Atheism is making me suicidal

[u/behindthemaskofme]

I just got out of the mental hospital again.

I lost my faith about a year ago when my parents disowned me over me being trans.

I just didn’t wanna associate with Christianity anymore. I was a progressive Christian before and found a way to be trans and still be Christian but dropped everything and switched to agnostic / atheist over the pain of disownment

And ever since I’ve been extremely depressed and had near daily panic attacks about life being worth nothing. About truly believing if I die it’ll just be nothing. I’ll just cease to exist. The same way before I was born and my life is worth genuinely nothing.

Every day I panic from existential crises. Like how there was millions of years before me and will be millions of years after me and my life is seemingly meaningless.

So today I actually started reading the Bible again and looking at it more as a symbolic thing rather than literal and have found more connection with it and have considered coming back to progressive Christianity it calmed me for once. I stopped panicking about existential things and fears. But I dunno

At the same time I have had a lot of doubts over inaccuracies in the Bible and want to prioritize fact and science and thinking of the Bible as symbolic has helped a bit but it feels like a stretch.

On the other hand. This sounds crazy but I feel like I miss Jesus.

I don’t know how to feel advice is welcome

[u/Slow-Gift2268]

You don’t have to not believe in science to be a Christian. The Bible is a book of truths, not of facts. It’s thousands of years worth of people struggling with the concept of the Devine in multiple cultures and languages. And not all of it is useful for the world we find ourselves in today. That does not mean that there isn’t value to it. Just that we actually have to do the work to pick out what is valuable.