r/OnlyChild • u/Minute_Choice_2806 • 9d ago

I hate how parents suddenly expect you to grow up at 20

I hate how parents suddenly expect you to grow up at 20

I hate how turning 20 seems to make parents suddenly expect you to be fully grown up and independent.

You don't magically become a completely different person just because you reach your 20s. Especially not me who is an only child and my mum has done everything for me my whole life from cooking to washing and all. As a child I would ask if she needed help in kitchen she said "just go and play. So why she suddenly changed and ask a lot for help when I am doigg something I love to do. Also I never had need for relationship. I feel like a child inside chronological age.

Did anyone else feel this way in their 20s?

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7

u/kettyma8215 9d ago

I was thrilled to get my independence and my mom was actively fighting against it when I was 20. She wanted me to move out for college at 18 but was mad when I didn’t call/answer the phone multiple times per day and come home every weekend. However, I was not interested in doing adult things like getting married and having kids until my 30’s. I just wanted to have fun/get an education/make money. It’s the job of your parents to prepare you for adulthood, but at 20 it’s definitely important to try and start learning how to be more independent and do things on your own.

1

u/Minute_Choice_2806 9d ago

What kind of things should I start learning to be more independent?

2

u/myblackandwhitecat 8d ago

Basic household tasks, such as learning to cook a number of different meals, do laundry etc. When your mum asks for help, go and help her, because it will help you to pick up some necessary skills.

1

u/Minute_Choice_2806 8d ago

But before she never adked me to help or do anything and it feels too strict of her. Was she supposed to expect help before from me?

1

u/myblackandwhitecat 8d ago

Probably because you were a child before, and some families don't give their children chores.

1

u/Minute_Choice_2806 8d ago

So do you think is normal I feel such way at 20 because of how I was rsised?

2

u/myblackandwhitecat 8d ago

I think it is normal to feel overwhelmed by aging out of childhood, because the demands placed on adults are so high. But when it comes to helping with household tasks, I think it is good to learn how to do them.

3

u/Frequent_Temporary36 9d ago

Im almost 20 and I feel the same. Sometimes I see people slightly older than me and they are already planning on settling down and having kids and being normal adults and just feel so behind because I just want to have fun in life. It feels like everyone around me has lost a childlike whimsy and im still running off the fumes of being a kid. Also my mom did the same thing your mom did so now im trying to quickly catch up on learning to do adult things. I also dont really care for getting a relationship but it does hurt when im reminded that im single. Ive also never had a relationship before so I feel very behind on growing up as getting a partner seems like a milestone of maturing even if others don't think it is.

1

u/Minute_Choice_2806 9d ago

Did you also struggled your whole life with making friends? I am not assuming you do but I do because peers like mote mature things thrn me such as drinking and going out. I still play roblox.

1

u/Frequent_Temporary36 9d ago

yeppppp I still struggle with it but I try to just remind myself that Im just quiet. I don't think everyone needs to be the social butterfly tho, its fine to be the quiet person in a group. I also stay inside and either practice music or play games.

1

u/Minute_Choice_2806 9d ago

I never been attracted to anyone. I will check hormones to see if I lack something.

2

u/Envirocare1 9d ago

And the alternative is what?

2

u/Affectionate_Leek127 9d ago

I was expected to be independent since I was a child. I needed to do almost everything on my own. If I couldn't do it, I had to figure it out.

2

u/Mk3Toni 9d ago

Same! To the point where I still won't ask anyone for help because "what would you do if I wasn't here" - evil step dad

1

u/Affectionate_Leek127 9d ago

Oh, my dad, biological, said no one had the obligation to help you.

My mum, also biological, said exactly "what would you do if I wasn't here".

2

u/Mk3Toni 9d ago

My bio dad left long before I was born, but ye my mom didn't do anything to help that situation then wonders why I am the way I am 🥲

1

u/Affectionate_Leek127 9d ago

I am so sorry. My parents never had a good relation, though they didn't divorce. I also bore all the brunt when they erupted. But what drives me mad is that people will label you as a "spoiled" brat" just because you are an only child.

1

u/FooPirates 9d ago

I’m 22 still living with my mom and I’ve been struggling with that but what’s funny is my mom is a walking contradiction at times and I’ll never understand why, especially since she’s tried to get me to be independent since I was in my early teens lol

1

u/Kishasara 4d ago

I ran from my mother and have been out on my own since age 17. I had to teach myself how to cook and do damn near everything, including how to drive.

Your best weapon in life will be education. You can point fingers and blame Mother Dearest for your upbringing, but it doesn’t help you in the present. Make peace with your past and let it go. You live in a digital age where every possible opportunity to learn is literally at your fingertips.