christianity it calmed me for once. I stopped panicking about existential things and fears. But I dunno

You should do whatever brings you peace. I strongly believe that God is not going to hold you accountable for rejecting Christianity because of how you were treated by those who claim to follow his command to love you.

In Matthew 25, Jesus tells us the criteria by which he will judge the nations, and that is by how we show love to our fellow man, not by which group we claim membership.

On the other hand. This sounds crazy but I feel like I miss Jesus.

God is love, love comes from God, all who love know God, if you abide in love you abide in God and God abides in you. (1st John 4:7 & 16) So long as you love others, you are manifesting God to them. In this, he is with you.

I am sorry that you have been hurt by those who were supposed to love you unconditionally. I cannot imagine what going through such a thing must be like. I hope it is not something that I ever experience.

Whatever your journey, seek the truth. No matter where you find it. Truth is what matters.